I’m 23 and lately over the past week,
i’ve been having trouble remembering
things, just last week, at work, i’ve
had just about everything go wrong that
could have possibly went wrong. It’s
tough fighting against it, trying to make
things work out only to have something
happen that cancels out all of the hard
work i’ve done.
It’s a wonder how i’ve gotten this far
in my job.
It feels like i’ve been cursed
i’ve been having pretty crazy mood
swings, within a half an hour being
depressed on the verge of suicide to
becoming euphoric. Sometimes I feel
absolutely nothing at all, absolutely
empty and emotionless. When a tragedy
happens I have to feign emotion out of
politeness. I lack communication
skills, I really to try to be normal by
watching other people and their behavior
and mimicking it. And I do a very good
job of hiding my other side form people,
and then I realized after watching a
biography of jeffrey dahmer and ted bundy
that that is something they do well also.
I feel like a virus infiltrating the
ranks of normal human beings, I don’t
like social situations and have no desire
for friendship or companionship yet I wish
there was someone who cared about me.
And I long for the warmth of human
contact. I am a prisoner in my own mind
and I find it hard to stop thinking, I
have to constantly maintain my sanity by
concentrating on one purpose. If not it
scatters and I feel myself on the brink of
insanity. I am getting very tired of
doing this.
I may have done some irreversible damage
to my brain because I used to be on
clonazepam and celexa and one day quit
cold turkey after trying to swallow the
two bottles, disappointed that I woke up.
I’ve been off them for about a year
and was on since I was 16 years old.
I don't know what my purpose is.
I feel like a psychopath
|
admin
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 26 Jun 2003 Posts: 3456 Location: Coral Springs, FL USA
Thanks: 134
Thanked:19
Re: What Am I? Posted: 12-10-06 03:25am
dead eye
wrote:
i’m 23 and lately over the
past week, i’ve been having trouble
remembering things, just last week, at
work, i’ve had just about everything go
wrong that could have possibly went wrong.
It’s tough fighting against it,
trying to make things work out only to
have something happen that cancels out all
of the hard work i’ve done.
It’s a wonder how i’ve gotten this far
in my job.
It feels like i’ve been cursed
i’ve been having pretty crazy mood
swings, within a half an hour being
depressed on the verge of suicide to
becoming euphoric. Sometimes I feel
absolutely nothing at all, absolutely
empty and emotionless. When a tragedy
happens I have to feign emotion out of
politeness. I lack communication
skills, I really to try to be normal by
watching other people and their behavior
and mimicking it. And I do a very good
job of hiding my other side form people,
and then I realized after watching a
biography of jeffrey dahmer and ted bundy
that that is something they do well also.
I feel like a virus infiltrating the
ranks of normal human beings, I don’t
like social situations and have no desire
for friendship or companionship yet I wish
there was someone who cared about me.
And I long for the warmth of human
contact. I am a prisoner in my own
mind and I find it hard to stop thinking,
I have to constantly maintain my sanity by
concentrating on one purpose. If not
it scatters and I feel myself on the brink
of insanity. I am getting very tired
of doing this.
I may have done some irreversible damage
to my brain because I used to be on
clonazepam and celexa and one day quit
cold turkey after trying to swallow the
two bottles, disappointed that I woke up.
I’ve been off them for about a year
and was on since I was 16 years old.
I don't know what my purpose is.
I feel like a
psychopath
dear dead eye,
you might get better response if you post
your question to the mental conditions
forum, or you can ask our online staff
medical doctor for an opinion.
There are more targeted forums which can
generate more specific interest in your
topic. Please let us know if we can
assist you further. Best, admin
Nosoul.
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jan 2007 Posts: 3 Location: Canada
Re: What Am I? Posted: 01-08-07 15:52pm
I feel exactly the same as you dead eye.
I'm 19, used to be a really popular
outgoing funny upbeat guy. I would never
stop talking always had my 2 cents.
Always was up to meeting new people,
always looking forward to social events.
I had alot of people who cared for me. I
had an amazing girlfriend. I was really
close with my grandpa and my mom.
Now, im.... I feel like a no one.. I
have a couple friends who don;t really
know the real me. I used to be an actor.
Now I don't even have the self esteem to
hold a job, or even get a job. I don't
know how to make new friends cuz I don't
know how to talk to people. I try to meet
new people online and other places but I
always end up empty headed. I lost my
personality. I feel no emotions, well
thats not true. I feel, sadness.. Odd
days or euphoria, then days of nothing,
empty feeling. I sit around my house when
I have nothin to do, I hate sitting arounf
but I don't know what else to do. Ive
lost interest in everything I used to
like, I can;t even surf the web cuz I
don't have any interest in anything, so I
end up checkin my email then doing
nothing. I can't even download msuic cuz
I dont know what kinda of music I like. I
am so damn lost. I know that this hasn't
really helped you but I just wanted to say
your not alone. Other people feel like
you. I'm just as lost as you. I need
someone just as much as you. I want all
of this to just go away so I can live my
life just like you. And if I find a way
to overcome this you will hear from me.
stay strong
buddy..
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 01-08-07 17:34pm
Deadeye, I am not a dr but I don't think
you are a psychopath, sometimes we need a
little help along the way and their is
nothing to be ashamed of. Have you talked
to your dr and told him/her about the way
you are feeling and what you are going
through and maybe if you have mental
health in your area and please, don't take
me wrong, I am not trying to say that you
are crazy it is just like I said before,
sometimes you can go there and they can
lead you to the right people to talk to
such as a specialized physician. I too
was in a bit of a bummer when I figured
out I could not work anymore and my dr
kept telling me because my neuro situation
was getting worse and I have worked since
I was 13 y/o and I went to college and
provided for my two kids that are now
grown and are on their own and one is in
iraq and one is going to college in her
third year and working with special
children. I was able to pull myself out
of my rut and I am here if you or nosoul
ever needs to talk or vent. Just get the
professional help you need!
stay strong
buddy..
