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Not Attracted (Page 1)

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I know this should probably go in relationships somewhere but I think i'd rather post here if no one minds. This is something that has been happening a bit at a time for a while now but basically i'm not attracted to my husband in any way anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still love him as a person but I don't think that I like him. And I definitely don't want him touching me and I really don't think he's cute anymore. He's not really doing anything to cause me to feel this way about him. It's driving me nuts because I want to do something but the thought of doing it with him leaves me cold. Am I losing it or something? Could there maybe be something between us that i've buried in my subconscious or something? Could it be a post partum thing? Any ideas? I need some help cuz this is getting out of hand...
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replied December 15th, 2006
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Remember when we had this talk on yahoo?

I've gotten a lil better. The dreams have stopped, and i've been getting !**@! riiiight Embarassed .

But, I know exactly where you're coming from!!!!!

I think its the hormones. Really.

Do you orgasm when yall have sex? That could have a lot to do with it. Your body is letting you know that you need to be *fully* satisfied?

Oh man, .K! Lol....This sh't suuucks!! It's like you fantasize about being with someone else constantly, but then you see your man and feel bad. Because you really do love him...It's just bllahh!

Imma go hop in the shower right quick...Brb!

Sarah
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replied December 15th, 2006
I'm sorry k! Thats some crappy stuff to go through.The only thing I can think of is when that happened to me,of course I wasn't married we were only bf/gf,over a period of time I just didn't like him anymore and I wans't attracted to him.I couldn't help it and there was nothing I could do.

Maybe its because your a mom now and you don't look at yourself and him in a sexual way anymore?Maybe you and him need to get out and do something exciting or somehting you've never done before. . .Are there any reasons you can think of as to why you feel like that?
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replied December 15th, 2006
Experienced User
I went through the same thing with my husband a few years back.... But we were going through some problems and I had alot of resentment issues associated with him and was depressed as well because of these issues.

But once we confronted the problem and I laid it all out there he worked hard at trying to get me to like him again....After a while I started to feel better about him and the attraction came back as well and now we are fine.

So you may be holding something against him subconsciously but you have to explore you feeling in depth to find out.

Question.....Do you find other people attractive? Because if you don't it probably has nothing to do with your husband it would seem to be more like a hormonal thing.

Also it could be that your hormones are still out of wack, you may be lacking in progesterone.....Or you may be depressed and not interested or finding joy in anything.
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replied December 15th, 2006
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babymajic0506 wrote:
remember when we had this talk on yahoo?
Do you orgasm when yall have sex? That could have a lot to do with it. Your body is letting you know that you need to be *fully* satisfied?
Sarah


i used to but now I don't. But I don't think that's it. I don't anymore because I really don't even want to be doing it with him in the first place. But then again it might be, because I always have an orgasm early on and then it's like he keeps on freaking going like the energizer bunny or something and I just want him to stop. It's annoying, it goes on forever. I've talked to him about it but he says that he can't help it. Actually sarah I think that's it. I hate our sex life! I don't want to do it because I know it's going to take soooo long and start hurting.
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replied December 15th, 2006
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I know how you're feeling cause I was like that sometimes with neil. You get stuck in the same old routine and it becomes boring.

Here's a few tips...

1) go for a whole week/month (whichever would be better) having just foreplay. Start off just kissing and not leading anywhere then do a little bit more each time. This way be enough to make you not be able to resist him near the end

2) try roleplay. You could meet up in a public place and pretend to be strangers. Talk to eachother like you've just met (it may sound silly but it works for loads of people) and then go somewhere and have wild sex Shocked

0r/ get him to dress up in a uniform or something that you find sexy

3) maybe get him to cut his hair different or by some clothes that make him look sexy...

4) you might need to consider couples counselling or perhaps just talk to him about how you feel (obviouslly tact is the key here)


good luck darling! Sorry I can't be of more help but those things are what have worked for people I know....
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replied December 15th, 2006
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I started feeling like that about my ex too while we were together and that's part of the reason I left. Not saying it will happen but once that spark is gone it is sometimes hard to get back.
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replied December 15th, 2006
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I think it's very common and normal! I know I go through it when i'm pregnant and for a little while after.

I feel your pain, and my husband feels your husbands' pain Wink
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replied December 15th, 2006
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Thanks becks but I don't even want to think about kissing him. It's a disgusting thought. I hate when I come home and he tries to kiss me. I've asked him to stop but yesterday I had to push him away from me because he thinks i'm playing with him.

Foxy I think he's really lazy in the house and it seems like he's always asking me how to do things anyone with common sense would be able to handle. That does make me angry sometimes. I guess that it's maybe a combination of things, then? I don't know but it's really bothering me. Maybe we should get counselling like becks said.
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replied December 15th, 2006
tigresacanela24 wrote:

foxy I think he's really lazy in the house and it seems like he's always asking me how to do things anyone with common sense would be able to handle. that does make me angry sometimes. I guess that it's maybe a combination of things, then? I don't know but it's really bothering me. Maybe we should get counselling like becks said.


maybe he does it so he has a reason to talk to you?You know how you will get mad at someone or they'll gat mad at you and you try to talk to them by asking them questions or something stupid? Well maybe that's what he's doing?
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replied December 15th, 2006
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Ohhhh, i've got it!!!!

When he worked out of the house, it was cool.

You're superior to him now. And it's natural to not be attrated to those inferior!!


Do you think it could be a deep rooted envy? He gets to stay home with .Chu while you work your ass off??

I could see why you would be annoyed with him. Does he clean the house for you? Or is that something you have to do when you get home?

Sarah
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replied December 15th, 2006
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Sorry darling. I didn't realise. You really need to talk things through. It may just be hormones or maybe you are a tad depressed? Confused

It sounds to me like you still love him and by coming on here and asking for advice it is obvious you want to save your marriage
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replied December 15th, 2006
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babymajic0506 wrote:
ohhhh, i've got it!!!!
When he worked out of the house, it was cool.
You're superior to him now. And it's natural to not be attrated to those inferior!!
Do you think it could be a deep rooted envy? He gets to stay home with .Chu while you work your ass off??
I could see why you would be annoyed with him. Does he clean the house for you? Or is that something you have to do when you get home?

Sarah


yeah, I did like him better when he wasn't at home all day. Yo, I think we've got serious problems because until you said that I didn't really realize how much I hate that I have to go to work every day while he stays home with chu and does nothing. He doesn't clean up, he doesn't cook and those were always things that I did for him even when we were both working. Plus there's the whole sex thing too. I'm going to talk to him tonight about everything. Maybe he'll listen to me... Rolling Eyes
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replied December 15th, 2006
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It's totally obvious girl. I mean, what mother doesn't want to be the one to stay home with their baba?

The fact that you're, not only working, but cleaning house, is ridiculious!!

You know where i'm comin from when I tell you these things....I'm not in this to cause sh't between you and your man. I just want mah girl to be happy!

You're right...It's time for a nice talk...

Sarah
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replied December 15th, 2006
Community Volunteer
I'd kick some major sense into him. Ugh.... Men can be so dumb sometimes. Makes me kind of sad that trey is a boy-lol
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replied December 15th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Aaaawww kay, i'll come and give you some lovin'

i am just kidding. I really can't help you too much with this because I don't know where you are coming from. I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I think that saraj was right about you missing chu and wantting to be home with him. It's not fair that you can't be home with him and the motherly part of you really longs to be there.

Love you and hope evertthing working isself out.


Gen
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replied December 15th, 2006
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I don't think that anything I say is going to work. He's simply ignoring me or arguing with me trying to make me feel like it's simply my problem.
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replied December 15th, 2006
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tigresacanela24 wrote:
i don't think that anything I say is going to work. He's simply ignoring me or arguing with me trying to make me feel like it's simply my problem.
wow so ya'll already talked? Damn,just tell him that if he doesn't listen and want to do anything about it he's gonna lose you.Does he know how serious this is?
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replied December 16th, 2006
Experienced User
tigresacanela24 wrote:
i don't think that anything I say is going to work. He's simply ignoring me or arguing with me trying to make me feel like it's simply my problem.


.Kay, believe it or not, those same issues that I had a few years back that I was talking about in my earlier post is very similar to what you are going through.


I posted this (below) on another forum to give advice to someone who was deciding to go back to work and dad was going to stay at home with the baby.


------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------ -

"when the woman is or becomes the "bread winner" it could be excellent or it could be a disaster. I think you and your dh need to sit down and have several discussions about the arrangement before you decide to do it..

Yall should discuss housework, and cooking etc. Because many women take on the dominant financial role only to find that they still have to take on the dominant household and parental role...Which can be extremely exhausting and could lead to resentment.


Also finances, you need to create a new budget, since you are the primary breadwinner and right now and you are not so sure if dh will infact be making any income. The budget must be based solely on your income, emergencies, car gas everything as far as bills that hubby used to do with his income you must be prepared to take all of that on including giving dh an "allowance" every month.

Because in some situations when the financial aspect of the arrangement is not discussed openly and frankly, it may turn into a situation where dh may still be spending what he is used to spending...And that can leave you in a bind.


You also have to accept right off the bat, that you and only you are responsible for the bills now. You will not be rescued by hubby paycheck if things get in a bind....You will also realise that all the little bills add up and you may start to feel overwhelmed, because everytime you turn around there will be another bill. If you do not accept this immediately you will find yourself getting very frustrated because everytime an unexpected bill comes up that you have not budgeted for....Guess what, you have to find that money yourself or that bill will not be paid.


Also, discuss with dh the plans after your child starts going to school.....Will he go back to work or will he continue to be home. If he does decide to go back to work a time line needs to be set e.G. When dd starts going to school please find a job within six months. You don't want to find yourself in a situation where you are assuming he will go back to work and he is assuming that he will continue to stay home.


I know all these things will be uncomfortable to talk about....But I guarantee you that it is easier to talk about all of these things now before you and he even make the decision for him to stay home....Because if you wait for a situaion to arise before discussing these things..You will find that you are not dicussing anymore you will be argueing....And all th resentment and frustration will come out in that argument."
------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------ -

although you both have already passed the deciding phase, I think it is still a good idea to discuss these things with him or it will only get worse.


Also when you are talking, make sure you are talking .T.O him and not .A.T him.... Try not to say stuff like "you are home all day and you don't cook clean etc" instead try and form your sentences with "i am overwhelmed and I need your help with....." tell him how you feel without attacking his ego.


Because I think he may feel like less of a man, and he is probably acting out because he is frustrated and depressed as well....Because how you feel about him right now is written all over your face, and it probably comes out in your voice when you talk to him as well....And anybody would get defensive when they feel as if they are being "attacked".....And when men are disappointed or hurt unlike women they don't cry and say "you really hurt me" they just get angry and say stupid and mean things to try and hurt you back.....Then to show that they still love you they then try to have sex with you...Because they think that having sex is showing you just how much they love you etc. (yeah, very warped thinking) and when you refuse him, that is another blow to his ego.


I agree with beckster, you wouldn't have posted this if you didn't want to save your marriage........And I know its hard but women are much stronger than men and can handle much more stress etc than men.....Men just shut down and become stupid. So you have to put your anger/resentment/frustration aside and take the first step...To try and resolve this. I know it is unfair because basically you will have to make all the effort to get this to work..But try to remember that you are the more mature person right now.


I hope I helped somewhat....


Good luck

kacey
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replied December 16th, 2006
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Good advice foxy, i'll try again tonight
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