Ending a Relationship Forum - Don't Know How to React

Relationships > Ending a Relationship Forum > Don't Know How to React

Q: Don't Know How to React

asked by: carlton on November 14th, 2006

New User

I am a 28 year old male and I have been with my partner for 8 years. Recently we took a trip to italy and she ran into an old flame. They didn't have a great break up back in the day and so they got into mucking through old baggage. She comes back form this telling me that she never really was attracted to me and was with me because I am a good person. Now here I am, I have my next 60 or 70 years planned out with this girl. I knew who was going to pull the plug on me in the hospital room when the time came.. Or so I thought. In any event, she is all broken up about hurting me, I am a basket case because, well, 8 years and you never found me attractive and we are just now realizing this?!?! I want to salvage this relationship if I can as I truely do love this woman. I have resigned myself to letting her go if that is really what she wants as I want to see her happy in the end. We are going to start up couple counseling next week as I think she really does love me. I am just afraid she love me like a brother. How dopey am I am think this is just a phase she is going through stemming from old emotions being stirred up? She said she wants to feel about me how she feels about this other guy. And honestly, the words don't match the actions. In the past she has been nuts if I even looked at another girl, so that shows me she felt some "ownership". Though, that coul djust be a territory thing I suppose. I think she is just getting over unresolved infatuation with this guy, but I am insecure and incredibly depressed in the mean time. Thank god he is 3500 miles away.

Replies(3)

Melissa_20

replied on November 14th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

I think that she is excited by this other guy.She knows him and she hasnt seen him in years so its different to her.She also could have been feeling the way she sauid but not said anything to you because she was scared and now she saw an opportunity.I don't knwo what to tell you except to let her go and if she comes back, well take it from there.Maybe you just don't have enough excitment for her. Sometimes when people are togheter for a long time, things they do become routine and boring. If your eally wan tto fix things you have to make it interesting and fun again,like when you first got together. Good luck and I hope things work out for you!

carlton

replied on November 14th, 2006

New User

Quote:

i don't knwo what to tell you except to let her go and if she comes back, well take it from there.

sigh, that was all I could think of myself. Sometimes the best way to get someone to chill on an idea is let them go do it. Often times it isn't all they had it cracked up to be in their head.

As far as the excitement, I don't buy it. Maybe I am my own worst enemy as I have made ceratin that was not the case and now the expectations are too high? Sigh. She even tells me that this guy is a stick in the mud, dresses poorly, and isn't as attractive as I am but he turns her on for whatever reason. I have no reason to think she is blowing smoke. What the? I guess I just gotta keep being me and hope for the best. I would hope the fact that we have built a life together over 8 years (a home, family, business, careers, etc) might hold some weight. Obviously it does or she woul dnot want to be in counseling I guess. Who knows? The human animal makes no sense sometimes. Sad

apathyjunkie75

replied on December 1st, 2006

New User

Your partner seems to be feeling like her life is too routine. Most people who have been in unhealthy relationship most of their lives find it hard to settle into a heathy one. I know I did it for years. Its the passion & drama they crave. Right now your the nice guy, your the one she knows that she should be with, but you dont give her the excitement she craves. Which is why we search outside the relationship for things that excite us. It is nothing you are doing. Right or wrong its how unhealthy people work... Look at all the talk show soap operas. There is not a lot you can do for her, really. But let her go, and figure out what she's missing is what she wants, and then you decide what your are willing to accept back. Not that I suggest it at all, its very unhealthy and could cause more problems... But you could always give her a dose of her own medicine and start "talking" to an x from the past that she would have issues with..... It will get her attention, and in that time maybe you could talk her into therapy, or get her to open up & talk to you about what she is lacking. Its a crapshoot either way... As scary as uncertainty is, it will always end up for the best.

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