I Hate This, Please Read & Help.

I'm a 17 year old female, who's been dealing with some issues for a long time. Back in 2003 my mother, whom I wasn't very close with died of a cocaine overdose. I guess I didn't realize how much it bothered me. Shortly after that I was hospitalize at a psychiatric ward for self-mutilating (cutting my wrists), and for drugs/alcohol abuse. Being at the place really did nothing for me at all. At the time I now realize I was depressed, and did have extreme stress and anxiety. Now, 3 years later.. I don't feel depressed, just constantly paranoid. I've looked up a lot of information on paranoid personality disorder, and I indeed believe thats what I have. I never realized it until I read about this. Whenever i'm talking to someone, I constantly read in between the lines, and think that they are trying to insult me, or harm me. I always am scared that people are talking about me, or formulating a way to harm me. Always this is a constant thing, it never had bothered me before because I always thought it was everyone else just being rude/ignorant, but now I see my role in things. After an argument or dispute once i've calmed down I can see where I was at fault.. I still believe that i'm right but I can see that its me being paranoid. I say hurtful things to people, in order to get a response from them.. So I can interepret how they "really" feel about me. I'm just bullshiting myself, and causing drama 24/7. I can't stop it though, no matter how hard I try I find myself right back where I started. I have tough times keeping steady relationships, not just with boyfriends, I mean with anyone in general because of my lack of trust. Also I constantly seek attention, and I know it. I'm the most defensive person on this planet, I have extreme bouts of anger, which gets me into a lot of fights, and unwanted arguments at school. I'm so worried about whats going on around me that I can't pay attention in school. I want everyone to like me. I have this huge fear of people leaving me. I've also developed ocd like symptoms, which I read goes hand in hand with paranoid personality disorder. I have these compulsive thoughts of my house catching on fire, which posesses me to unplug everything in my house before I go upstairs to sleep. As i'm halfway up the stairs, i'll run back down and re-check the toasters/coffee maker. I do this repeatidly for about 10 minutes. Also my front door seems to be the biggest problem. If i'm going anywhere, regardless of if its 5 minutes down the road, I have to do this "push-pull" ritual. Everytime. First I slam the door, then re-open it, then I close it, then I push it, repeatidly, and then I pull the handle repeatidly. This has gone on for over 10 minutes at a time. I feel like if I dont touch it a certain way, the whole handle has been screwed up and I have to re-do it again. I can see these horrible images in my head, and I think thats what posesses me to do it. Well I know its kind of a long message, I just wanted to explain it fully. I'm not in counselling right now, I just got out of it back in janaury. I do believe i'm going to start it back up.. But i've been on a few medications since I was 13, medications for depression and anxiety I believe and I know which ones didn't work with me, or I hated the side affects. Those medications are zoloft, abilify, rispirdal,concerta. Are there any medications for anxiety that I should look into or mention to my doctor? Please write back!!