Hey everyone,

so i'm 15, and I think I might be depressed.

Two years ago, I went through a pretty rough period.

I was having really bad family problems, I just started high school ( which terrified me) and hitting puberty really brought the hormones on strongly.

About a month after starting highschool, I got sick. At first I was told it was just the flu. Then, after 3 weeks, I was told it was still the flu.

It lasted for 9 months. It was constant pain, tiredness, and feeling down.

I was diagnosed with everything from mono, hepatitis, having a stroke, then finally depression.
This was very hard for me, being told I had all these things. It was soo weird, I would be tested, and told I had it. Then suddenly it would change to something else serious.

They put me on anti-depressants, which really bothered me.

My whole life I had been so happy, I just didnt understand. But I trusted my doctors and went on the meds.

Shortly after going on the first ones, I started having panic attacks and stuff. So they changed me to a different one.

That one seemed to work fine, but then I got very suicidal.

After a while I started cutting myself.

I tried to get my doctor to take me off the pills, never telling him the whole story..But telling him I wasnt comfortable being on them anymore, but him and my family insisted I stay on them.

I decided, screw them, its not good for me to be on them and I went off.

Then I got one final diagnosis. Gifted.

I went to see a therapist and she diagnosed me with emotional and intelectual giftedness. My whole family was soo relieved and agreed fully.

And another thing we all agreed on - I needed to get out of school.

I was being bullied by both guys and girls, I had lost all intrest in learning or being around people and was failing most of my classes.

So this year, im being homeschooled. Its going pretty good, I get to do it all myself, which keeps me interested and also gives me time off if I need it. Im working, volunteering, and am in sports.

But I dont feel satisfied. At all.

Im sad most of the time. Ive become pretty good at hiding it-from everybody.

When I do act sad..I get crap from everybody, espacially my family.

Because of the way ive been treated by them and my friends for the last couple years, ive grown quite distant from nearly everybody.

They all think im fine, and our relationships are fine, but thats only because I dont tell them the truth.

I do still have friends I trust, and talk to...But..None of them can truly relate, or understand.

Its like, I cant have anything good happen.

I know its sounds weird..But I dont like being happy.

It doesnt feel right, I guess.

I would rather be sad.

But at the same time I hate it. I wanna be happy, and feel good again.

I just dont feel satisfied with my life, with who I am.

I know im kinda contradicting myself here, but im so confused.

I just wanna be able to talk to somebody who understands what its like to live with this problem.


thanks guys.