Having a Hard Time Dealing Since Joining This Board Posted: 10-30-06 08:28am
I was 14yo when I had an abortion, my mom
presented this as an option. I was in
denial for months before telling her and
was relieved that she gave me this option.
When we went to the clinic I found out I
was 21weeks, I didn't know what that meant
in terms of development. It wasn't until
2yrs later that I learned about fetal
development and I had to come to terms
with the abortion itself, but now with all
that I know, I not only feel guilty about
the fact that in essence at that point
there was a baby. I could just cry
today. Just ordered all the self help
books that helped me through it before.
Have any of you had to "heal" more than
once? I thought I had come to terms with
all of this.
I had an abortion at 18yo at 8 weeks and
feel no remorse or regret, why is this so
different?
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diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3250 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 87
Thanked:125
Posted: 10-30-06 09:00am
To be honest I think you always have a
scar but the pain does go away
eventually!!
I wouldnt feel bad about it you were still
a kid and probally at the time werent
ready for it, at least you mother allowed
you the options and the choice to choose
she let you make a decision. Just
remeber that everything in life is a
choice but it is for you to walk and
althought some choices dont have the right
outcome, you shouldn't have to be down
about it!
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EugeniaBrown
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Oct 2006 Posts: 94
Re: Having a Hard Time Dealing Since Joining This Board Posted: 10-30-06 09:53am
bthomas
wrote:
i was 14yo when I had an
abortion, my mom presented this as an
option. I was in denial for months
before telling her and was relieved that
she gave me this option. When we went
to the clinic I found out I was 21weeks, I
didn't know what that meant in terms of
development. It wasn't until 2yrs
later that I learned about fetal
development and I had to come to terms
with the abortion itself, but now with all
that I know, I not only feel guilty about
the fact that in essence at that point
there was a baby. I could just cry
today. Just ordered all the self help
books that helped me through it before.
Have any of you had to "heal" more than
once? I thought I had come to terms
with all of this.
I had an abortion at 18yo at 8 weeks and
feel no remorse or regret, why is this so
different?
naming your child is one of the steps you
will eventually take. There is a name in
your heart already for that child. There
are support groups called "project rachel"
that can help you deal with post abortion
trauma.
Whether you were a kind or not should not
matter. Kids hurt too. It hurt much
more when I had my fist abortion, when I
had the second I was already numb to pain,
I do not eve remember the clinic. Or may
be I choose not to remember, either way to
regret does not mean you are not healing.
Unfortunately our society is used to
quick fixes. There is no pill to make
women like us healthy over night.
The process of healing is not always easy,
some times people get worse in order to
get better.
You can call national office of post
abortion healing and reconciliation at
1-800-5we-care. They can talk to you and
give you an advise.
|
diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3250 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 87
Thanked:125
Posted: 10-30-06 10:38am
Another thing you can do is seek a
counsellor for you pain, pain is not only
suffered by people who get an abortion but
even by people who give their child up for
adoption.
Studies have show people who get adoption
are more likely to suffer from
depression/guilt/thought of suicide then
people who get abortions or give birth!
Anyways if you need to talk/vent send me a
pm(message) and I will help you out!
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Re: Having a Hard Time Dealing Since Joining This Board Posted: 10-30-06 10:40am
eugeniabrown
wrote:
bthomas
wrote:
i was 14yo when I had an
abortion, my mom presented this as an
option. I was in denial for months
before telling her and was relieved that
she gave me this option. When we went
to the clinic I found out I was 21weeks, I
didn't know what that meant in terms of
development. It wasn't until 2yrs
later that I learned about fetal
development and I had to come to terms
with the abortion itself, but now with all
that I know, I not only feel guilty about
the fact that in essence at that point
there was a baby. I could just cry
today. Just ordered all the self help
books that helped me through it before.
Have any of you had to "heal" more than
once? I thought I had come to terms
with all of this.
I had an abortion at 18yo at 8 weeks and
feel no remorse or regret, why is this so
different?
naming your child is one of the steps you
will eventually take. There is a name
in your heart already for that child.
There are support groups called "project
rachel" that can help you deal with post
abortion
trauma.
naming the child is something she could
do. Many women don't. Please, remember
that everything is an offer here, no
absolutes. The rest of your post is
lovely
healing twice does happen sometimes...
I've had to recover more than once from
some things, not abortion specifically but
trauma in life comes from many things.
Just remember that there are people who
care.
Revisiting pain is a normal thing... Just
remember to reconcile with yourself, and
to move on, and to live a life without
regrets. A life without regret isn't a
life without sorrow or pain, but it is a
life where you take responsibility for
everything you've done, and finally accept
that you can't change the past, so you
must change the present and the future.
Learn from these experiences, accept them
in what ever way you wish. Perhaps naming
the child would work. There are other
boards that assist post-abortive women.
Passbards.Org is one of them.
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Carifairy
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2610 Location: Charlotte n.c.
Thanks: 12
Thanked:0
Posted: 10-30-06 11:18am
********project rachel is a catholic
organization. They believe aboriton is
wrong, so you may not want to go
there...
At 21 weeks you are fairly late, but it
pretty much cannot live if it was born
that soon.
I understand how you are are quite uneasy
about that abortion, it seems like the
circumstances surrounding it were not so
great either.
You are not a bad person for having an
aboriton at 21 weeks, but you were a
scared teenager in denial. You were
scared and in denial, and you were only
14! It is highly understandable that you
waited, and in fact most teen abortions
are later because of fear and denial.
You later had an abortion at 8 weeks later
on (1, and thi is because
you were an adult who could her own
choices and not tell mom.
|
diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3250 Location: , Candyland-Canada
anyways everything eugenia say is
basically on ther front page
in reality alof of stuff doesnt not occur
on a frequent basis!
What I will do if you are interested (some
of the site was pretty decent) I will call
them and see how they react and I will let
everyone know the outcome
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jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 10-30-06 23:39pm
For authentic, non-judgemental, and
sympathetic to your personal
life counseling, please call
backline. They are based on the west
coast but have a toll free number that you
can call.
1.888.493.0092
talk line hours:
monday - thursday
5:00 p.M. - 10:00 p.M., pacific standard
time
8:00 p.M. - 1:00 a.M., eastern standard
time
friday - sunday
10:00 a.M. - 3:00 p.M., pacific standard
time
1:00 p.M. - 6:00 p.M., eastern standard
time
**they will have .R.E.A.L counseling with
.P.R.O.V.E.N techniques to
help you in coming to terms with your
decision and with the abortion itself.**
be sure to visit their website as well at:
http://www.Yourbackline.Org/
(all lower case).
Also, I have to ask who you learned your
information regarding fetal development
from. Many times, you will be
purposefully given the wrong information
by unscrupulous people who only care about
their position on the issue of abortion
and not you or the real
science of fetal development. It is
possible that you could have been mislead.
anyways everything eugenia say is
basically on ther front page
in reality alof of stuff doesnt not occur
on a frequent basis!
What I will do if you are interested (some
of the site was pretty decent) I will call
them and see how they react and I will let
everyone know the
outcome
********project rachel is a
catholic organization. They believe
aboriton is wrong, so you may not want to
go there...
the also help women to cope with aftermath
as well.
|
jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 10-31-06 10:19am
eugeniabrown
wrote:
carifairy
wrote:
********project rachel is a
catholic organization. They believe
aboriton is wrong, so you may not want to
go there...
the also help women to cope with aftermath
as well.
yes, but the "help" is
suspect because of the primary position
they take on the issue. How much help
can they truly be if, from the very
beginning, they are taking the position
that you have done something very wrong
that you need to "repent" or make amends
for? How would actual mental health therapy
work if your therapist started from a
premise that you were wrong and needed to
feel sorry for what you have done?
The best care for women dealing with
issues related to the decision to obtain
an abortion comes from qualified,
documented, .S.Y.M.P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C
individuals devoted to the individual
.Woman and her life. You cannot truly
help someone whose actions you condemn
from the outset.
Re: Having a Hard Time Dealing Since Joining This Board Posted: 10-31-06 12:40pm
bthomas
wrote:
i was 14yo when I had an
abortion, my mom presented this as an
option. I was in denial for months
before telling her and was relieved that
she gave me this option. When we went
to the clinic I found out I was 21weeks, I
didn't know what that meant in terms of
development. It wasn't until 2yrs later
that I learned about fetal development and
I had to come to terms with the abortion
itself, but now with all that I know, I
not only feel guilty about the fact that
in essence at that point there was a baby.
I could just cry today. Just ordered
all the self help books that helped me
through it before. Have any of you had
to "heal" more than once? I thought I
had come to terms with all of this.
I had an abortion at 18yo at 8 weeks and
feel no remorse or regret, why is this so
different?
it is most definitely possible and normal
to regret one abortion and not another.
Maybe at the age of 14, you felt very
vulnerable and wanted/sought an older
person to rely on and make the 'adult'
decision. Were you forced into abortion
by your mother?
With your second abortion, you were older,
wiser (having already experienced a past
termination), and more independant to make
your own decisions. The circumstances
surrounding your second pregnancy were
obviously different to those of your
first.
, and thi is because
you were an adult who could her own
choices and not tell mom.
