Hi mary_ittls. I am in a somewhat similar situation. I have been in a monogamous relationship for six years. My boyfriend is the only person I have ever had any sort of sexual contact with. About 15 months ago, he was diagnosed with a genital wart. I completely trust that he has not cheated on me, so we can only assume that either he has had hpv since before we started dating and it took this long for it to become symptomatic, or that he was misdiagnosed. He was previously diagnosed with another skin condition--molluscum contagiosum--before we met, so there is a slim chance that the bump at the base of his penis was this, or even just a regular bump (his skin is very prone to moles and bumps in general).

I could babble for a while about the specifics of our situation, but to specifically address your problem...

First, it is within the realm of possibility that the hpv (whether the high-risk cancer-causing type or the low-risk wart-causing type) has been dormant in either one of you until now. In other words, since you have had previous partners, and I assume your boyfriend has as well, it is virtually impossible to determine exactly when and from whom either or both of you may have been infected.

Second, I strongly suggest that you tell your boyfriend. I understand how uncomfortable that may seem, but if you hope for a long-term relationship with him, it seems like the only reasonable option. What if he develops warts later and tells you? You'll either have to admit that you've known for some time about your own infection or lie. What if you become pregnant? There is a very slight (i want to emphasize very slight so I don't freak anyone out) risk of transmitting hpv to your baby, which will need to be discussed with your obstetrician. Would you keep your boyfriend in the dark about this, too? What if you break up? Your boyfriend could unknowingly expose any future partners. Finally, how would you feel if you found out that your boyfriend knew that he had hpv, and/or warts specifically, and decided not to tell you?

One more thing about my situation; my boyfriend was diagnosed with a wart about 15 months ago, but he didn't tell me until about 3 months ago. The fact that he didn't tell me is much more upsetting to our relationship than the fact that he has warts. I understand that he didn't know about the warts before we started dating, so if he had told me when he was diagnosed, all we would be dealing with would be the hpv itself. Now there is a huge breach of trust that i'm not sure I can get over. I think you're risking the same situation if you don't tell your boyfriend.

Finally, here's a website with the best information i've found on hpv as well as many other stis (and i've spent many hours reading lots of crap):

www.Ashastd.Org

uhhh. men cheat. and give you stuff. and women do it to men. if they didn't cheat you wouldn't get stuff. its as simple as that. I remember a good friend of mine getting crabs. Everyone BUT her believed her boyfriend cheated. The doctor told her 99.9 percent he was with someone with crabs and .000000000000009 percent he sat on a toilet seat miliseconds after someone with crabs did. So then after this doctor visit, the friend of mine actually devised in her head that once when she went on a train months before she used the w/r there and that was where she got the crabs. Both of you are reminding me of her. Chances are you were both cheated on. While you ponder dates months sex times etc. piecing together on how could you possible get a sti/d when in a monogomous relationship - give me a break hehe. you must be very young and need to learn. if you ask a GOOD HONEST doctor he/she will tell you the truth. You have been cheated on.

You should tell him. It's not fair for him to not know, and it's going to be an uncomfortable relationship for you if you don't. I say this because an outbreak of the warts could happen anytime. Theres no need to keep treating them and spending more money on them just for the physical appearance of them. (unless you can afford it!) HPV is not the end of the world, it is a thing that goes away on it's own eventually, hardly any side effects besides getting over it mentally. In fact, your boyfriend could have possibly given it to you since the symptoms do not show on men as apparent as women. Don't let the "cancer causing" phrase scare you. It is called the high-risk HPV and although high risk, if you get your regular gyno checks you have nothing to worry about seeing as this is a very slow process and the cell abnormality change so slowly you will be able to detect, treat, and move on from the problem.