Broken Hearted Forum - When Enough Is Enough

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and overall we are pretty happy together. We don't argue, but we have this big issue that keeps recurring every few months. Whenever he goes out with his friends he never wants to include me. He has included me less than 5 times in the entire 4 years that we have been together. And the last time was about a year and a half ago. I have asked him many, many times to include me...That i'm not asking to go out with him every time he sees his friends, but I would be included or at least invited. So now it has reached a point that it is a very sore subject. He thinks i'm overreacting, but i'm very serious and hurt that he won't try to do something about it. I keep waiting to see a difference, but nothing changes and the issue comes up again. So I keep letting it go even though it's pretty important to me. Is this something worth breaking up over?

Replies(4)

sandyallen

replied on October 29th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

I would start going out with your friends! What is good for the goose is good for the gander! I would be darned if I would sit there and play the waiting game!
Good luck!

Crazyness24

replied on October 30th, 2006

Experienced User

See mine is the opposite. He always invites me out. However, the small amount of times he doesn't. I go out with my friends and have a great time and I make sure he knows it! Maybe im just spiteful....Next time he goes out with his friends, go out with yours, have drinks, go dancing make him wonder what your doing. No, its not worth ending a 4 year relationship. Ive been with my man 4 years on 11/6 and its much easier said then done to walk away. You evidently love each other. Just talk to him

Mellow_Yellow

replied on October 30th, 2006

New User

Well, we might actually be breaking up over this. I think that when I go out with my friends, he is actually relieved that he doesn't have to feel bad for not including me. I have told him so many times that this is so important to me. I don't discriminate whether to include certain friends or not. I asked him to really think about why he doesn't want me there and if it is something that we cannot work out, then maybe we should call it quits. He said nothing. I guess he has to think about whether he wants to be with me or not.

Thanks for the replies.

Makoto

replied on October 31st, 2006

Experienced User

mellow_yellow wrote:

well, we might actually be breaking up over this. I think that when I go out with my friends, he is actually relieved that he doesn't have to feel bad for not including me. I have told him so many times that this is so important to me. I don't discriminate whether to include certain friends or not. I asked him to really think about why he doesn't want me there and if it is something that we cannot work out, then maybe we should call it quits. He said nothing. I guess he has to think about whether he wants to be with me or not.

Thanks for the replies.

yes, I think you should break up. Actually, I think he should break up with you.

I dont mean to jump on you, but I can not support your thinking here.

Why cant both of you have your own friends and your own lives. Sure, sometimes going out with each other with friends in tow is okay. But why do you feel you have the right to be included into his circle of friends? Just because you are his gf? He had friends before he met you, and will have them after you. What they like to do for fun, might mean that there is no place for you. Why would you want to be included into such a group that do things you do not find fun, or does not want you?

They are his friends. Not yours. You have your friends. Go hang around with them. What does it matter if you do see his friends much? As long as he is not doing anything bad to you while he is out with friends, you do not need to worry. Just like he has no right to get jealous with either.

Have some confindence. As long as you two are getting along when together, and do things together, and he seems to have fun with you, why worry or create problems where there are none?

If my wife said to me, she and her friends were taking a trip to another country, I would not mind. Nor, would she mind if me and friends did the same thing. Of course neither of us would expect to be included on the other's vaction plans. There is no problem. Now, if my wife would rather go on a trip with friends than on a trip with me, and vice versa we have a problem. In general, if a partner would rather spend time with friends than with their partner, then there are issues.

However, this is not the complaint here. Here, as I see it, we have a person who is jealous and insecure. She wants to tag along so she can keep an eye on her man. On the otherside, we have the man who does not want a babysitter while he is out with his friends. Yes, being included sometimes(about once or twice a year) is fine and acceptable. But expecting to go whenever you want is just slefish, insecure, and wrong.

I suggest you relax a bit. Have fun with your friends. You should not try to be so controlling. If I had a gf that was like that, I would drop her in a second.

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