What Am I?

I’m 23 and lately over the past week, i’ve been having trouble remembering things, just last week, at work, i’ve had just about everything go wrong that could have possibly went wrong. It’s tough fighting against it, trying to make things work out only to have something happen that cancels out all of the hard work i’ve done.



It’s a wonder how i’ve gotten this far in my job.



It feels like i’ve been cursed
i’ve been having pretty crazy mood swings, within a half an hour being depressed on the verge of suicide to becoming euphoric. Sometimes I feel absolutely nothing at all, absolutely empty and emotionless. When a tragedy happens I have to feign emotion out of politeness. I lack communication skills, I really to try to be normal by watching other people and their behavior and mimicking it. And I do a very good job of hiding my other side form people, and then I realized after watching a biography of jeffrey dahmer and ted bundy that that is something they do well also. I feel like a virus infiltrating the ranks of normal human beings, I don’t like social situations and have no desire for friendship or companionship yet I wish there was someone who cared about me. And I long for the warmth of human contact. I am a prisoner in my own mind and I find it hard to stop thinking, I have to constantly maintain my sanity by concentrating on one purpose. If not it scatters and I feel myself on the brink of insanity. I am getting very tired of doing this.




I may have done some irreversible damage to my brain because I used to be on clonazepam and celexa and one day quit cold turkey after trying to swallow the two bottles, disappointed that I woke up. I’ve been off them for about a year and was on since I was 16 years old.
I don't know what my purpose is.

I feel like a psychopath