Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

What Can People Do to Help the Abused?

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My next-door neighbor is a man who is a waste of flesh. His long term girlfriend lives with him. He is verbally and physically abusive to her. We have often listened to them fight with our hands on the 911 dial. Tonight, we had to call. He was pulling her around, slapping and hitting her in the street. She walked off, he followed, and in the course of events he saw the phone in my boyfriend's hand. We went into the house, but we could hear the tirade of 'f-this' and 'f-that' and how he was going to beat us and do this and that to us for calling the cops. You could hear her crying and saying "but you always start it" and he's being very foul mouthed to her and eventually they left. Came back, more screaming "you've got it coming, buddy!" to my boyfriend.

I am shaken; here i've seen this man hit this woman, and then physically threaten myself, my boyfriend, and our dogs. I don't believe the police ever showed. Later, I saw the girlfriend sitting out back, crying, and he's doing more yelling-"let's get out of here you b*tch" et cetera...

I can handle my own feelings about the matter, but I would like to know if there is anything I can do for the girlfriend. If I talk to her and she is hostile towards me, she could tell him and I could be the subject of retaliation...

For those who were abused and chose to stay in the relationship, is there anything you wished someone would have done for you???

The whole thing has given me a whopping headache. Any responses would be better than aspirin!
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replied October 7th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Has your b/f tried to talk to her and have you tried to talk to her, I know that their are some women that will just not listen no matter what you do, unfortunately and I would have given anything for someone to be there to help me when I was having the crud being beaten out of me. Some women are made to believe that they cannot get any better and once I did get away from him he came over drunk and shot at me, thank goodness he was drunk! Their are so many places for females to go nowadays that they did not have in my time. Now the cops will arrest the male and the female will go get them out the next day and the guy will get more mad for getting arrested so sometimes you are in a no win situation and they will blame it on someone and it will probably be you and your b/f. I wish I could say it would help but I don't know the whole situation and peole are a lot different then they used to be and I have been in a situation similar to you and they were both kind of off the wall , yes, I did feel sorry for her and he would have killed her as he has a post-war syndrome problem so but they finally ended up moving away.

Good luck to whatever you decide to do, I hope they do not hurt either of you or your animals!
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replied October 8th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Thanks sandy for your input. She is very hostile towards us whenever we interact.

I don't think the cops showed at all. He has been out and seen us outside and not said anything. I suspect he was quite drunk last night. I wish like crazy he'd drink himself into a drunken coma.

I've talked to other people and i"m becoming more convinced that there's nothing I can do for her. She has to figure out that she doesn't need to be there anymore. That way she won't bail him or out keep going back due to whatever psychological hold he has on her. She has to want it herself, and there's not much I can do about it.

We'd sure like to move.
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replied October 31st, 2006
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birch wrote:


i've talked to other people and i"m becoming more convinced that there's nothing I can do for her. She has to figure out that she doesn't need to be there anymore. That way she won't bail him or out keep going back due to whatever psychological hold he has on her. She has to want it herself, and there's not much I can do about it.


We'd sure like to move.


thats exactly what I was going to say to you.I was in a similar situation about a month ago.Maybe not as brutal at the moment but it was bad.You really cant approach someone about it unless you know them well enough really.If people would have tried to get me away from him I would have been ok,but then when he wasn't drinking we would still be toegether and it was a never ending cycle.I finally moved my things out on my own.Its just,you have to get to that breaking point and she isn't there yet.She may never get there.
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replied November 18th, 2006
Abusive Relationship And Dometic Violence Hotline
There is no easy solution for domestic abuse,
family and friends support is. Reporting the abuse and counseling the victim can save her life.

National domestic violence hotline
1-800-799-safe (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (tty)

beatriz
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replied December 1st, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Re: Abusive Relationship And Dometic Violence Hotline
beatriz wrote:
there is no easy solution for domestic abuse,
family and friends support is. Reporting the abuse and counseling the victim can save her life.

National domestic violence hotline
1-800-799-safe (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (tty)

beatriz
it doesn't matter if family or friends call.Someone may come to ivestigate but it will make no difference if the girl of the abuser tells them everyhting is ok.*she* has to do something about it.
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