Hey, i'm derek(20) and i'm posting a question related to my recent girlfriend who is 18. Thank you so much to anyone out there who is willing to read my post and give my some advice... Youre wonderful!
About 3 weeks ago I met a beautiful girl at the cash register of borders bookstore... Where I work. Turned out shes my neighbor... Never met her. Wierd! Anyways... I'm definately not one to jump into a relationship... But she was my best friend overnight... And we understand eachother in all the ways that we've never been able to find someone to understand before, etc, etc, etc- i'll skip the mushy rant and get to the point.
She told me something (among other things) that she wont tell many people. Shes bulimic and I don't know what I should and should not do. At first I thought it wasnt my place to even ask her about it, that I should wait and let her talk to me if she decides to further... But it's come up in other ways. I've spent countless hours reading up on the condition and I feel like i'm missing the point... Like i'm not understanding whats infront of me. She said something that really horrifies me... That she associates me with her bulimia... Like i'm part of it... Almost like I cause it, or make it worse. She also told me, choking back tears, that she feels wierd in her own body around me (exact words). But this would be a good time to mention that she's an extremely fit, thin and beautiful girl and she knows it too. I assume that she normally purges by vomitting, but she's also obsessive with working out... Running 4-5 miles a day (which alone is fine and I do that with her) but then she will be on a tread mill later and at the gym swimming, etc, etc... I'm forgetting what my question is... I guess I just want some ideas on whats going on in her head. Mostly in relation to me... And how I effect her situation. I dont see it being a matter of wanting to look good, she knows she does, and it's not anything related to wanting to impress me... We normally hang out in pajamas and i've yet to see her put effort into make-up or her hair for me other than a formal dinner date.
Further details....
- shes attending a eating dissorder clinic regularly and recognizes/hates her condition
- shes been very hurt in previous relationships, even physically abused
- shes a perfectionist, and a very high achiever (so am i), currently stressing day in and out over an application to annapolis naval academy (no, im not kidding)
- shes afraid to be close to me... Its a double edged blade- something that seems to be completing her life and simultaneously destroying it.
- she feels that her bulimia and focus on school are reasons that she doesnt deserve me... And it's very close to becoming the reason we break the relationship off early before we get even more attached... But all i've been wanting all along is to help her achieve her goals... I'm happy if shes happy... Because i've already gotten into the school I wanted and it's like watching a mirror of what I went through... Stressing over every detail of an application.
- we read eachothers minds without even looking at eachother
- I love her, she knows it, I can tell by looking at her, I havnt said it because i'm afraid putting it out in the open is too much for her fragile state.
Any thoughts on anything? Feel free to ask me questions... Ill check in regularly to give further details if it would help.
Derek
