Ok so heres where I am at..... My x husband and I met as teenagers I fell in love with him immediately and new he was the one I would end up with. We stayed friends thru the years, he & I both got married to different people he had 2 children & I had none. 11 years ago after we were both divorced - we decided to get married. We were very intensely in love, but we never quite got along.... Like we did as friends. There was a lot of passionate fighting in the first few years, splitting up, then it ended up in the last few year with no communication what so ever. I felt dead inside. He kept pushing me for counseling for anything to salvage our marriage. We were both extremely unhappy. I couldn't even muster enough energy to think of starting counseling with him & rehashing all of our differences. So he left. It felt good, to be free again, to be able to live my life the way I want & feel the way I want and not have to answer to anyone. For months he begged me back. For months I refused & wouldn't even discuss it. He has now accepted the break up and is feeling pretty good. I am very proud of him & feel good he is in a good place, he is starting to test the waters & due to our 20 year history I want him happy, and his happiness means the world to me. So here is me: an old best male friend ( not lover ) who was relocating here, after his 10 year marriage dissolved. Needed a place to stay while he "got his stuff together" which was great cus being a single mom & having some one who helps out with the bills is a blessing. He is wonderful, he is my best friend we get along great, have all the same things in common. My son is in love with him, and vise versa. The house hold started shifting into a family atmosphere, we found ourselves sleeping in the same bed ( yes that means what you think it means ) and acting like a married couple. Hes in love with me & I do love him because of our history..... But the calmer my life gets... The more we are starting to grow, the more I start thinking about my x husband. I know in my heart I love my x husband. He is the love of my life. I am not sure it will ever be possible for us to ever find a place where he & I feel comfortable enough to try to get back together, I dont even know if we would have the energy. We were always uncertain, there was always turmoil & heartbreak. But when I look at the future with the my boyfriend I know that we would fit so well, and be perfect for each other, but I cant help that my heart has always burned so deeply for my x husband..... I feel like every since I was young I was meant to be with my x and even now I cant imagine growing old with anyone but him. Although I have the perfect man currently I feel like I will never belong to anyone but my x.
I cant stop thinking about the lyrics" you cant always get what you want, but if you try sometimes I think you'll find you get what you need" does this make since to anyone?
Just cause it makes sense it doesn't make it right.....................If the shoe were on the other foot..................Some dude was keepin you around cause you........Paid the bills? And cause your nice and "i kindof sortof love you.................But not really?! How would that make you feel?...............
.............Havin said that humans are humans and we're all entitled to our share of screwups.........................If your still pining for the ex..............Get your answer now.................Cause this is one of those "if onlys" you'll always wonder about...............................I get the feeling.................That ya got a beautiful man................Right in front of you....................And only cause he's a sure thing and a "nice guy"...........Maybe just maybe your taking him for granted?!
The current man, is having to deal with a lot from me right now. We are very upfront & honest about whats going on with both of us. He tells me, we deserve our chance, we deserve some hard work, & we deserve something good. And I really believe that. But I wonder if I will ever truly be able to give myself to him completely. I love my x husband and do not believe I want to be back with him, given our history..... This was a 20 year head over heel love & I just don't know how to stop loving him so much.