How could I have held onto skye? :'(?
.My problem is this:
when I was in primary school I fell in
love with someone called skye
but then when it came too high school, he
got sent to a private all boy's school far
away from me and I got sent to the local
comprehensive.
I thought i'd never see him ever again and
despaired.
Around about the same time my grandmother
of whom I was very close to died. She
practically raised me.
Because of all these things(the death of
my grandma, the loss of ian ) I began to
feel very depressed.
Then I made a terrible mistake:
somedays I felt so low I found it almost
impossible to think about the future and
sometimes couldn't find the will-power to
get up in the mornings.I started to refuse
to go to school as I felt so low. I'd
been bullied very very badly at the
primary school I went to (before I moved
to the one skye was at)which also made me
quite nervous of people and scared of
school too which made me terrified of high
school.
I refused to go to high school on-and-off
for the first three years by which time I
was really really very behind in my
work.
At the end of the third year I then
refused to go to school altogether as I
couldn't cope any more with my life. I
was severely depressed and wasn't thinking
logically. I ended up having 5 measly
hours of home tuition per week, for the
next two years which should have been
spent in school. Unsurprisingly I now
failed all my gcses (apart from getting a
‘c’ in english) I feel so awful! I
can’t believe I let this happen.I have
now then sat at home doing nothing for the
past year....Now I am 17 years old!!!!!
However this is my problem:
i am now 17
i want to go to college but the thing is
i’ve just found out that the college I
want to go to is right next door to the
top educational sixth form that skye’s
at. I never in a million years expected
anything like this to happen...Not
ever...I thought i'd never see him
again..Especially as his private boy's
school had a sixth form.
If I go to this college then I will
definitely bump into him but the thing is
I think I would die of shame. I feel like
a complete freak.
He's studying 'a' levels at a top sixth
form college. And I .....Will have to go
on an entry level course and learn really
basic stuff like how to cook, use public
transport etc(basically for absolute
dim-wits) because of the fact that I have
failed all my exams. My problem is that I
still really love ian but
he'll never ever in a million billion
years be interested in me now. He's in a
different league to me. He's so
clever---and i’m not!
I'll have to go on an entry level course
but this is killing
me. I wish I could be with him more than
anything in the world but as soon as he
finds out i’m on an entry level course,
he’ll never ever be interested in me
now.
Also it's inevitable that i'll bump into
him whilst out and about anyway.So I
cannot run away from this problem.(i
cannot believe that I never tjought about
this years ago....But I just was panicking
and not thinking ahead...I never thought
of a day 6 years into the future)
if I ignore skye when I see him then he'll
think i'm not interested I him--, (when I
am…and it would break my heart to do
this) but if I talk to him then he'll
never like me anyway…. When he finds
out what i've done. He'll think i;m a
terrible person for refusing to go to
school. Because he'll ask about my life
and i'll have to explain what I did
the thing is (and I really need your help
on this) how on earth do I exaiin to him
about how I refused to go to school--and
worst of all why? He'll think i’m a
terrible I have two options:to ignore him
and lose him or to talk to him ….But
i’ll lose him anyway once i’ve
explained my situation! It’s
hopeless!
What should I do about all this? What
should I do about him?
Also I really need to ask you: what
could/should I have done when I first
started high school and got seperated
from/lost skye? How could I have held on
to him? Please be honest. What things
could I have tried to hold on to him? :
it's just I loved him so much.
I did try to hold onto him....My dad found
skye's address on the computer and I
decided to write to skye and ask him if
he'd go out ith me. I also sent him
valentine's cards ....But I recieved no
reply. Why do you think this was? My dad
said maybe he wasn't allowed as he was so
young (he also went to an all boy's
school)....I thought it may have been
because he didn't like me. But a few
weeks after I sent him a valentine's card
I decided to visit my old primary
school...And a few days after I visit
...Skye visits the primary school..And
smiles at my sister who is a pupil there.
I am at this point very confused as to
whether he likes me or not. I panicked
and I was trying so hard to hold on to
skye that I could not get on with my life
(and also didn't know how to get on with
my life....Becase I couldn't bear the
horrible truth that I had lost
skye...Because I loved him and found it
impossible to let go of him....Especiakly
as I found out that he liked me back...But
probably not to the extent that I liked
him) I wrote to him a few times,first
asking him out as a friend..Then on a date
type thing.....But I never recieved any
form of reply...Also I sent him a
valentine's card every year for my first 2
years in high school. But after
that........I just couldn't think what to
do anymore...And no-body gave me any
advice/told me what to do aout skye/or
said how I could possibly be with him in
the future. So I just gave up......And
shut it all out of my head...And pretended
it wasn't happening...That I wasn't losing
skye.....I lapsed into serious
depression....There were days when I felt
so depressed that I couldn't get up in the
mornings. I stayed in this state for
about 2/3 years (this was when I had the
home tuition because I couldn't cope with
school/life in general) and I sat my
gcses...Failed them (was still in denail
over losing skye so didn't at the time
care much about grades asi didn't want a
future without him) then .....Now have sat
at home for the past 2 years doing nothing
as I have still been in denial over losing
skye....And also haven't had any guidance
from anyone. But now I am 18 and have to
do something with my lfe before I get to
old to go to college.
I just need to ask you : what could/should
I have done back when I started higj
school and got seperated ftom skye? How
could I have held on to him? How should I
have handled the situation? What do you
think? How could/should I have gone about
holding onto him? Or was there nothing
and I mean nothing that I could have done
to hold on to him back then ? ...And if
so then should I have just let him go:( ?
Please be honest with me.How should I have
gone about holding on to him? Because
what I tried didn't work....It wasn't a
good enough plan. But I just wondered if
you knew what I could have done to hold
onto him?
What should I have done about him back
then?
