Depression Forum - Fooling Myself

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Q: Fooling Myself

asked by: Becky on December 2nd, 2006

Especially eHealthy

I've been fooling myself for a very long time that everything is okay when it is not. I am desperately unhappy. I have 2 wonderful kids who I love very much but they are not enough to keep me going. I sometimes wish I could send them to live with someone else because I feel I am a terrible mother and they deserve better.

I lost the love of my life and it still kills me inside every waking hour. I try to put on a brave face to everyone and I became so used to doing it that it is like a second nature to me. The truth is I am not okay.

I have a new boyfriend who dotes on me and loves me very much but I don't love him. When he holds me and kisses me I feel empty inside. I don't think I have any emotion left. I know deep down that I should break up with him because it is not fair on him but I cling to him cause in some strange way he gives me comfort.

I have no enthusiasm to do anything anymore. Of course looking after my kids is mandatory so they are always fed/clothed etc but I couldn't care less about my house. Clothes and washing up pile up in the kitchen cause I couldn't give a damn about cleaning them. I am wreck. I don't cry though cause I have no emotion left. I am crying now as I write this however cause I think it has all come to a head for me.

I wish I could just disappear and start again. I don't want any of it. My kids, my house- anything. It would be far easier for me to just not exist.

I have no oomph for eating anymore. My kids are always cooked nutrious meals but I don't care about eating. I don't care about anything anymore.

I don't know what i'm going to do

Replies(7)

lil_blaze2004

replied on December 3rd, 2006

Supporter

Beck, go to a therapist, get some meds and start excercising. It's the best advice I can give. Been there, done that. Get help soon.

E-mail me if you need to,

reneblack

replied on December 3rd, 2006

Experienced User

Re: Fooling Myself

beckster06 wrote:

i've been fooling myself for a very long time that everything is okay when it is not. I am desperately unhappy. I have 2 wonderful kids who I love very much but they are not enough to keep me going. I sometimes wish I could send them to live with someone else because I feel I am a terrible mother and they deserve better.

I lost the love of my life and it still kills me inside every waking hour. I try to put on a brave face to everyone and I became so used to doing it that it is like a second nature to me. The truth is I am not okay.

I have a new boyfriend who dotes on me and loves me very much but I don't love him. When he holds me and kisses me I feel empty inside. I don't think I have any emotion left. I know deep down that I should break up with him because it is not fair on him but I cling to him cause in some strange way he gives me comfort.

I have no enthusiasm to do anything anymore. Of course looking after my kids is mandatory so they are always fed/clothed etc but I couldn't care less about my house. Clothes and washing up pile up in the kitchen cause I couldn't give a damn about cleaning them. I am wreck. I don't cry though cause I have no emotion left. I am crying now as I write this however cause I think it has all come to a head for me.

I wish I could just disappear and start again. I don't want any of it. My kids, my house- anything. It would be far easier for me to just not exist.

I have no oomph for eating anymore. My kids are always cooked nutrious meals but I don't care about eating. I don't care about anything anymore.

I don't know what i'm going to do

i have always felt like that but, the difference is, I will always love my kid, my one and only daughter. Cool

Jules

replied on December 4th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Re: Fooling Myself

reneblack wrote:

i have always felt like that but, the difference is, I will always love my kid, my one and only daughter. Cool

it's not that she doesn't love her kids, she just feels overwhelmed by them sometimes. Big difference.

usbbar

replied on December 4th, 2006

New User

I feel sad reading this because I can immagine you if you were my mum.
I don't think my mum is depressed because she always expresses herself to us... All the frustration etc...

I think you should stop hiding your emotions, I would rather see my mum cry all the time and give her a big hug than having her suffer in silence.

ginkgo

replied on December 4th, 2006

New User

Re: Fooling Myself

Lots of people are depressed. It is because they think that just by doing their everyday duties they will be happy. But it does not work that way. First if there was no hope for you, you would not be alive and breathing. But you are. So what is the purpose of your life? To eat food, get a mate, have kids and then die? No!

The purpose of your life is to experience a happiness greater than you can imagine. You are so miserable since you are not pursuing that. You need to force yourself to do certain things for you to pursue happiness. You can read something inspiring, watch an inspiring movie and exercise to start with. Yoga really helps your body and mind. I have been doing it since age 12. But do some kind of exercise.

There are a lot of things you can do to become happier and you made the first step. Read the webpage below for more things you can do. It is all about you. It mentions a page on natural healing that has tips on diet that help depression with great uplifting stories.

All you have to do is click the link and this info will be in your room in seconds. Nothing like this has existed before in the history of mankind. Previously you would have to travel to the bookstore, locate the book, wait in line, buy the book and take it back home. All that before you could even start reading the book. Read this webpage by clicking on to prescription for happiness: edit

reneblack

replied on December 4th, 2006

Experienced User

Re: Fooling Myself

purestgreen wrote:

reneblack wrote:

i have always felt like that but, the difference is, I will always love my kid, my one and only daughter. Cool

it's not that she doesn't love her kids, she just feels overwhelmed by them sometimes. Big difference.

sorry, I see why?

admin

replied on December 29th, 2006

Advanced Support Team (online)

Re: Fooling Myself

ginkgo wrote:

lots of people are depressed. It is because they think that just by doing their everyday duties they will be happy. But it does not work that way. First if there was no hope for you, you would not be alive and breathing. But you are. So what is the purpose of your life? To eat food, get a mate, have kids and then die? No!

The purpose of your life is to experience a happiness greater than you can imagine. You are so miserable since you are not pursuing that. You need to force yourself to do certain things for you to pursue happiness. You can read something inspiring, watch an inspiring movie and exercise to start with. Yoga really helps your body and mind. I have been doing it since age 12. But do some kind of exercise.

There are a lot of things you can do to become happier and you made the first step. Read the webpage below for more things you can do. It is all about you. It mentions a page on natural healing that has tips on diet that help depression with great uplifting stories.

All you have to do is click the link and this info will be in your room in seconds. Nothing like this has existed before in the history of mankind. Previously you would have to travel to the bookstore, locate the book, wait in line, buy the book and take it back home. All that before you could even start reading the book. Read this webpage by clicking on to prescription for happiness: edit

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