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What to Do With My Kids Mom??

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NicLeigh

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Oct 2006
Posts: 2
What to Do With My Kids Mom??
Posted: 10-13-06 20:53pm

Hello everyone, I wanted to vent a little bit because there isn't many people I really talk to much that i'd acually listen to there advise.

I am a 25 year old male. I have two boys both with teh same mother, and we broke up around mid june of this year. My boys are 2 1/2 and other just turned 1 in may.

Alittle about myself...

I pretty much am a pretty quite type person, but I am still outgoing. I am just not one of those loud annoying people, I keep to myself alot but I am still alot of fun to be around. I usually work about 55-60 hours a week at a very busy electronics retailer as a store manager. I own my own car, have my own place, buy all my own things, and I am very independant. I never really ask anyone for anything unless I bug my parents for money of coarse lol. But my $48k salary helps me out quite a bit, so that is pretty rare I ask them for cash...

About my problem with my kids mom...

Like I said earlier we broke up about 3-4 months ago, and we were going out for about 4 years almost. While we were going out life was pretty rough between us, I don't really wanna get fully into that (unless you feel it would help the situation), because that isn't really what I want to talk about. When we broke up I really felt it was for the best, me and her both saw it coming for litterally over a year. We kinda stuck together to see if maybe things would get better for the kids sake. Well it was getting very unhealthy I just couldn't go on anymore so we split up and she went to her moms/dads with the kids.

After breaking up I have never felt better! I acually meet my exgirlfriend from like 7 years ago like a month after the breakup. I can not begin to say how happy I am with my new girlfriend. When we use to go out back in the day, it wasn't really a serious relationship, more just sex partners and stuff. Now that we've been back together (2 months oct 16th) I have never been happier, and I am so thankful for god bringing us back together after all these years.

Well my kids mom is really causing me alot of problems mentally and emotionally. She keeps calling me a deadbeat dad constantly saying that I don't see the kids enough (even though I take them every day off I have! Which is usually the weekends). She says that she wants me to go threw her mom or sister when it has to do with the kids, cause she doesn't want to talk to me. She says she doesn't even think of me as the kids father, and when I called over there today and asked to talk with my older son on the phone she hands it to him and says "here your deadbeat dad wants to talk to you!".

She has said in the past that the only way things will ever work between us is if I get back together with her. Other then that she wants nothing to do with me and if she had her choice she doesn't want me to be apart of our kids lives. She knows I have a girlfriend now, and I know that really upsets her... But I never once rubbed it in to her, or did I even tell her. She found out because she found out I had a myspace site and saw that I had a girlfriend on there.

Since the breakup I never tried to do anything immature, I just wanted me and her to be friends atleast so we can piecefully talk about the kids to each other. Now she frankly don't want anything to do with me, and hangs up on me when I call.

I have very thick skin when it comes to showing emotion, but this is really tearing me up inside. I know she is a great mother to my kids, but I don't know how she can say some of that stuff in front of them. I am soooo tempted to try and get full custody of them, because my little boys don't need to be around someone that would say those things about there daddy, cause I know I would never say those types of things about her in front of them.

Lastly (damn didn't think this post was gonna be this long lol), after we broke up she admited to cheating on me too. She said one time about a year and a half ago she had sex with some dude. And the time line she gave me when she did it was very believable that she really did do it. It doesn't really bother me the fact that she cheated on me, but it was right around the time when she got pregenant with our second child. I want to say he is mine, but when I look at him I just frankly see nothing of me in him. In his looks or personality.

Basically what I want help with is what to do about my kids mom. Thanks for your ears and eyes! Smile
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Spirit

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006
Posts: 387
Location: Canada

Posted: 10-15-06 07:24am

Unfortunately, this is an all to common story.....................Using the kids to get back at the ex..............................It's very sad and I wish they would get a clue, as to what short and long term damage they are doing to their own children. Maybe she just needs more time to get over the demise of the relationship.............We all heal at our own speed.
And I agree with you, to keep the girlfriend out of sight for now(no visits with her, no pics and no mention of her at all)......For her protection, for your sanity.............Can remain a secret. Perhaps when your ex gets her own life going................Maybe a new beau?........................You'll be a distant memory..................And therefore off the hook..........................Help the ex along a little bit.......................Take the children so she can go out on a date.

You said she's a "great mom" so taking/trying to get full custody will open an even bigger can of worms..................................... ..Give it more time, be very secretive about the gal, really be there for the children....................And don't go down to her level............
...It's not good for anyone..............................Time will tell. Smile
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latinlady

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Oct 2006
Posts: 2
Location: TX

Posted: 10-16-06 15:25pm

Did you two go through a court for custody rights? If not, I suggest that be the first step. It is really sad that she talks bad about you in front of the kids and there is really nothing you can do about that except keep showing and telling them you love them and always be a father to them. They will soon grow up and they will know what kind of father you are, no matter what she says.
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