To be honest I think you always have a scar but the pain does go away eventually!!


I wouldnt feel bad about it you were still a kid and probally at the time werent ready for it, at least you mother allowed you the options and the choice to choose she let you make a decision. Just remeber that everything in life is a choice but it is for you to walk and althought some choices dont have the right outcome, you shouldn't have to be down about it!

naming your child is one of the steps you will eventually take. There is a name in your heart already for that child. There are support groups called "project rachel" that can help you deal with post abortion trauma.


Whether you were a kind or not should not matter. Kids hurt too. It hurt much more when I had my fist abortion, when I had the second I was already numb to pain, I do not eve remember the clinic. Or may be I choose not to remember, either way to regret does not mean you are not healing. Unfortunately our society is used to quick fixes. There is no pill to make women like us healthy over night.


The process of healing is not always easy, some times people get worse in order to get better.

You can call national office of post abortion healing and reconciliation at 1-800-5we-care. They can talk to you and give you an advise.

Another thing you can do is seek a counsellor for you pain, pain is not only suffered by people who get an abortion but even by people who give their child up for adoption.

Studies have show people who get adoption are more likely to suffer from depression/guilt/thought of suicide then people who get abortions or give birth!

Anyways if you need to talk/vent send me a pm(message) and I will help you out!

naming the child is something she could do. Many women don't. Please, remember that everything is an offer here, no absolutes. The rest of your post is lovely

healing twice does happen sometimes... I've had to recover more than once from some things, not abortion specifically but trauma in life comes from many things. Just remember that there are people who care.

Revisiting pain is a normal thing... Just remember to reconcile with yourself, and to move on, and to live a life without regrets. A life without regret isn't a life without sorrow or pain, but it is a life where you take responsibility for everything you've done, and finally accept that you can't change the past, so you must change the present and the future.

Learn from these experiences, accept them in what ever way you wish. Perhaps naming the child would work. There are other boards that assist post-abortive women. Passbards.Org is one of them.

********project rachel is a catholic organization. They believe aboriton is wrong, so you may not want to go there...

At 21 weeks you are fairly late, but it pretty much cannot live if it was born that soon.

I understand how you are are quite uneasy about that abortion, it seems like the circumstances surrounding it were not so great either.

You are not a bad person for having an aboriton at 21 weeks, but you were a scared teenager in denial. You were scared and in denial, and you were only 14! It is highly understandable that you waited, and in fact most teen abortions are later because of fear and denial.

You later had an abortion at 8 weeks later on (1, and thi is because you were an adult who could her own choices and not tell mom.

For authentic, non-judgemental, and sympathetic to your personal life counseling, please call backline. They are based on the west coast but have a toll free number that you can call.

1.888.493.0092
talk line hours:
monday - thursday
5:00 p.M. - 10:00 p.M., pacific standard time
8:00 p.M. - 1:00 a.M., eastern standard time
friday - sunday
10:00 a.M. - 3:00 p.M., pacific standard time
1:00 p.M. - 6:00 p.M., eastern standard time

**they will have .R.E.A.L counseling with .P.R.O.V.E.N techniques to help you in coming to terms with your decision and with the abortion itself.** be sure to visit their website as well at: http://www.Yourbackline.Org/ (all lower case).

Also, I have to ask who you learned your information regarding fetal development from. Many times, you will be purposefully given the wrong information by unscrupulous people who only care about their position on the issue of abortion and not you or the real science of fetal development. It is possible that you could have been mislead.

my browser does nto open your link but it does open just http://www.Hopeafterabortion.Com/

here are some other good sources of information:
http://www.Afterabortion.Info/index.Html
http://www.Noparh.Org

the also help women to cope with aftermath as well.

yes, but the "help" is suspect because of the primary position they take on the issue. How much help can they truly be if, from the very beginning, they are taking the position that you have done something very wrong that you need to "repent" or make amends for? How would actual mental health therapy work if your therapist started from a premise that you were wrong and needed to feel sorry for what you have done?

The best care for women dealing with issues related to the decision to obtain an abortion comes from qualified, documented, .S.Y.M.P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C individuals devoted to the individual .Woman and her life. You cannot truly help someone whose actions you condemn from the outset.

it is most definitely possible and normal to regret one abortion and not another. Maybe at the age of 14, you felt very vulnerable and wanted/sought an older person to rely on and make the 'adult' decision. Were you forced into abortion by your mother?

With your second abortion, you were older, wiser (having already experienced a past termination), and more independant to make your own decisions. The circumstances surrounding your second pregnancy were obviously different to those of your first.

Kypros.