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My Boyfriend And My Family Hate Each Others Guts......!!!

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Medical Questions-> Health Forums -> Troubled and Abusive Relationships -> My Boyfriend And My Family Hate Each Others Guts......!!!
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saj27

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jun 2006
Posts: 4
Location: UK
My Boyfriend And My Family Hate Each Others Guts......!!!
Posted: 10-11-06 10:10am

If you love someone and your about to be getting married next year but your family are not happy because they think he’s too controlling and strict and your boyfriend doesn’t want anything to do with them because he thinks there all interfere and wants nothing to do with them…..Should you go ahead and marry him or break up and hope to find someone who can respect your family and accept them for what they are.
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la_ling

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Oct 2006
Posts: 4

Posted: 10-12-06 12:20pm

I don't think either option really solves your problem. You will resent your family for running off your boyfriend or you will resent your husband for keeping your family away.

As long as the invitations have not been sent out, you can change the date of the wedding. So, don't worry about getting married so quickly.

It appears that you have a lot to work out before getting married. Either your boyfriend is too strict and controlling or your family interferes in your life, which is it? Sounds like the fight is to see who has control of your life. If that is true, then you won't be happy until you make your own choices.
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sandyallen

Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
Posts: 4580

Posted: 10-12-06 13:56pm

Is your fiance. B/f contrlling and strict? Is this what you want and who you want to spend the rest of your life with? Will he cut you off from your family? You are the only one that knows what you want. I am not a dr but you know that it could cause problems, you might try sitting down with your b/f and having a little heart to heart talk with him and letting him know that without them that you would not be here and see what his reaction is and try talking to your family, you know that their are a lot of families that their is noone that is good enough for their daughter and this may not be the case but you could ask them all if they could get along for your sake but like I said before, you are the only one that can decide what to do and family is special!
Good luck with your decision!
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keishori

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Oct 2006
Posts: 17
Location: Texas
I Know How It Feels
Posted: 10-29-06 00:40am

I am currently in your situation right now but it is a tad different...

See, you say he doesn't want your family to interfere... That is not a good sign in any bf... Stand up for your family... If you want your family to like him or get to know him, tell him to be a man... And also that how he acts does not help the situation of the family not liking him... (he needs to proove to your family that he is worthy of your prescnce) is there a reason why he doesn't like your family? Did he give your family a reason not to like him? How long have the two of you been together? If there is an age difference, do you think that might be the issue?

I can't tell you about the marrige part... All I can give you for that is the advice of someone I respect... "before marriage keep boths eyes open, after marriage close one eye..." in other words... When dating be picky... If you see something that might be a problem to deal with year after year... You know to break up with him... If you are engaged, its a huge comitment... See what how he acts in all situations... And all seasons... That means way longer than a year honey.... But when you are married close your eye to a small problem that you didn't mind so much before...

Anyways I said I was in your shoes... But I guess I am not really... See... My bf is the greatest guy on earth! To me anyways... Sure we've had a ton of ups and downs... And we have just hit the biggest wall in our lives...

I met him after I turned 16 and our friendship grew and grew and grew in to what it is now... But when I moved down here to when I lived he moved as well... It's not an obsession... It was to help me adapt and get used to everything new... Cause of a severe issue that forced my family to move...

Yea there is an age difference but that doesn't phase me... Only my parents... Until recently my parents had no clue about this... Only my diblings knew... When my parents found out all hell broke lose! I was planning on having a happy life with him and going to college... But there are financail issues...

Anyways what I was getting to was that my parents hate his guts and want to make his life a living hell... I am doing everything I can to stop this crisis... But nothing I do seemed to work until I broke... I became and independant person who can overcome bad times... Yes they happen... It sucks... But your family will always support you not your dissicions... You as a person... If our boyfriend cant respect you as a person or even try to come up with an agreement... Then it isn't worth it...

You only live once... Why not live for you and what you believe in?You'll never know or catch a glimpse unless you try... So step up to the plate... You bat when you feel like hitting a home run (follow through with it)... Or you can walk... But if you do too much you strike out... Then what does that leave you with?
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