As of today, october 13th, I am celebrating one year of being together with my first girlfriend. As it happens, we are each other's very first sexual partners. We're looking to the future, happy and having fun, and the sex is still great. But there's been something that's bothered me since we started having sex. She never orgasms, ever.

Now, don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to make orgasm the whole point of our sex. By now, I don't even really think about it when we're getting down to business anymore. The two of us don't talk about it excessively, and i'm doing as well as I can not to put any pressure on her. However, the experience and pleasure she gets from the sex we have is extremely important to me; i'm generally more concerned with her than myself in this regard. For this reason, I still take this objective very seriously, and i've been doing everything I can to achieve it.

Believe me, i've done my homework. I've studied everything from anatomy charts to guides on sexual technique, and absorbed every piece of advice I could find, including that of real-life female friends. Of course, I have also communicated with my girlfriend extensively about what she likes and doesn't like, and I observe her responses to what I actually do as keenly as possible. I know from how I enjoy sex that attitude is maybe the most important factor, and I do my best to keep enthusiastic, enduring, positive and pro-active during all of the time I spend trying to please her. And when we are going at it, whether i'm giving her oral or manual stimulation or having vaginal intercourse, i'll keep putting effort into getting her off until either her interest waivers or I just get too exhausted to continue. This has gone on for dozens upon dozens of hours in bed, but no orgasm ever comes of it.

She can definitely have an orgasm, though. She reportedly masturbates at a rate of several times per month, and she says it's not that hard for her when she does it. She just can't do it with me. I've asked her, in a very comfortable tone, what I might do to make things better for her, but she says that my technique is great (this was not always the case, either). The thing is, she really does seem to be enjoying what I do, and quite a lot. In fact, she's a downright horny girl. She seems to want sex more than I do half the time, even though she knows she isn't going to get off from it. She goes pretty nuts during sex, and she loves it. She just never climaxes.

She's actually back home right now (japan), and we're doing the long-distance thing for a few months. Before she left, though, something interesting happened. We had just finished some mutual-oral-satisfaction, and before we did anything else, I told her I absolutely had to go get a quick glass of water. As I got up I didn't notice it until I was at the door that she was stimulating herself. I just smiled, and left real quick to get hydrated. When I came back, she looked at me, laughed, and said that she had just had an orgasm. She was serious. I laughed, too, because that's about all I can do anymore.

I'm going to just assume that she isn't repulsed by me somehow, and i'll be so bold as to say that i'm good enough at what i'm doing to be sufficient physically. So there must be another feeling of tension happening when i'm with her that holds her back. She could feel nervous, pressured, uncomfortable, embarrassed, ashamed, all of those things. In spite of what I said about her before, she is still a little uneasy in some ways when it comes to talking about sex. She'll tell me anything and discuss everything, but when we include the fact that it is her who is doing these things, she really blushes, and sometimes she hides under the covers. I try to get through this by being utterly open and accepting myself, and it's gotten better, but it still happens.

So what do you all think I should do? If the answer is just to “live with it”, well, i'm way ahead of you on that one. However, if there is any hope of me getting her off, then i'm not going to forget about it. If any of you know how I might move more effectively toward making this hope a reality, I would be very appreciative to hear your thoughts.

Thank you!

Sam


ps: I am sorry if I am intruding on the women's health forum by posting a male-oriented concern. It's just that I figured women would be able to give me the best responses. Please let me know if I should do differently next time.