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Q: Annoyed!

asked by: Becky on November 14th, 2006

Especially EHEALTHy

Well I was just thinking about new years eve and geting excited about it but then realised that there is a high possibility that neil will be going out with his mates and/or girlfriend so I rang him to ask.

He said, 'i haven't made any plans yet'. So I said 'well I definately want to go out. I already have a new years party lined up.'

he was adamant that he was still going to go out and so i'd have to stay in with the kids and wouldn't be able to go.

I then tried to be reasonable and asked if he would pay for a babysitter so we can both go out (he earns good money) he said he's not willing to pay £15 per hour so I can go out as he will be able to go out anyway regardless.

This leaves me in a predicament. Everyone I know (including my mum) is going out for new year and I can't afford around £200 for a babysitter so it looks like i'm going to be stuck in the house on new years eve.

It may not be a big deal to most people but I would just like the chance to go out on a night when everyone is celebrating. It will also be even worse cause I know he is going out. He ardly ever has the kids now and never texts me to ask how they are.

Ok rant over. Guess I will be watching the countdown on the television Crying
or Very sad

Replies(18)

Sunflower_pie81 replied on November 14th, 2006

Extremely EHEALTHy

Hey I will mostlikely be watching tv on new years eve. But you know you need to tell that husband of yours that he doesnt' have a choice and that since he doesn't have any plans at this time that he has to watch the kids since you have plans already. That is what I would do. Have you thought about getting a lawyer and haveing child support set in place while you are still figuring out what to do????

Becky replied on November 14th, 2006

Especially EHEALTHy

Well I spoke to him about a divorce and he just laughed at me and said 'i'm not going to divorce you'

i know you can apply for rights to see your kids but I didn't think you can force the dad to see the kids? Am I wrong?

SamanthaM replied on November 14th, 2006

Supporter

Why will he not divorce you?

Kia replied on November 14th, 2006

Supporter

beckster06 wrote:

well I spoke to him about a divorce and he just laughed at me and said 'i'm not going to divorce you'

actually, in this situation he doesn't have a choice. If you want a divorce you are entitled to one as he is committing adultery.
I know this for definate in the uk as my mom recently had her decree absolute for her divorce.

If partner a commits adultery, partner b is legally entitled to divorce.
They can make him sign the papers, or I belive they can imprison him until he does, or a judge can overrule on grounds of adultery.

And drop your kids off here lol - i'm not going out - i'm going to scott brown's birthday party on the 29th instead (well known hardcore dj).

AlliE_18 replied on November 14th, 2006

Extremely EHEALTHy

I'd rather be at home with lucas when the new year starts...I'd hate to be somewhere else without my baby cos its a special time..Even tho he'll probably be sleeping...I'll still be with him and thats what matters to me. I know my mates are gonna ask me to parties but they can go drown themselves in alcohol lol im staying in with my son! Smile

wouldnt wanna be with anyone else...Well except my parents but thats not gonna happen.

I dont think neil is being very fair tho...They are his kids too and you should be deciding childcare together not just him saying -well im going out so its tough u gotta have them...Etc. Maybe you could have some friends round to your place instead becks? Have a party at yours? I thought about doing that but I dont wanna face the crap it brings along...

ThriftyGal replied on November 14th, 2006

Extremely EHEALTHy

Ah. Well you had children which means you don't get to do everything you want to anymore. I'm sure a lot of us won't be going out for new years. I wouldn't even admit what I was doing last new years in writing, yet this year I will be sitting on my ass probably eating chinese food, watching movies, and feeling sorry for myself. I promise you millions of moms all over the world won't be going out.

Becky replied on November 14th, 2006

Especially EHEALTHy

allie_18 wrote:

maybe you could have some friends round to your place instead becks? Have a party at yours? I thought about doing that but I dont wanna face the crap it brings along...

it would wake up the kids! Lol. Also I wouldn't want to tidy up afterwards.

I can understand what you are saying but I think christmas is about families thats why i'm staying with my babies at christmas.

The way neil is acting at the moment I don't think I could bare to be in the same room as him all day christmas so i'm having them christmas day and he's having them boxing day.

He won 't care cause last xmas I took layla up north with me and he refused to come! His daughters first christmas and he didn't want to be there! I had to literally drag him up there and beg him til he agreed. He was sulking the whole time Rolling Eyes

as far as the adultery thing goes- he says I can't prove it and he'll just say i'm lying.

I'm stumped... Sad

AlliE_18 replied on November 14th, 2006

Extremely EHEALTHy

Is it just me then? I'd rather be in with my child than out with mates, and its not cos im pregnant its just how I feel about being a mom now. Like tanya said, you cant expect to do all the stuff you used to do before kids came along, if u do its not fair on them. Just like I wanna be with my son on my birthday and every other special day/occasion.

Becky replied on November 14th, 2006

Especially EHEALTHy

allie_18 wrote:

is it just me then? I'd rather be in with my child than out with mates, and its not cos im pregnant its just how I feel about being a mom now. Like tanya said, you cant expect to do all the stuff you used to do before kids came along, if u do its not fair on them. Just like I wanna be with my son on my birthday and every other special day/occasion.

i don't class new years eve as a special event for my kids as they will be asleep when the clock strikes 12 anyway. I am with my kids 99% of the time so why shouldn't I be allowed to go out? Why is it ok for neil to go out without any guilt yet when I want to i'm supposed to feel like a terrible mother for not staying in to watch my kids sleep

edited to add- I never go out until 9pm anyway- and they go to bed at 8pm so whoever is watching them literally has to do nothing as they are asleep. I will be there when they wake up in the morning too

neighbours replied on November 14th, 2006

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

How come it's so expensive to get a babysitter?! I would do it for free for you but I guess that can't happen for many reasons lol...I hope you find a solution.

ThriftyGal replied on November 14th, 2006

Extremely EHEALTHy

I probably won't get to go to my highschool prom. If that makes you feel any better. Though I always thought all the kids I went to school with were idiots, and I never wanted to go before I got pregnant. But there is this girl who tried to make my life hell, she was such a b*tch! And when I got pregnant she started threatening me and saying I was getting fat and ugly. So now i've gotta get skinny and look good on prom and punch her in the face. Realistically I might not have anyone to watch baby that night, and because i'll be a mother I have to be more mature than that. But god knows I want to so bad.

neighbours replied on November 14th, 2006

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

tanyaface wrote:

i probably won't get to go to my highschool prom. If that makes you feel any better. Though I always thought all the kids I went to school with were idiots, and I never wanted to go before I got pregnant. But there is this girl who tried to make my life hell, she was such a b*tch! And when I got pregnant she started threatening me and saying I was getting fat and ugly. So now i've gotta get skinny and look good on prom and punch her in the face. Realistically I might not have anyone to watch baby that night, and because i'll be a mother I have to be more mature than that. But god knows I want to so bad.

what a cow...She should just wait until she gets pregnant though I hope she doesn't cos it doesn't sound like she'd make a very nice mum if that's her attitude. Just try be the big one and leave her alone, act as though she hasn't bothered you...That'll piss her off more i'm sure, she probably just wants a reaction out of you.

Becky replied on November 14th, 2006

Especially EHEALTHy

Thanks nikki. It's cause it's new years eve they charge triple time and its a minimum of 4 hours plus booking fees etc.

Tanya, it's not about being mature wanting a break evey now and then. Everyone needs to get away now and then cause it is damn hard work bringing up kids by yourself.

I negotiated with my boss so that I work from home to be with my kids all day. I do my work when they are in bed. I play with them all day long. Sometimes I don't get chores done cause i've been playing with them. Lol

i think i'm a good mother cause my kids are well loved and well looked after. They always have a smile on their face and everyone comments on what happy babies they are.

ThriftyGal replied on November 14th, 2006

Extremely EHEALTHy

I never applied being mature to wanting a break or to go out? I applied it to not punching a girl you hate in the face.

Why are babysitters so expensive? I babysat for about 5 - 7 dollars an hour, 5 kids at once, when I was 13. And that's canadian dollars which are worth less than british pounds... I think.

Becky replied on November 14th, 2006

Especially EHEALTHy

tanyaface wrote:

i never applied being mature to wanting a break or to go out? I applied it to not punching a girl you hate in the face.

sorry I misread Embarassed

tanyaface wrote:

why are babysitters so expensive? I babysat for about 5 - 7 dollars an hour, 5 kids at once, when I was 13. And that's canadian dollars which are worth less than british pounds... I think.

this is a professional company with registered nannies running it. Its the best of the best. I don't feel comforatble leaving my kids with just anyone. These people have all had at least 10 years experience being a nanny.

Sunflower_pie81 replied on November 14th, 2006

Extremely EHEALTHy

Can't you get him on abandonment???? I think that is grounds for divorce....Dont' know how it works over there.

As far as the going out think you just need to suck it up, this is what happens when you have babies. You take on responcibility and going out shouldn't be your first priority anyway.

Bridget replied on November 14th, 2006

Especially EHEALTHy

Who's going to be watching your little sister? Maybe you and your mom could split babysitting fees.

neighbours replied on November 14th, 2006

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

beckster06 wrote:

thanks nikki. It's cause it's new years eve they charge triple time and its a minimum of 4 hours plus booking fees etc.

aw, right

that sucks. I sometimes babysit for kids around 7 years old. Highest rate was £35 for 4 hours which was pretty damn good :d all the money I ever earn is going towards a return ticket to australia hehe Smile

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