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I Think Im Developing An Ed? Helppp.

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For the past year ive been really focused on my weight. I've always been content with myself until about the past 4 months. I've taken charge. I can no longer look at myself in the mirror and be happy with anything I see. I hate it all. I think im the grossest thing to walk this earth. I go through spells quite frequently when I dont eat anything for a few days... Until I start feeling sick. Then I eat enough to get me by. Of course I experience the occasional purge when I eat something that I know I shouldn't have eaten. I am 5'3" and weigh 105 pounds. I want to weigh about 85-90. I know I know, thats horrible. Just 3 months ago I weighed 114. I go to the gym as much as I possibly can with my busy schedule. Usually 3-4 times a week for a few hours. I work out as hard as I can. On days I dont eat, I find it really really hard to keep up with myself. I rarely eat breakfast anymore.. Never lunch at school, and dinner sometimes-- only if my mom is home & makes me eat.. Unless I can be "sick" and get out of eating. After a day of no food, I feel sooo accomplished. I find myself buying magazines alllll the time. Why? Just to look at the skinny models and celebs. I myself do some modeling around town. My agency told me to lose 5 pounds about 8 months ago.. From then ive been crazy about my weight. I weigh myself everytime I go into the bathroom. What the scale says in the morning determines if I have a good day or not. I've really let this take my life away. Im to the point now where I hate my boyfriend touching me or looking at me because I feel like he deserves someone better than me. He always tells me that he loves the way I am and that im skinny and beautiful but I call him a liar. He knows some of my struggle but not all of it totally. He promised to keep this a secret. I just want to know if you think I have an eating disorder? I still get my periods, but theyre extremely irregular. I go anywhere from 28-50 days between them. Its a big guessing game. Oh, and of course, im at a healthy weight.. Right now atleast.

Please help. This is really hard.
Im always depressed and rarely have good days anymore. :[
anyone else going through this?
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replied November 28th, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
Re: I Think Im Developing An Ed? Helppp.
Hi. Kayla, you really seem to have and eating disorder. Have you heard of two brazilian girls who died about two weeks ago? They both were underweight and anorexic. One of them was a model and the other one was a fashion student.

kayla343 wrote:
of course I experience the occasional purge when I eat something that I know I shouldn't have eaten. I am 5'3" and weigh 105 pounds. I want to weigh about 85-90. I know I know, thats horrible. Just 3 months ago I weighed 114.


you may not have realised it yet, but you are actually underweight. If your agancy still tells you to lose weight, you must change of agency right now. They are killing you.
So, be careful, you need nourishment, you need to eat, to have all your meals. I mean all, specially breakfast. Otherwise, you won't be able to do your things, not even to things. Furthermore, your organs may be failing already and you don't even know it. When you get to know those things, it's already too late.

I also feel really don't when I eat and when I put weight on, but, trust me, it's better to be healthy and have curves - women's bodies are to have curves, not to be just bones - than to die from starvation.
Promise you'll get help. Send me a private message if you need anything, really do.
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replied December 5th, 2006
Experienced User
I want to say first of all I feel exactly like you and I am bout 5 ft 2-3" and I weigh rite now 114 pounds and I want too lose weight too I always feel fat and ugly and self concious and stuff I am sry for you cause I know how bad it feels all the time
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replied December 6th, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
This is society's fault :p not only, but mostly its fault Embarassed
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replied January 2nd, 2007
Oh
Look sweetheart... I'm 16 years old. I'm 5'3 & I weigh 134 lbs! You dont need to let yourself not eat for a few days and purge every once in a while.. I went through the exact same thing that you are going through righ tnow when I was 13 .. I weighd like 145ish and I didnt eat and I tried to throw up but I couldnt ..I weighed 130 lbs then . I was so malnurishd that it took me 2 years to get healthy again.I gaind my weight back to 150 and then lost it the right and healthy way ...And I now look healthy . You dont need to do this to yourself. I still have health problems now because of my ed.. Take care of yourself.. So what if you weigh 200 pounds all women are beautiful.. You should realize that you are too...
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replied January 2nd, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Re: Oh
kb08 wrote:
so what if you weigh 200 pounds all women are beautiful.. You should realize that you are too...


but why is it so hard to realise that? Sad
i'm thinking of doing a short movie about bulimia.. Well... Not about it - about a girl who suffers from it...
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