It's really comforting in a not-so-good-way. Your post sounds exactly like something I would have written. I'm 20-yr's old, turning 21-yr's very soon. My longest relationship with a guy lasted for almost 4-yr's. He was my first love. It started out great, but eventually he became very abusive physically & verbally. Obviously verbal abuse plays a part in emotional & mental abuse. After I broke up with him, I dated 2 more guys, both of which stole my heart. I fell head-over-heels for both of my next boyfriends. Unfortunately, they were extremely sexually abusive. Both were sex addicts. I wanted so badly to wait to give it up to them, but neither "allowed" me that wait. [sorry if that is a terrible way of wording it].
I finally got myself out of both of those relationships. Now I am with a guy I have been seeing for the past almost 8-mo's. He is amazing! Completely respectful & sincere. He's just an all-round good guy. The kind of guy you see yourself with for a long time, quite possibly forever.
However, I am so afraid that i'm going to ruin it in some way or another. Whenever we hang out, I get overly frustrated & angry over the smallest stuff. Example: when we go on one of our day trips, if he takes a wrong turn by mistake, I get extremely upset with him. I can't help it. He's patient with me, which helps a lot when dealing with me, but I can't take myself. I know I drive him crazy at times. I am constantly complaining about something. If I am not complaining, then I am depressed & bottle myself up.
I know what you mean about feeling depressed about not waiting to have sex with a guy. The only way I know how describe what I feel is, and this is going to be contradicting, but I feel like I really want to have sex & I enjoy is so much, but as soon as it's over - I feel so unhappy. I feel disappointed in myself & i'm angry at my boyfriend for not telling me "no," despite the fact that I am giving him all the wrong i-want-it signals. It's like I expect way too much from my boyfriend.
If you want to talk, which I would love to hear more from you, pm me. My im is mischievousbabie.
