I am a 28 year old male and I have been
with my partner for 8 years. Recently we
took a trip to italy and she ran into an
old flame. They didn't have a great
break up back in the day and so they got
into mucking through old baggage. She
comes back form this telling me that she
never really was attracted to me and was
with me because I am a good person. Now
here I am, I have my next 60 or 70 years
planned out with this girl. I knew who
was going to pull the plug on me in the
hospital room when the time came.. Or so
I thought. In any event, she is all
broken up about hurting me, I am a basket
case because, well, 8 years and you never
found me attractive and we are just now
realizing this?!?! I want to salvage
this relationship if I can as I truely do
love this woman. I have resigned myself
to letting her go if that is really what
she wants as I want to see her happy in
the end. We are going to start up couple
counseling next week as I think she really
does love me. I am just afraid she love
me like a brother. How dopey am I am
think this is just a phase she is going
through stemming from old emotions being
stirred up? She said she wants to feel
about me how she feels about this other
guy. And honestly, the words don't match
the actions. In the past she has been
nuts if I even looked at another girl, so
that shows me she felt some "ownership".
Though, that coul djust be a territory
thing I suppose. I think she is just
getting over unresolved infatuation with
this guy, but I am insecure and incredibly
depressed in the mean time. Thank god he
is 3500 miles away.
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 11-14-06 14:54pm
I think that she is excited by this other
guy.She knows him and she hasnt seen him
in years so its different to her.She also
could have been feeling the way she sauid
but not said anything to you because she
was scared and now she saw an
opportunity.I don't knwo what to tell you
except to let her go and if she comes
back, well take it from there.Maybe you
just don't have enough excitment for her.
Sometimes when people are togheter for a
long time, things they do become routine
and boring. If your eally wan tto fix
things you have to make it interesting and
fun again,like when you first got
together. Good luck and I hope things
work out for you!
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carlton
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2006 Posts: 2
Posted: 11-14-06 17:16pm
Quote:
i don't knwo what
to tell you except to let her go and if
she comes back, well take it from
there.
sigh, that was all I could think of
myself. Sometimes the best way to get
someone to chill on an idea is let them go
do it. Often times it isn't all they had
it cracked up to be in their head.
As far as the excitement, I don't buy it.
Maybe I am my own worst enemy as I have
made ceratin that was not the case and now
the expectations are too high? Sigh.
She even tells me that this guy is a stick
in the mud, dresses poorly, and isn't as
attractive as I am but he turns her on for
whatever reason. I have no reason to
think she is blowing smoke. What the?
I guess I just gotta keep being me and
hope for the best. I would hope the fact
that we have built a life together over 8
years (a home, family, business, careers,
etc) might hold some weight. Obviously it
does or she woul dnot want to be in
counseling I guess. Who knows? The human
animal makes no sense sometimes.
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apathyjunkie75
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Nov 2006 Posts: 8
Posted: 12-01-06 09:54am
Your partner seems to be feeling like her
life is too routine. Most people who have
been in unhealthy relationship most of
their lives find it hard to settle into a
heathy one. I know I did it for years.
Its the passion & drama they crave.
Right now your the nice guy, your the one
she knows that she should be with, but you
dont give her the excitement she craves.
Which is why we search outside the
relationship for things that excite us.
It is nothing you are doing. Right or
wrong its how unhealthy people work...
Look at all the talk show soap operas.
There is not a lot you can do for her,
really. But let her go, and figure out
what she's missing is what she wants, and
then you decide what your are willing to
accept back. Not that I suggest it at
all, its very unhealthy and could cause
more problems... But you could always
give her a dose of her own medicine and
start "talking" to an x from the past that
she would have issues with..... It will
get her attention, and in that time maybe
you could talk her into therapy, or get
her to open up & talk to you about
what she is lacking. Its a crapshoot
either way... As scary as uncertainty is,
it will always end up for the best.
