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Q: Just Got Divored... And Dating Someone
asked by: Boston on January 29th, 2004
New User
He's very serious with me.... Too soon !!!

I really enjoy his company... But he smokes, and I hate that. He told me he would quit, he has no intentions to do so. He's also very insecure and telling me he loves me already. It's freaking me out.

Had him over for dinner a few times; it's just not someone I wish to see further; but don't wish to hurt him.

Any advice for a clean break would be helpful.

Thanks.
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mike101
replied on January 29th, 2004
Experienced User
There is no magic formula for avoid potential hurt, however you can minimize his potential distress by:

1. Dealing with the situation sooner rather than later, as longer investments of time in a relationship tend to make clean breaks more difficult.

2. If he is insecure, don't make the break about him (even if it is) this tends to prompt the 'i'll change response'. It is better to indicate (if asked) that you need an opportunity to focus on your health and well being in a singular sense

3. Finally it is not advisable to continue the relationship in a friendship mode as this often sends a mixed message to people who are insecure.

Mike
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manfat
replied on January 30th, 2004
New User
Mikes advice is good, but avoid "its not you" speeches, also ask his feelings after you tell him, avoid raising your voice if poss and if you don't know this guy well, do it in a quiet but public place. Above all, leave no doubt!
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pdeen
replied on February 1st, 2004
Anonymous
?
Hi there, if you haven't been serious with the person
just explain you are newly divorced and don't wish to get in to anything right now . And don't go back to that person.Otherwise you'll be back where you started from.
Believe me I know!!!!!!
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san54
replied on February 1st, 2004
Experienced User
Dating Right After Divorce
Just tell him it is too soon to be serious. That you need some alone time.
It sounds like he is very needy and you don't need that right now. Good luck Wink Wink
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