tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005
Posts: 5261
Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
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Not Attracted
Posted: 12-15-06 11:19am
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I know this should probably go in
relationships somewhere but I think i'd
rather post here if no one minds. This
is something that has been happening a bit
at a time for a while now but basically
i'm not attracted to my husband in any way
anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still
love him as a person but I don't think
that I like him. And I definitely don't
want him touching me and I really don't
think he's cute anymore. He's not
really doing anything to cause me to feel
this way about him. It's driving me nuts
because I want to do something but the
thought of doing it with him leaves me
cold. Am I losing it or something?
Could there maybe be something between us
that i've buried in my subconscious or
something? Could it be a post partum
thing? Any ideas? I need some help cuz
this is getting out of hand...
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Eyes Wide Shut
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 7892
Location: *UPTOWN*NEW ORLEANS*, La
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Posted: 12-15-06 11:37am
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Remember when we had this talk on yahoo?
I've gotten a lil better. The dreams have
stopped, and i've been getting medical
answer riiiight  .
But, I know exactly where you're coming
from!!!!!
I think its the hormones. Really.
Do you orgasm when yall have sex? That
could have a lot to do with it. Your body
is letting you know that you need to be
*fully* satisfied?
Oh man, .K! Lol....This sh't suuucks!!
It's like you fantasize about being with
someone else constantly, but then you see
your man and feel bad. Because you really
do love him...It's just bllahh!
Imma go hop in the shower right
quick...Brb!
Sarah
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Brown Eyed Girl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Dec 2006
Posts: 27
Location: Florida Bitches! ! !
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Posted: 12-15-06 11:38am
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I'm sorry k! Thats some crappy stuff to
go through.The only thing I can think of
is when that happened to me,of course I
wasn't married we were only bf/gf,over a
period of time I just didn't like him
anymore and I wans't attracted to him.I
couldn't help it and there was nothing I
could do.
Maybe its because your a mom now and you
don't look at yourself and him in a sexual
way anymore?Maybe you and him need to get
out and do something exciting or somehting
you've never done before. . .Are there
any reasons you can think of as to why you
feel like that?
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foxy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 May 2006
Posts: 487
Location: Nassau, Bahamas
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Posted: 12-15-06 11:42am
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I went through the same thing with my
husband a few years back.... But we were
going through some problems and I had alot
of resentment issues associated with him
and was depressed as well because of these
issues.
But once we confronted the problem and I
laid it all out there he worked hard at
trying to get me to like him
again....After a while I started to feel
better about him and the attraction came
back as well and now we are fine.
So you may be holding something against
him subconsciously but you have to explore
you feeling in depth to find out.
Question.....Do you find other people
attractive? Because if you don't it
probably has nothing to do with your
husband it would seem to be more like a
hormonal thing.
Also it could be that your hormones are
still out of wack, you may be lacking in
progesterone.....Or you may be depressed
and not interested or finding joy in
anything.
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005
Posts: 5261
Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
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Posted: 12-15-06 11:45am
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| babymajic0506
wrote: | remember when we had this
talk on yahoo?
Do you orgasm when yall have sex? That
could have a lot to do with it. Your
body is letting you know that you need to
be *fully* satisfied?
Sarah |
i used to but now I don't. But I don't
think that's it. I don't anymore because
I really don't even want to be doing it
with him in the first place. But then
again it might be, because I always have
an orgasm early on and then it's like he
keeps on freaking going like the energizer
bunny or something and I just want him to
stop. It's annoying, it goes on forever.
I've talked to him about it but he says
that he can't help it. Actually sarah I
think that's it. I hate our sex life!
I don't want to do it because I know it's
going to take soooo long and start
hurting.
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Becky
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jan 2006
Posts: 6221
Location: London, England
Thanks: 0
Thanked:7
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Posted: 12-15-06 11:48am
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I know how you're feeling cause I was like
that sometimes with neil. You get stuck
in the same old routine and it becomes
boring.
Here's a few tips...
1) go for a whole week/month (whichever
would be better) having just foreplay.
Start off just kissing and not leading
anywhere then do a little bit more each
time. This way be enough to make you not
be able to resist him near the end
2) try roleplay. You could meet up in a
public place and pretend to be strangers.
Talk to eachother like you've just met (it
may sound silly but it works for loads of
people) and then go somewhere and have
wild sex 
0r/ get him to dress up in a uniform or
something that you find sexy
3) maybe get him to cut his hair different
or by some clothes that make him look
sexy...
4) you might need to consider couples
counselling or perhaps just talk to him
about how you feel (obviouslly tact is the
key here)
good luck darling! Sorry I can't be of
more help but those things are what have
worked for people I know....
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Posts: 6492
Location: ,
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Posted: 12-15-06 11:54am
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I started feeling like that about my ex
too while we were together and that's part
of the reason I left. Not saying it will
happen but once that spark is gone it is
sometimes hard to get back.
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michelle1981
Supporter
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 7236
Location: Toronto, Canada
Thanks: 7
Thanked:6
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Posted: 12-15-06 11:54am
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I think it's very common and normal! I
know I go through it when i'm pregnant and
for a little while after.
I feel your pain, and my husband feels
your husbands' pain 
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005
Posts: 5261
Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
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Posted: 12-15-06 11:59am
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Thanks becks but I don't even want to
think about kissing him. It's a
disgusting thought. I hate when I come
home and he tries to kiss me. I've asked
him to stop but yesterday I had to push
him away from me because he thinks i'm
playing with him.
Foxy I think he's really lazy in the house
and it seems like he's always asking me
how to do things anyone with common sense
would be able to handle. That does make
me angry sometimes. I guess that it's
maybe a combination of things, then? I
don't know but it's really bothering me.
Maybe we should get counselling like becks
said.
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Brown Eyed Girl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Dec 2006
Posts: 27
Location: Florida Bitches! ! !
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Posted: 12-15-06 12:03pm
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| tigresacanela24
wrote: |
foxy I think he's really lazy in the house
and it
seems like he's always asking me how to do
things anyone with common sense would be
able to handle. that does make me
angry sometimes. I guess that it's
maybe a combination of things, then? I
don't know but it's really bothering me.
Maybe we should get counselling like
becks said. |
maybe he does it so he has a reason to
talk to you?You know how you will get mad
at someone or they'll gat mad at you and
you try to talk to them by asking them
questions or something stupid? Well maybe
that's what he's doing?
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Eyes Wide Shut
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 7892
Location: *UPTOWN*NEW ORLEANS*, La
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Posted: 12-15-06 12:06pm
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Ohhhh, i've got it!!!!
When he worked out of the house, it was
cool.
You're superior to him now. And it's
natural to not be attrated to those
inferior!!
Do you think it could be a deep rooted
envy? He gets to stay home with .Chu
while you work your ass off??
I could see why you would be annoyed with
him. Does he clean the house for you? Or
is that something you have to do when you
get home?
Sarah
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Becky
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jan 2006
Posts: 6221
Location: London, England
Thanks: 0
Thanked:7
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Posted: 12-15-06 12:09pm
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Sorry darling. I didn't realise. You
really need to talk things through. It
may just be hormones or maybe you are a
tad depressed? 
It sounds to me like you still love him
and by coming on here and asking for
advice it is obvious you want to save your
marriage
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005
Posts: 5261
Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
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Posted: 12-15-06 12:11pm
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| babymajic0506
wrote: | ohhhh, i've got it!!!!
When he worked out of the house, it was
cool.
You're superior to him now. And it's
natural to not be attrated to those
inferior!!
Do you think it could be a deep rooted
envy? He gets to stay home with .Chu
while you work your ass off??
I could see why you would be annoyed with
him. Does he clean the house for you?
Or is that something you have to do when
you get home?
Sarah |
yeah, I did like him better when he wasn't
at home all day. Yo, I think we've got
serious problems because until you said
that I didn't really realize how much I
hate that I have to go to work every day
while he stays home with chu and does
nothing. He doesn't clean up, he doesn't
cook and those were always things that I
did for him even when we were both
working. Plus there's the whole sex
thing too. I'm going to talk to him
tonight about everything. Maybe he'll
listen to me... 
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Eyes Wide Shut
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 7892
Location: *UPTOWN*NEW ORLEANS*, La
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Posted: 12-15-06 12:14pm
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It's totally obvious girl. I mean, what
mother doesn't want to be the one to stay
home with their baba?
The fact that you're, not only working,
but cleaning house, is ridiculious!!
You know where i'm comin from when I tell
you these things....I'm not in this to
cause sh't between you and your man. I
just want mah girl to be happy!
You're right...It's time for a nice
talk...
Sarah
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Posts: 6492
Location: ,
Thanks: 1
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Posted: 12-15-06 12:22pm
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I'd kick some major sense into him.
Ugh.... Men can be so dumb sometimes.
Makes me kind of sad that trey is a
boy-lol
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Sunflower_pie81
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 5041
Location: to hell with this crap
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Posted: 12-15-06 12:24pm
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Aaaawww kay, i'll come and give you some
lovin'
i am just kidding. I really can't help
you too much with this because I don't
know where you are coming from. I am so
sorry that you are going thru this. I
think that saraj was right about you
missing chu and wantting to be home with
him. It's not fair that you can't be
home with him and the motherly part of you
really longs to be there.
Love you and hope evertthing working
isself out.
Gen
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005
Posts: 5261
Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
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Posted: 12-15-06 16:26pm
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I don't think that anything I say is going
to work. He's simply ignoring me or
arguing with me trying to make me feel
like it's simply my problem.
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Posts: 6806
Location: Florida
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Posted: 12-15-06 16:33pm
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| tigresacanela24
wrote: | | i don't think that anything
I say is going to work. He's simply
ignoring me or arguing with me trying to
make me feel like it's simply my
problem. |
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foxy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 May 2006
Posts: 487
Location: Nassau, Bahamas
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Posted: 12-16-06 09:07am
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| tigresacanela24
wrote: | | i don't think that anything
I say is going to work. He's simply
ignoring me or arguing with me trying to
make me feel like it's simply my
problem. |
.Kay, believe it or not, those same issues
that I had a few years back that I was
talking about in my earlier post is very
similar to what you are going through.
I posted this (below) on another forum to
give advice to someone who was deciding to
go back to work and dad was going to stay
at home with the baby.
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"when the woman is or becomes the "bread
winner" it could be excellent or it could
be a disaster. I think you and your dh
need to sit down and have several
discussions about the arrangement before
you decide to do it..
Yall should discuss housework, and cooking
etc. Because many women take on the
dominant financial role only to find that
they still have to take on the dominant
household and parental role...Which can be
extremely exhausting and could lead to
resentment.
Also finances, you need to create a new
budget, since you are the primary
breadwinner and right now and you are not
so sure if dh will infact be making any
income. The budget must be based solely
on your income, emergencies, car gas
everything as far as bills that hubby used
to do with his income you must be prepared
to take all of that on including giving dh
an "allowance" every month.
Because in some situations when the
financial aspect of the arrangement is not
discussed openly and frankly, it may turn
into a situation where dh may still be
spending what he is used to spending...And
that can leave you in a bind.
You also have to accept right off the bat,
that you and only you are responsible for
the bills now. You will not be rescued
by hubby paycheck if things get in a
bind....You will also realise that all the
little bills add up and you may start to
feel overwhelmed, because everytime you
turn around there will be another bill.
If you do not accept this immediately you
will find yourself getting very frustrated
because everytime an unexpected bill comes
up that you have not budgeted for....Guess
what, you have to find that money yourself
or that bill will not be paid.
Also, discuss with dh the plans after your
child starts going to school.....Will he
go back to work or will he continue to be
home. If he does decide to go back to
work a time line needs to be set e.G.
When dd starts going to school please find
a job within six months. You don't want
to find yourself in a situation where you
are assuming he will go back to work and
he is assuming that he will continue to
stay home.
I know all these things will be
uncomfortable to talk about....But I
guarantee you that it is easier to talk
about all of these things now before you
and he even make the decision for him to
stay home....Because if you wait for a
situaion to arise before discussing these
things..You will find that you are not
dicussing anymore you will be
argueing....And all th resentment and
frustration will come out in that
argument."
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although you both have already passed the
deciding phase, I think it is still a good
idea to discuss these things with him or
it will only get worse.
Also when you are talking, make sure you
are talking .T.O him and not .A.T him....
Try not to say stuff like "you are home
all day and you don't cook clean etc"
instead try and form your sentences with
"i am overwhelmed and I need your help
with....." tell him how you feel without
attacking his ego.
Because I think he may feel like less of a
man, and he is probably acting out because
he is frustrated and depressed as
well....Because how you feel about him
right now is written all over your face,
and it probably comes out in your voice
when you talk to him as well....And
anybody would get defensive when they feel
as if they are being "attacked".....And
when men are disappointed or hurt unlike
women they don't cry and say "you really
hurt me" they just get angry and say
stupid and mean things to try and hurt you
back.....Then to show that they still love
you they then try to have sex with
you...Because they think that having sex
is showing you just how much they love you
etc. (yeah, very warped thinking) and
when you refuse him, that is another blow
to his ego.
I agree with beckster, you wouldn't have
posted this if you didn't want to save
your marriage........And I know its hard
but women are much stronger than men and
can handle much more stress etc than
men.....Men just shut down and become
stupid. So you have to put your
anger/resentment/frustration aside and
take the first step...To try and resolve
this. I know it is unfair because
basically you will have to make all the
effort to get this to work..But try to
remember that you are the more mature
person right now.
I hope I helped somewhat....
Good luck
kacey
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005
Posts: 5261
Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
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Posted: 12-16-06 14:29pm
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Good advice foxy, i'll try again tonight
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