Iâm 23 and lately over the past week, iâve been having trouble remembering things, just last week, at work, iâve had just about everything go wrong that could have possibly went wrong. Itâs tough fighting against it, trying to make things work out only to have something happen that cancels out all of the hard work iâve done.
Itâs a wonder how iâve gotten this far in my job.
It feels like iâve been cursed
iâve been having pretty crazy mood swings, within a half an hour being depressed on the verge of suicide to becoming euphoric. Sometimes I feel absolutely nothing at all, absolutely empty and emotionless. When a tragedy happens I have to feign emotion out of politeness. I lack communication skills, I really to try to be normal by watching other people and their behavior and mimicking it. And I do a very good job of hiding my other side form people, and then I realized after watching a biography of jeffrey dahmer and ted bundy that that is something they do well also. I feel like a virus infiltrating the ranks of normal human beings, I donât like social situations and have no desire for friendship or companionship yet I wish there was someone who cared about me. And I long for the warmth of human contact. I am a prisoner in my own mind and I find it hard to stop thinking, I have to constantly maintain my sanity by concentrating on one purpose. If not it scatters and I feel myself on the brink of insanity. I am getting very tired of doing this.
I may have done some irreversible damage to my brain because I used to be on clonazepam and celexa and one day quit cold turkey after trying to swallow the two bottles, disappointed that I woke up. Iâve been off them for about a year and was on since I was 16 years old.
I don't know what my purpose is.
I kinda didnt really read your whole thing because it was really long..... But it sounds to me your having some uncontrollable temptations for absolutely no apparent reason at all...Maybe you should talk to someone in person . I mean talking in person makes you actually think about what your doing, not just someone on the internet...I mean if you read my posts you would know that we are kinda on the same level all I know is if I keep on thinking positive or try to at least I wont do unnecasary things to myself and others.You just need a true friend to talk to...And if you already have a good friend tell them how your feeling...And or get a therapist ...Your not phycopathic , just * emote appraved* with no other way to take it out but yourself.Some people would say thats selfish , I dont think thats true myself.I hope good things are coming for you in the near future. *break dance not hearts* feel free to pm me if you'd like....