My wife and I started dating at 14 years
old. We are 25 now and married for almost
4 years. Our sex life has always been
somewhat one sided, but after we get
started she is completely into it. The
problem is she has no desire and it will
start to hurt after 5 minutes or so. I
use to be able to touch her and go down on
her, which would be very enjoyable to her
once she put her guard down. After two
kids and busy lives our sex life is
depressing to the point at which I am
emotionally crushed. I feel though I have
been very understanding and very patient
with this. I have tried to bring in toys,
scents, romance, and many others. We are
still having sex one to two times a week,
which is okay, but when we do have sex she
never initiates anything not even a kiss.
If I try and touch her vagina she
unconsciously closes her legs. It takes a
minute and she has to focus and slowly
open her legs. Going down on her now is a
knee in the face or gasping for air. If
she does let me stick my finger inside she
says it hurts her. We have tried many
positions and lubes seem to burn. I have
asked her many times if something happened
when she was young and she says no over
and over. I don't think she would hide
something like that from me either. The
doctors did have to cut her a little with
both pregnancies, but most women do, don't
they? I just need some help desperately
and hopefully someone out there knows what
I am talking about. My wife and I are
best of friends and love each other very
much. I am also an average size guy when
it comes to my penis, so I don't think it
is that either. I really could go on for
a long time I just want to give you enough
info to help us. Thank you so much for
trying to help and god bless.
|
tululabell
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 May 2006 Posts: 256 Location: michigan
Posted: 12-05-06 21:01pm
Hi, well let me just say that if it is
hurting her that bad then she might want
to consult her gyno on it. It really
should not hurt like that.
And you probably know that women are so
different from men when it comes to
getting aroused! If I am tired or had a
long day I do not want to be bothered, and
since you have 2 kids she is probably
always tired!
I used to be just like your wife, I would
not want to have sex, if my husband tried
to touch me I would push him away, and
this lasted for a couple years! Not until
I stopped my birth control pills did I
find out that the pills were causing this!
And right now I am on clomid and I almost
feel that way sometimes. Anytime my
hormones are played with I get real
distant. But it isn't as bad this time.
She shouldn't be afraid to ask the Dr.
Because they hear and see worse things
than that all the time.
Has she always been kind of like that?
|
bherr
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Oct 2005 Posts: 17 Location: Dallas
Posted: 12-07-06 13:11pm
I want to start off by saying thank you.
Since my post we have talked and she told
me that she wants to change and feels
guilty about this. She told me it feels
like a chore and she doesn’t feel as
connected in sex like she use too. It
seems her drive has taken a downward
spiral since having our first child. When
I say it hurts her to have sex it is more
an uncomfortable felling. Almost feels
like sand paper to both of us.
Uncomfortable enough that she is wanting
me to finish asap. The lube does help,
but give her burning sensations afterward
which is worse.
The thing I am stumped on it the whole
foreplay rejection. Six months ago she
was asking for it quite a bit. Then all
of a sudden I went to touch her and she
smacked my hand. She swears she doesn't
know why she did this. Now I can't do
anything down there at all. I came from a
family that was torn apart by my mother
cheating, so she saw how much it affected
me and my family and would never cheat. I
understand very much that she is tired
from work and kids. Although she agrees I
do my half in the relationship with
housework and kids. My wife hates that
she is like this and the doctors keep
advising lube and different positions.
Her doctor also explained that some women
change after having kids. We love each
other more than we love ourselves. Our
relationship outside of the bedroom is
absolutely wonderful
|
christinamuir
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Feb 2006 Posts: 50 Location: san diego
Posted: 12-07-06 13:28pm
Hi,
after just having my 4th child last week,
I can say that I relate to your wife (not
with the pain, but the desire part).
Before I had children, I didn't mind
initiating sex because I was more
comfortable with my body. Now of course
I am heavier than I was pre babies, my
boobs were a little higher on my chest,
etc... Maybe some of what your wife is
feeling is insecurities with her body.
Keep talking with her about the situation.
If your relationship is as good as it
sound then i'm sure you can get through
this.
Good luck to you both.
|
maia
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Sep 2006 Posts: 49
Posted: 12-07-06 17:37pm
You already did what I was going to
advise, you spoke to her about it.
Honestly, that was probably the best thing
you could've done. Now all you have to do
is move forward in this together. You can
never know what's going through another
person's mind unless you ask them.
|
monkeygirl22
Supporter
Joined: 20 Nov 2006 Posts: 2399 Location: ,
Thanks: 9
Thanked:1
Posted: 12-12-06 22:59pm
I just wanted to add that reading your
post made me realize what I was doing to
my husband. It's not that I don't want to
make love with him, I just never feel the
urge to try and initiate anything. It
seems kind of selfish I know. Well, since
your post I have been trying to fix this.
Hopefully, your wife and I will be doing
better at this.
