Abortion Debate Forum - Searching For Answers.

Birch

replied on November 2nd, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Re: Searching For Answers.

eugeniabrown wrote:

when a woman comes to these forum searching for answers she is most likely to end up in "support" forum. If it was me, I would not probably go to "prolife" forum. I may consider a "debate" forum.

I have been asked not to post in "support" forum, never the less I think I have much to say from my own experience. Your situation may be different but if you can relate just to some things that I am writing, it will make me happy:

there are many times I experienced as I call them “unexpected feelings”. I call them that because you never know when you will feel them, you may see something you may hear something, or some one is talking about subject of abortion and all of sudden these feelings would come up. One time I was in church (it was a roman catholic church), that day was first communion. All the children were nicely dressed, girls wearing nice white little dresses and the boys all dressed real nice, and at that moment I felt very sad because my child will never make first communion, confirmation. But it really doesn't need to be church related activities it may be a graduation at some one else's child, a wedding a sweet sixteen party. And as you witness stages of live of other children, you are reminded of how your child would have been. Even as simple as hearing some one else's child age being mentioned may remind of your own children that would have been maybe just as old (or young).

And I think that all through life, whether you have another children or not after an abortion, these feelings still can cut you off guard. But these feelings can be particularly overwhelming for some one like me, who has no other children. I am married now but we are do not have but I don't know if we will be able to have a child, I pray to god that we will. Sometimes I feel almost as if I have given up an opportunity to have a child with my abortion and there is no hope that other children would come into my life. The “unknown” of what is going to happen can be quiet overwhelming.

There are many women who may be going through a menopause, or maybe some never met another person to have children with. And the have to deal, as their bodies starting to change on them and shut down,with the feelings of what they lost. I know women who either have been through that or are currently going though. These women need healing because it is even harder to take on the future as your body is changing, and there is not much you can do about or turn your body clock back. As it is these kind of moments of your life can be very sad, forget about still having to deal with the burden of were placed on your shoulders years and even decades ago.

These “unexpected feelings” can come up in your relationships, your can be reminded of something in the past by the person you love. It maybe reminder of a guy that did not treat you well. It can be a simple as they way some one grabs you by your hand, talk to you or even the way you being kissed. You maybe married to some one who loves you very much, and he does something that is not meant in a bad way but it's similar to what you have experienced in the past, and it may remind you a time when you were asked to give your child away. It can take you back in your mind to those times and interfere severely in the present relationship with your new husband or your new boyfriend. Some women may not be even aware that those feelings and emotions may be interfering in their lives and their new relationships. And of course the men do not understand why is my wife or my girlfriend is acting this way, or why they feel that way. They wonder what did they do wrong, but the truth is that hey did not do anything wrong they just unaware what is going through a womans heart at that moment. For the woman it may be hard to talk about it, simply because they do not want to bring the past into their new relationships. But if a man new where it is coming from he might understand.

These feelings and flashback into the past can often come up during the times of intimacy. Something from the past flashes in front of your face and with your entire being you want these things out of your new relationship, but this is something a woman needs to overcome and heal from.

Going back to children. Some times you become overprotective over children that you know now. The over-protectiveness comes from the fact that you could not save your own children but now are ready to even give up your life to save a child.

It is a kind of emotional roller coaster that post abortive women go through. This roller coaster is not unknown to women who may deny that abortion has affected their lives and even though emotions can be battled up and claims can be made that “i am happy with what I did. I made the right decision, it doesn't bother me. There is a danger in bottling up those emotions and denial while being sometimes behind out control can blind us up when the past creeps into their present life disabling them from having a chance for real relationships.

Those who do find good relationships are very lucky, specially to find a man who would understand where some of the things are coming from. To understand where that woman been through in the past.

So here it is, even if one voice in the desert. I propbably will have no success on the forums here, I may even be banned from posting here in the future. For quiet a while I have been publishing a blog where I wrote about my experince and now I have an intire web-site with a forum. Feel free to join me:

p.S. While every one is welcomed at my forum, extremes on either sides of the issue are not welcomed and will be deleted and banned.

you won't be banned here if you follow the bloody rules.

I just want to comment that although you have felt guilt at your abortion, not everyone does, and this is not a good enough reason to tell women they should keep their pregnancies.

Also, since you are having difficult time conceiving, why not adopt? You're prolife, so why not practice what you preach?

I would also suggest seeking out a counselor as you seem to have issues with your decision made years ago. There is no reason to continue to punish yourself for a decision you made so long ago.

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EugeniaBrown

replied on November 2nd, 2006

Experienced User

Re: Searching For Answers.

birch wrote:

eugeniabrown wrote:

when a woman comes to these forum searching for answers she is most likely to end up in "support" forum. If it was me, I would not probably go to "prolife" forum. I may consider a "debate" forum.

I have been asked not to post in "support" forum, never the less I think I have much to say from my own experience. Your situation may be different but if you can relate just to some things that I am writing, it will make me happy:

there are many times I experienced as I call them “unexpected feelings”. I call them that because you never know when you will feel them, you may see something you may hear something, or some one is talking about subject of abortion and all of sudden these feelings would come up. One time I was in church (it was a roman catholic church), that day was first communion. All the children were nicely dressed, girls wearing nice white little dresses and the boys all dressed real nice, and at that moment I felt very sad because my child will never make first communion, confirmation. But it really doesn't need to be church related activities it may be a graduation at some one else's child, a wedding a sweet sixteen party. And as you witness stages of live of other children, you are reminded of how your child would have been. Even as simple as hearing some one else's child age being mentioned may remind of your own children that would have been maybe just as old (or young).

And I think that all through life, whether you have another children or not after an abortion, these feelings still can cut you off guard. But these feelings can be particularly overwhelming for some one like me, who has no other children. I am married now but we are do not have but I don't know if we will be able to have a child, I pray to god that we will. Sometimes I feel almost as if I have given up an opportunity to have a child with my abortion and there is no hope that other children would come into my life. The “unknown” of what is going to happen can be quiet overwhelming.

There are many women who may be going through a menopause, or maybe some never met another person to have children with. And the have to deal, as their bodies starting to change on them and shut down,with the feelings of what they lost. I know women who either have been through that or are currently going though. These women need healing because it is even harder to take on the future as your body is changing, and there is not much you can do about or turn your body clock back. As it is these kind of moments of your life can be very sad, forget about still having to deal with the burden of were placed on your shoulders years and even decades ago.

These “unexpected feelings” can come up in your relationships, your can be reminded of something in the past by the person you love. It maybe reminder of a guy that did not treat you well. It can be a simple as they way some one grabs you by your hand, talk to you or even the way you being kissed. You maybe married to some one who loves you very much, and he does something that is not meant in a bad way but it's similar to what you have experienced in the past, and it may remind you a time when you were asked to give your child away. It can take you back in your mind to those times and interfere severely in the present relationship with your new husband or your new boyfriend. Some women may not be even aware that those feelings and emotions may be interfering in their lives and their new relationships. And of course the men do not understand why is my wife or my girlfriend is acting this way, or why they feel that way. They wonder what did they do wrong, but the truth is that hey did not do anything wrong they just unaware what is going through a womans heart at that moment. For the woman it may be hard to talk about it, simply because they do not want to bring the past into their new relationships. But if a man new where it is coming from he might understand.

These feelings and flashback into the past can often come up during the times of intimacy. Something from the past flashes in front of your face and with your entire being you want these things out of your new relationship, but this is something a woman needs to overcome and heal from.

Going back to children. Some times you become overprotective over children that you know now. The over-protectiveness comes from the fact that you could not save your own children but now are ready to even give up your life to save a child.

It is a kind of emotional roller coaster that post abortive women go through. This roller coaster is not unknown to women who may deny that abortion has affected their lives and even though emotions can be battled up and claims can be made that “i am happy with what I did. I made the right decision, it doesn't bother me. There is a danger in bottling up those emotions and denial while being sometimes behind out control can blind us up when the past creeps into their present life disabling them from having a chance for real relationships.

Those who do find good relationships are very lucky, specially to find a man who would understand where some of the things are coming from. To understand where that woman been through in the past.

So here it is, even if one voice in the desert. I propbably will have no success on the forums here, I may even be banned from posting here in the future. For quiet a while I have been publishing a blog where I wrote about my experince and now I have an intire web-site with a forum. Feel free to join me:

p.S. While every one is welcomed at my forum, extremes on either sides of the issue are not welcomed and will be deleted and banned.

you won't be banned here if you follow the bloody rules.

I just want to comment that although you have felt guilt at your abortion, not everyone does, and this is not a good enough reason to tell women they should keep their pregnancies.

Also, since you are having difficult time conceiving, why not adopt? You're prolife, so why not practice what you preach?

I would also suggest seeking out a counselor as you seem to have issues with your decision made years ago. There is no reason to continue to punish yourself for a decision you made so long ago.

http://ehealthforum.Com/health/terms.Html

you mean these rules?

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Birch

replied on November 2nd, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Re: Searching For Answers.

eugeniabrown wrote:

birch wrote:

eugeniabrown wrote:

when a woman comes to these forum searching for answers she is most likely to end up in "support" forum. If it was me, I would not probably go to "prolife" forum. I may consider a "debate" forum.

I have been asked not to post in "support" forum, never the less I think I have much to say from my own experience. Your situation may be different but if you can relate just to some things that I am writing, it will make me happy:

there are many times I experienced as I call them “unexpected feelings”. I call them that because you never know when you will feel them, you may see something you may hear something, or some one is talking about subject of abortion and all of sudden these feelings would come up. One time I was in church (it was a roman catholic church), that day was first communion. All the children were nicely dressed, girls wearing nice white little dresses and the boys all dressed real nice, and at that moment I felt very sad because my child will never make first communion, confirmation. But it really doesn't need to be church related activities it may be a graduation at some one else's child, a wedding a sweet sixteen party. And as you witness stages of live of other children, you are reminded of how your child would have been. Even as simple as hearing some one else's child age being mentioned may remind of your own children that would have been maybe just as old (or young).

And I think that all through life, whether you have another children or not after an abortion, these feelings still can cut you off guard. But these feelings can be particularly overwhelming for some one like me, who has no other children. I am married now but we are do not have but I don't know if we will be able to have a child, I pray to god that we will. Sometimes I feel almost as if I have given up an opportunity to have a child with my abortion and there is no hope that other children would come into my life. The “unknown” of what is going to happen can be quiet overwhelming.

There are many women who may be going through a menopause, or maybe some never met another person to have children with. And the have to deal, as their bodies starting to change on them and shut down,with the feelings of what they lost. I know women who either have been through that or are currently going though. These women need healing because it is even harder to take on the future as your body is changing, and there is not much you can do about or turn your body clock back. As it is these kind of moments of your life can be very sad, forget about still having to deal with the burden of were placed on your shoulders years and even decades ago.

These “unexpected feelings” can come up in your relationships, your can be reminded of something in the past by the person you love. It maybe reminder of a guy that did not treat you well. It can be a simple as they way some one grabs you by your hand, talk to you or even the way you being kissed. You maybe married to some one who loves you very much, and he does something that is not meant in a bad way but it's similar to what you have experienced in the past, and it may remind you a time when you were asked to give your child away. It can take you back in your mind to those times and interfere severely in the present relationship with your new husband or your new boyfriend. Some women may not be even aware that those feelings and emotions may be interfering in their lives and their new relationships. And of course the men do not understand why is my wife or my girlfriend is acting this way, or why they feel that way. They wonder what did they do wrong, but the truth is that hey did not do anything wrong they just unaware what is going through a womans heart at that moment. For the woman it may be hard to talk about it, simply because they do not want to bring the past into their new relationships. But if a man new where it is coming from he might understand.

These feelings and flashback into the past can often come up during the times of intimacy. Something from the past flashes in front of your face and with your entire being you want these things out of your new relationship, but this is something a woman needs to overcome and heal from.

Going back to children. Some times you become overprotective over children that you know now. The over-protectiveness comes from the fact that you could not save your own children but now are ready to even give up your life to save a child.

It is a kind of emotional roller coaster that post abortive women go through. This roller coaster is not unknown to women who may deny that abortion has affected their lives and even though emotions can be battled up and claims can be made that “i am happy with what I did. I made the right decision, it doesn't bother me. There is a danger in bottling up those emotions and denial while being sometimes behind out control can blind us up when the past creeps into their present life disabling them from having a chance for real relationships.

Those who do find good relationships are very lucky, specially to find a man who would understand where some of the things are coming from. To understand where that woman been through in the past.

So here it is, even if one voice in the desert. I propbably will have no success on the forums here, I may even be banned from posting here in the future. For quiet a while I have been publishing a blog where I wrote about my experince and now I have an intire web-site with a forum. Feel free to join me:

p.S. While every one is welcomed at my forum, extremes on either sides of the issue are not welcomed and will be deleted and banned.

you won't be banned here if you follow the bloody rules.

I just want to comment that although you have felt guilt at your abortion, not everyone does, and this is not a good enough reason to tell women they should keep their pregnancies.

Also, since you are having difficult time conceiving, why not adopt? You're prolife, so why not practice what you preach?

I would also suggest seeking out a counselor as you seem to have issues with your decision made years ago. There is no reason to continue to punish yourself for a decision you made so long ago.

http://ehealthforum.Com/health/terms.html

you mean these rules?

those are nice rules, too, but i'm sure you have neglected the ones about posting inappropriately in the inappropriate forums.

Why aren't you going to adopt? And have you sought counseling?

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EugeniaBrown

replied on November 2nd, 2006

Experienced User

Re: Searching For Answers.

birch wrote:

those are nice rules, too, but i'm sure you have neglected the ones about posting inappropriately in the inappropriate forums.

Why aren't you going to adopt? And have you sought counseling?

i have. I was lucky to find project rachel. Why if some one shares their experience that is not pro-choice is looked at as "unhealthy". As a matter of fact we are initiating adoption.

As for the "nice rules"- these are the rules of entire website and there may be some legal implications to the owners of the website if material in the forums does not comply that is why they ask to report abuse. The fact the some one is a moderator on a particular forum does not mean the own the website.

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sandyallen

replied on November 2nd, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

I happen to agree with .Birch, what happened happened along time ago, sure you may never forget but put it in the past and leave it there, you did it for a reason at that time and that time is gone and it is time to move on, forgive yourself, seek help, continue on with the possible adoption, as birch says you will not get booted if you go along with the simple rules, they are not difficult. I think you unerstand more than what you 1st did.
Good luck. We are here for you, if you treat us right, we will treat you properly.

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EugeniaBrown

replied on November 2nd, 2006

Experienced User

sandyallen wrote:

i happen to agree with .Birch, what happened happened along time ago, sure you may never forget but put it in the past and leave it there, you did it for a reason at that time and that time is gone and it is time to move on, forgive yourself, seek help, continue on with the possible adoption, as birch says you will not get booted if you go along with the simple rules, they are not difficult. I think you unerstand more than what you 1st did.

Good luck. We are here for you, if you treat us right, we will treat you properly.

look girls,

i have been here long anough to read throug a couple of dozens of post and topics, those who enforce rules do not follow them.....

It just shows me that you chose to shut people up by deleting moving or locking their topics..... I stand by what I said, the "support" forum is "one sided" and "pro-abortion".

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Tylanas

replied on November 2nd, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Well, it is the abortion support forum, whaddya think we're going to do, tell women never to abort?

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nightangel73

replied on November 2nd, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Re: Searching For Answers.

birch wrote:

why aren't you going to adopt? And have you sought counseling?

she doesn't need any counseling. She has come up to peace with herself and god and she just want to share with the people her experience so others could learn from her experience.

It think it is a good thing what you do eugenia, I commend you for it.

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Birch

replied on November 3rd, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Re: Searching For Answers.

nightangel73 wrote:

birch wrote:

why aren't you going to adopt? And have you sought counseling?

she doesn't need any counseling. She has come up to peace with herself and god and she just want to share with the people her experience so others could learn from her experience.

It think it is a good thing what you do eugenia, I commend you for it.

clearly, she is not mentally healthy about this experience...She does have to come to peace...And she's not doing such a hot job by herself...She needs someone to talk to. Could even be a pastor or someone related to the church.

I support her sharing her experiences with people, but it needs to be appropriate. She is making assumptions about what other people will feel, and that is shaky ground. Plus, it is offensive to those who have been through the same experience and do not share her feelings.

eugnenia wrote:

look girls,

i have been here long anough to read throug a couple of dozens of post and topics, those who enforce rules do not follow them.....

It just shows me that you chose to shut people up by deleting moving or locking their topics..... I stand by what I said, the "support" forum is "one sided" and "pro-abortion".

firstly, I am not a "girl", I am a woman, and you should be respectful of the female gender by not using the term to address women.

Ehealth isn't a democracy.

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EugeniaBrown

replied on November 3rd, 2006

Experienced User

Re: Searching For Answers.

birch wrote:

nightangel73 wrote:

birch wrote:

why aren't you going to adopt? And have you sought counseling?

she doesn't need any counseling. She has come up to peace with herself and god and she just want to share with the people her experience so others could learn from her experience.

It think it is a good thing what you do eugenia, I commend you for it.

clearly, she is not mentally healthy about this experience...She does have to come to peace...And she's not doing such a hot job by herself...She needs someone to talk to. Could even be a pastor or someone related to the church.

I support her sharing her experiences with people, but it needs to be appropriate. She is making assumptions about what other people will feel, and that is shaky ground. Plus, it is offensive to those who have been through the same experience and do not share her feelings.

eugnenia wrote:

look girls,

i have been here long anough to read throug a couple of dozens of post and topics, those who enforce rules do not follow them.....

It just shows me that you chose to shut people up by deleting moving or locking their topics..... I stand by what I said, the "support" forum is "one sided" and "pro-abortion".

firstly, I am not a "girl", I am a woman, and you should be respectful of the female gender by not using the term to address women.

Ehealth isn't a democracy.

so the democracy gives you a right call me mental. Nice Wink

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sandyallen

replied on November 3rd, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Eugenia Brown

To set the record straight, I am not a fundie(i know that you did not call me that) I am woman, here me roar (i am older than you are) I am not a kil*ler or the m word I did not have much choice on my abortions one I was kicked in the stomach at 5 & 1/2 months pregnant several times and the fetus had very much damage and was in the passing on process and even when the dr saw it and I did too he said it hardly looked like a fetus with all the damage and the other time was when an older type iud failed me and ended up in the fetus head and I ended up with a very nasty infection and the fetus passed on but it would not expel itself plus I had 2 m/c prior to that but I did end up having two wonderful children that are now grown and are on their own and are doing great. We had a friend of our family that needed an abortion at the time that it was illegal she got the okay two days after her and the fetus died as she heorraged and not even the back street butcher would abort her, he knew she needed a professional abortion. I have worked around abused and neglcted kids that is why I am pro-choice. I am here to help, not to judge.

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EugeniaBrown

replied on November 3rd, 2006

Experienced User

Re: Eugenia Brown

sandyallen wrote:

I am here to help, not to judge.

niether do I djudge anyone, you tell your story I tell mine. I it hurts me to see one "truth" to be pushed over the other.

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