I've been trying to write this for over a week now, but theres so much happening that I can't seem to find the energy to write this.


I've known my ex for almost 10 years. I'm 21 years old and hes now 23. We met when I was almost 12 and he was 13. We went out for a couple of months. But then we split up. Even at that age I was upset. Then three years later when I was 15 and he was 17 we got hold of eachothers numbers and we spent pretty much all night and day texting for a month or so. It was lovely being in touch with him again. I'd had a few boyfriends in that 3 years, that i'd had crushes on, but they haven't ever stood out like my ex has.


After a couple of months texting and ringing we met up on boxing day 2000 and we became a couple the next day. Two months later we lost our virginity together. We split up about 5 months later, it was for a couple of months, I heard that he had started to see another girl in that time but at the time I didn't know if it was true or not, but now it seems obvious it was true. Anyway, we got back together. Things were fine again but when he turned 18 he started going out to clubs and pubs and getting drunk at weekends and thats when the rumours started sometims that he was trying it on with other girls behind my back.

In 2004 I caught him out, as I found texts from a girl one night and I phoned her and she said that he had been seeing her. He got very upset and said he twisted because he absolutely loved me but he didn't know why he did this. We did get back together but the trust wasn't really there. After all that happend, things were great again and we went on our first holiday alone in 2005. But by october 2005 I found more messages on his phone one night, I had a feeling something was going on as he had been very secretive with his phone for a couple of weeks. I don't think anything had actually happend with this girl as by the sounds of it they had only met once in a pub and were talking about meeting up again but in his messages he was saying he wouldnt go to town to meet her.


We had a big row and I said i'd had enough and I left him, I went out that night and he rang me all night long. We got back together within a week, he devastated that we had broken up and promised nothing like that would ever happen again and said that he didn't ever want to risk losing me again.


Things were brilliant, we had a lovely christmas as usual, despite the problems we'd had in the past we were still very close and had so much in common and it was like it had never happend in a way. Though it did play on my mind sometimes when he was out. Exactly a year later in october 2006 we split up because he had stayed out till 8am (i'd been living in his parents house with him for about 3 years in the 6 years we'd been together) I had questioned him and I was really annoyed, because the night he went out was the night we were meant to go out. He told me he still loved me but wanted time to himself. It felt so final. I left him to it for a week to cool down and I met up with him, although he wasn't keen on the idea! It felt so strange how much he had changed. He's actually very lovin and caring and really looks after me, and he too was worried sometimes when I went out.


He didn't seem interested in getting back together this time though. Then a couple of weeks after we split he started to text again a lot, especially when I went to a fancy dress party. I started to think maybe we were getting back together but then he would go a bit quiet again, so it still felt final. We were texting every so often every week, 5 weeks after we broke up he rang me saying he was missing me. We met up a couple of days later and I asked if we were getting back together but he said he didn't know! He said we definitley would though! So I decided to go quiet and let him get on with it. He hadn't been in touch for a week and then his 12 year old cousin tells me he has another girlfriend. When I asked him he said it wasn't true. But a week later I find out the truth from his sister, he was now with someone and planning on making a go of it with her because she was 5 weeks pregnant I had never felt so low in my life. This all happend within 2 weeks of us breaking up. This girl has everything I want. I'd always wanted a baby and future with him.


I told him I knew and he got very very upset and said he couldn't handle it. He said it was not planned and how he wished it was me and he never stopped loving me and never would stop.


Trouble is, I always made myself so avaliable and he admitted in the end that he maybe took advantage of it a bit so he felt he could have that break and come back to me. Though he says he didn't want that break to go out and see other girls. He said it was a big mistake. We met up the next day and cried together. We had a long chat when we got home on the phone and he promised he would call again and that he couldn't go without seeing me ever again. This was on tuesday 28th november, I decided to let him have his thinking space to come to terms with it. Last thursday he rang me and we spoke for an hour and he was getting upset and saying everything was reminding him of me and how it doesn't feel like christmas without me. He really wanted to see me but I was sleeping at my brothers that night. On saturday he rang me in the morning asking if he could see me and he came round and stayed until 11pm. We watched some dvds, ordered a pizza and we ended up sleeping together. He told me he wanted us to be in touch forever.


I'm going away next weekend and he is really worried about it as he thinks I will meet someone else.


I just don't know what to do. Hes ruined everything. How do I know that he is really going to want me when this baby comes along? Am I meant to wait around and not move on?

I don't feel I can move on. I love him so much and I know hes made a big mistake and I think he actually realised that now, whats done is done now

i feel so miserable. I just want us back together again without any of this happening. I feel like my life has been taken away and she has it all without hardly knowing him.