Ok so heres where I am at..... My x husband and I met as teenagers I fell in love with him immediately and new he was the one I would end up with. We stayed friends thru the years, he & I both got married to different people he had 2 children & I had none. 11 years ago after we were both divorced - we decided to get married. We were very intensely in love, but we never quite got along.... Like we did as friends. There was a lot of passionate fighting in the first few years, splitting up, then it ended up in the last few year with no communication what so ever. I felt dead inside. He kept pushing me for counseling for anything to salvage our marriage. We were both extremely unhappy. I couldn't even muster enough energy to think of starting counseling with him & rehashing all of our differences. So he left. It felt good, to be free again, to be able to live my life the way I want & feel the way I want and not have to answer to anyone. For months he begged me back. For months I refused & wouldn't even discuss it. He has now accepted the break up and is feeling pretty good. I am very proud of him & feel good he is in a good place, he is starting to test the waters & due to our 20 year history I want him happy, and his happiness means the world to me. So here is me: an old best male friend ( not lover ) who was relocating here, after his 10 year marriage dissolved. Needed a place to stay while he "got his stuff together" which was great cus being a single mom & having some one who helps out with the bills is a blessing. He is wonderful, he is my best friend we get along great, have all the same things in common. My son is in love with him, and vise versa. The house hold started shifting into a family atmosphere, we found ourselves sleeping in the same bed ( yes that means what you think it means ) and acting like a married couple. Hes in love with me & I do love him because of our history..... But the calmer my life gets... The more we are starting to grow, the more I start thinking about my x husband. I know in my heart I love my x husband. He is the love of my life. I am not sure it will ever be possible for us to ever find a place where he & I feel comfortable enough to try to get back together, I dont even know if we would have the energy. We were always uncertain, there was always turmoil & heartbreak. But when I look at the future with the my boyfriend I know that we would fit so well, and be perfect for each other, but I cant help that my heart has always burned so deeply for my x husband..... I feel like every since I was young I was meant to be with my x and even now I cant imagine growing old with anyone but him. Although I have the perfect man currently I feel like I will never belong to anyone but my x.
I cant stop thinking about the lyrics" you cant always get what you want, but if you try sometimes I think you'll find you get what you need" does this make since to anyone?
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