How I was raised:
i'm a nice person and very easy to
approach its due to the fact my
parents raise me to be good, therefore
good moral education. I'm a very
analytical person and when I question
about "life" I feel as if the world is so
messed up and deceiving that I think life
shouldn't be about what you want but what
you can do for others, hence I feel at
peace when I can make other people happy.
My friends think i'm special and mature
because I don't want anything: that is I
value the emotional connection more than
materialistic objects, in order words I
could care less about having a gift for my
bday, it's more the presence that counts.
What going through when dealing with life
crisis:
when I know I feel depressed, I isolate
myself because I don't want to hurt
others. I lose lots of interests in
social activities but I know it's a phase
that'll eventually go. But i've notice
that usually it's a big event that wakes
me up and tells me I gotta change. When
the depression phase is over I feel like
i'm in control of my life again, and I
enjoy being there for familly and friends
and make them happy.
Major crisis in my life:
lately i've been feeling really down so I
tried to analyze myself to see where's the
problem. I've notice that my first crisis
was when we moved from a small town to the
big city when I was around 16. I lost my
old friends and resided behind drugs. It
wasn't until college when I met new people
that I felt comfortable in the big city
(drugs and school not a good combo so I
stopped drugs). I was doing good until
the last year of cegep I kinda felt lost
and didn't know what I wanted to do for
career and I re-used drugs again. Got
through college met a special someone and
move on in my life (no more drugs). Then
I went to university (quebec, canada
education system flow is high school
---> cegep ---> then university)
again i'm doing well until in the 2nd year
I was more nostalgic and thinking about my
childhood friends and went deep down into
drugs. Now, i'm off drugs and almost
graduating.
Understanding myself:
it seems like the way I handle stress is
that i'm becoming more introverted, since
I feel so lonely drugs makes me feel
emotions I cannot get from isolating
myself from others, until I crash to a low
point and I realize I have to shape up.
(dad famous quote "problems are all
mentally made, people have caca problems,
just shut up and learn to adapt or conquor
them"... My parents had to live through
the death of my older sister whom i've
never got to known since she died when she
was very young and my dad's is very
successful "from cheap labor as chicken
slayer to $$$ businessman" we're
immigrants so he's like a good model of
"american dreams come thru". I've realize
that i've known my friends and familly for
a long time but I don't know them that
well because i'm having a hard time
communicating my problems "i prefer to put
the happy face on". As a result, people
think i'm doing fine since I never talk
about my problems and I keep moving foward
in my life.
In summary, when I crash I do deep down
but when i'm up I feel like pursuing the
american dream like my dad and be
successful.
In conclusion, it's a long article that
seems to go nowhere, it's because i've
never mentioned this to anyone that I
wanted to know what do you think of this?
Normal ? Or bipolar?
