no. But it is sometimes easeir. Especially when one is not interested in their partner anymore.

If your man is doing that, then there is a problem. My guess he is not interested in having sex with you for one reason or not. You need to find out that reason.

heather,
if your husband/boy friend is doing that and it hurts you I do know how you feel.....Really crappy! I have caught my husband doing this too...What a turn off and it hurts. However, we are going to counseling and the counselor said it is easier for a man with ed to turn to that. There is no pressure of proformance and no ego to get hurt if he can't. It angers me off and hurts but we are working on it and seeing a counselor and getting him medically checked. It only took him 5 years to do it!!! It was either do something about it or I am leaving! He is doing something about it. Remember, it isn't you. It is hard to be objective because you hurt, and trust me I do know how you feel...I hate to say. But if he didn't want you why would he stay??? Think about that.
Lady12

I'd rather have sex with a woman. Although the advantages of masterbation sounds more convincing - no risk of pregnancy, no std's etc.

why not just let him do it , heck go join in time to time, might suprise him. Might really heat things up for awhile... Sit and watch it together , shoot watch eachother do it , and then hook up and do it together...


If u tried all these and theres still a problem.. Then go see a thereopist, or let him have his fun...

Well, i'm 8months pregnant and I have only caught him once and that was when we first found out that we were pregnant and we was not having that much sex because we were scared that reason is because we had a miscarriage a few months before and he has his penis pierced also and we did not know if that would hurt anything. I mean we are young, i'm 21 and he is 24 and and our sex is still great and I still feel sexy. Just because i'm pregnant does not mean that I dont look good. I'm not a cow (yet) just all belly. I still walk around half naked and tease him alittle bit when were home. It just bothered me when I seen him doing that and it made me think that he would rather do his hand that me. But I know when I have played with myself I dont think like that but I only do it when i'm really horny and hes not there to give me his goodies for pleasure. I have not seen him watch porn but I see him stopping the tv and rewinding it alot when a half naked woman is on there, but I bet all guys do that!!! Just like when they will be will be with there wife /girlfriend and no matter how hot their wife/girlfriend is they still look at other girls. I just was not really sure what to think and if it was me then I wanted to fix it now before it got bad or its just normal for guys to do that every once in a while? I have just seen him do the tv thing with the half naked girls in the past few months now. Thank you for your replys i'm just not sure what to think about this??? (oh and we have been married for 1 1/2 years but together for 2)
heather

""but I know when I have played with myself I dont think like that but I only do it when i'm really horny and hes not there to give me his goodies for pleasure. I have not seen him watch porn but I see him stopping the tv and rewinding it alot when a half naked woman is on there, but I bet all guys do that!!! Just like when they will be will be with there wife /girlfriend and no matter how hot their wife/girlfriend is they still look at other girls. I just was not really sure what to think and if it was me then I wanted to fix it now before it got bad or its just normal for guys to do that every once in a while? I have just seen him do the tv thing with the half naked girls in the past few months now. Thank you for your replys i'm just not sure what to think about this??? (oh and we have been married for 1 1/2 years but""

i would say stop being a hypocrite. You get yourself off, so why cant he? So what if he uses a bit of porn to do so. I would say grow up, and stop being such a jealous controlling woman. It is hypocritical of you to not have a problem getting yourself off, but feel sad and hurt when your man does it. If you even have thought seriously of, or do have, a vibrator then you are really a hypocrite when it comes to your man and porn.

Get a freaking spine lady.

Sorry, but I am really upset by this double standard, and you placing the blame of your bad feelings on your man, when it is your own fault.

You are so unfair.

The reason us girls get hurt so bad by this is because it makes us feel so inferior. I know thats how it makes me feel. Especially if u walk in on them jackin' it to a porno. How weird? It's just awkward. It's hurtful and no man could ever, ever understand how it hurts us. It hurts us deeply although they may never see it or understand why. Guys are very visual creatures. They'll never stop looking at porn. I've come to understand that. Even in relationships.. Which will always be a huge obstacle for women to get over. But that's what we have to do.

Hell dee.

Once again good points.

However, should a man feel upset at his woman using a vibrator? What if she goes to one of those vibrator parties, where some one is selling them like tuppar wear?

I personally would not mind, but some guys would get upset. Are they being foolish or controlling. I think many empowered women would say so. I as a confindent man, would also think such a person would be controlling.

If I found out such a man was getting himself off and using porn to do so, I would call him a hypocrite. I would also think he might have some other issues as well; one being control issues.

Yes, a man can understand what you and bamagirl felt. If we let the idea of our gf or wives using a vibrator makes us feel inferior it can cause us pain. The thing is, unless my wife goes crazy and just wants the vibrator, I got nothing to be worried about. I should have enough self confindence to not mind. Lastly, I should realize that is my wife's personal life, and I do not have a say in the matter. Nor should i.

For one i'm not controlling at all and I never will be. This is about my marriage. Just think about it... Walking in on your wife doing herself and watching porn not having anything to do with you. Would that not make you worry alittle, just about if you are giving your wife what she needs. I would never buy a vibrator for one and i'm not a horn dog either. I could go with out sex and its like coffee to some people. I'm sure there peoblem is that they started out slow then it just kept getting more and more and it stayed on there mind 24/7. I rather stop it now before it got to bad. I hope someone out there understands me. Really I think you probably should be alittle concerned about your wife dont just look over things. You should not hide anything from your partner no matter what it is. Open relationship is healthy and doing things behind their back is not right. I tell my husband everything and that will never change. Its just he trys to hide it from me and that is what I hate it makes me feel like crap.
Heather

""for one i'm not controlling at all and I never will be. This is about my marriage. Just think about it... Walking in on your wife doing herself and watching porn not having anything to do with you. Would that not make you worry alittle, just about if you are giving your wife what she needs. ""

i think you are being controlling. You are forcing your views and worries upon your husband. Lastly, if I caught my wife going to town on herself, I would all excited and join in. I would not be worried in the least. Lettting myself worry and get upset is just signs I want to control my partner. "they are only suppose to look at me, think about me, and want me. They are not allowed to find anyone else good looking or attractive, I am only person who they are suppose to like." basically that is what you are feeling, and that is very controlling on your part. You want to control your husband's thoughts and desires. Well good luck, it aint gonna happen bama.

In terms of giving your husband what he needs. Leaving him alone from time to time, and letting him does his own thing is giving him what he needs. Sometimes he is tired but horny. The whole act of sex, the foreplay, the large movements, etc are just too much. He wants to have a quick wack and move on with his day. He does not want to have to bother or be bothered with someone else. You should not feel hurt, just understand he is not in the mood for out and out sex. He wants a quicky with himself and to keep it simple and fun. He want to be totally selfish in pleasing himself. He does not want to have to worry about your needs in the bed at that time. I think you should give him a break.


Obviously, masturbatio is a personal thing, even if married. Given how you are hurt by the fact, it gives him more reason to keep it secret from you. Also, given the idea that "you can go" with out sex for a long period of time, I do not blame him for getting himself off. Maybe you should not try going without sex so much. Lastly, you thinking him looking at porn is going to get worse and wrose is just stupid. It does not work like that, and you are letting your ignorance get in the way, and cause you and your husband grief.

Yes, I think the problem is less with your husband and maybe more with you. You should have more confindence in yourself, your husband, and your marriage. So what he looks and porn?? Really think about it. He is getting off to people he will never meet. They are unreal, just like a vibrator.

I really think you need to change your views on this. If not, you are just to be unhappy for a long time. Especially unhappy over nothing.

Ps if some one agrees with you strongly enough or disagrees with me strongly enough, they will make a post. You asking for help, to me is just looking for validation of your own ideas. You are hearing what you do not want to hear from me, and think I do not understand. I understand you and your feelings. I have been there, with a past gf. I think your feelings are misdirected.

Heather,
your husband is completely normal. Everyone masturbates, you admitted to it yourself, so you know that. You have your reasons, because he wasn't home. So i'm sure he has his reasons, whatever they are. Maybe he's not trying to hide anything, maybe he just thinks it's not a priority topic of conversation. Does he tell you how many times a day he uses the restroom? Probably not, because to him, that is insignificant, so he may feel that his masturbation habits are insignificant too. He does it, goes on, and forgets about it. No big deal.

I think makoto is right about your husband just wanting a quickie with himself. Some people have a bigger sex drive than others and from what you said it looks like your husband's is bigger than yours. So what's wrong with him taking 3 minutes out of the day to get off real quick? It's better than him coming to you for sex and only lasting 5 minutes and leaving you lay there unsatisfied isn't it? He probably thinks so anyway. I think that's kind of considerate of him.

This may be irrelevant to your situation, maybe. But some guys consider their wives/girlfriends to be extremely fragile when they are pregnant. It doesn't matter if you're a "cow" or not. It has nothing to do with attraction. Maybe he's afraid of hurting you, whether there is reason for him to feel that way or not. Some guys are just like that with pregnant women. So that may be why he is masturbating more frequently than normal or your you are having sex less than normal, whatever it is.

He might be afraid of hurting your feelings if he tells you this. Since it's temporary, he might not see it as a problem, you know?

You are worrying about nothing, but pregnancy does that to you (trust me) unless your husband doesn't want to have sex with you at all then there is no problem. I can't understand why anyone would be hurt that there hubby is pleasing himself. At least he aint getting someone else to please him. There is absolutley no reason what so ever for feeling "hurt" because your partner is getting him self off, if you catch him doing it why not offer to help it will be a damm sight more fun than getting upset about it. You admitted that you do it yourself so don't turn on him because for whatever reason he was horny and needed release. I have a higher sex drive than my hubby so I make do when he isn't in the mood, there is nothing worse than being real horny and not being able to have sex so it is easier to get it over and done with and get on with your day. As far as I know my hubby doesn't have a problem with this and if he does..... Tough! I aren't doing anyone any harm and I aren't forcing hi m to have sex when he doesnt want to. You need to get over this - that is the only solution! You said that he hides it from you and thats what you hate - its not something that comes up in everyday conversation and I doubt he is hiding it from you, he is probably a little embarrased. It happens and most people do it - it doesn't mean any thing other than you were horny - simple as that.