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Just Got Divored... And Dating Someone

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Boston

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jan 2004
Posts: 5
Location: Boston
Just Got Divored... And Dating Someone
Posted: 01-29-04 16:56pm

He's very serious with me.... Too soon !!!

I really enjoy his company... But he smokes, and I hate that. He told me he would quit, he has no intentions to do so. He's also very insecure and telling me he loves me already. It's freaking me out.

Had him over for dinner a few times; it's just not someone I wish to see further; but don't wish to hurt him.

Any advice for a clean break would be helpful.

Thanks.
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mike101

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Oct 2003
Posts: 134
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: 01-29-04 18:23pm

There is no magic formula for avoid potential hurt, however you can minimize his potential distress by:

1. Dealing with the situation sooner rather than later, as longer investments of time in a relationship tend to make clean breaks more difficult.

2. If he is insecure, don't make the break about him (even if it is) this tends to prompt the 'i'll change response'. It is better to indicate (if asked) that you need an opportunity to focus on your health and well being in a singular sense

3. Finally it is not advisable to continue the relationship in a friendship mode as this often sends a mixed message to people who are insecure.

Mike
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manfat

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jan 2004
Posts: 28

Posted: 01-30-04 12:24pm

Mikes advice is good, but avoid "its not you" speeches, also ask his feelings after you tell him, avoid raising your voice if poss and if you don't know this guy well, do it in a quiet but public place. Above all, leave no doubt!
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Guest

Guest


Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
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Posted: 02-01-04 10:32am

Hi there, if you haven't been serious with the person
just explain you are newly divorced and don't wish to get in to anything right now . And don't go back to that person.Otherwise you'll be back where you started from.
Believe me I know!!!!!!
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san54

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2003
Posts: 227
Location: Virginia
Dating Right After Divorce
Posted: 02-01-04 11:41am

Just tell him it is too soon to be serious. That you need some alone time.
It sounds like he is very needy and you don't need that right now. Good luck Wink Wink
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