Help Me Stay Strong And Not Phone Him! Posted: 12-04-06 18:09pm
Hi there,
i recently ended a 2.5yr relationship with
an older man (he's 36, i'm 22). He wanted
to get married and has been talking about
it for the past year, and I realised I
still needed to see more of the world, go
travelling, meet new people, before I
settled down. I felt I had to end things
sooner rather than later because of his
age - I couldn't keep him hanging about
for another year or so whilst I made up my
mind. We tried a non-communicating
'break' for 5 weeks, then I went to see
him and was so resolute about properly
finishing things, but he convinced me to
stay in touch for a while and think about
things. Then he came to see me for a few
days (this has always been a long-distance
relationship) and though we had a great
time, I just knew I had to end it. We
split up and said there would be no
communication, yet he rang me an hour
later on the train! He then rang me every
day for a week before I said enough is
enough, and I haven't heard from him for 4
nights.
I know this is the right thing to do, so
why am I feeling so desperate and
emotional and empty? I almost wish he
would call just so I could hear his
voice... I'm going to be strong, and i'm
going home from uni in just over a week
for lots of tlc, yet my parents only know
we split up, they don't know the
ins-and-outs, and how painful it's all
been, and they never liked him in the
first place, so they've practically got
the champagne out to celebrate!
It's so hard when my ex is the only person
I want to talk to right now - and I can't.
I know this is like so many other
break-ups but does anyone have any advice
on how I can get through this, and how,
eventually, we may be able to be friends
again? I do love being with him so much.
Thank you
flavia x
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lore03
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jul 2006 Posts: 9
Posted: 12-07-06 15:38pm
Hi flavia,
i'm on the other end, my boyfriend just
broke up with me last night and it's so
depressing. I'm sure he is having a hard
time dealing with the break up as much as
you are. It seems like he truly loves you
but the age difference is keeping you guys
apart. He is at an age where he is ready
to settle down and you still feel there is
a lot more things out there and you are
right. You want to do as much as you can
before you settle down so that later in
your relationship you have nothing to
blame him for. Think about this and see
what it is that you really want. If you
feel you truly love him then tell him so
and get back with him, just because you
are in a relationship does not mean you
can't do other things. Together you guys
can have lots of fun! But if you think
that you only miss him now because it is
recent and you are feeling lonely, don't
do it because you end up hurting him more
with false illusions. A broken heart is
the worst! As far as giving you advise on
keeping you from calling him and seeing
him only as a friend, there I don't have
much to say. I'm trying not to call my
boyfriend,well ex, I guess myself but only
to give him "space" still I am very
hopeful that we will get back together for
good and I can't imagine seeing him as a
friend only, I love him too much! Hope my
thoughts help although they might not be
the greatest right now since im in much
pain myself. Anyway, good luck!
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Re: Help Me Stay Strong And Not Phone Him! Posted: 12-07-06 15:50pm
I know you want to explore and see the
world and do all that fun stuff,but to me
it souds like you really .R.E.A.L.L.Y love
him.Why would you let that go? You should
follow your heart.Is it his age that
bothers you? Why can't you explore with
him,see new things with him.Its more fun
to do it with someone other than be alone.
. .I think you might have made a mistake
buther,if you feel you need your space
then just stay strong in what you believe!
Good luck!
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 12-07-06 16:03pm
Welcome to ehealth! True their is an age
difference but so what, if you care, you
care. You do need to figure out what you
want and try to stick with it. Long
distance relationships can have its pluses
and alot of minuses. If you want to call
and talk to him, I think that is what you
should do. I have learned that the only
way to get over one guy is to meet some
other guy as bad as that may sound.
Whatever you decide, I am here for you. A
lot of parents feel that a guy is not good
enough for their .Daughter and sometimes
they maybe right but alot of times that is
just being a parent, I myself like my
.Daughters b/f and my .Sons g/f, as long
as they stand by them and do not abuse
them and lead them down the wrong road
that is all I ask but we all get along,
which helps.
Good luck!
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RedDelight
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2006 Posts: 131 Location: I'm a Yettie!
Re: Help Me Stay Strong And Not Phone Him! Posted: 01-05-07 23:06pm
Howdy flavia-
guess what? I am in the same boat as
yourself! I am cutting all ties with the
person that has ruined a good
relationship. I had to turn off my cell
phone- just because of the annoyance of
continuously calling me!
I'll be here for ya- you can get through
this. It could be worst..And I know- my
ex wouldn't let me have friends- and I
have a limited amount of friends [hi
melissa!!] but it will be tempting- trust
me- I called once or twice.
Do what my friend suggested- sit down and
make a list- of good and bad things. My
bad list was about 50 pages long, compared
to my 4 page good list! It ticked me off
to the point I refuse to give in to him
anymore.
