I have an addiction to sleeping pills which began in 2003. To make a very long story short, I suddenly became chroniclly nauseous. I also suffer from emetephobia, which is overwhelming fear of vomiting. The nausea continued. I went to my doctor. She ran every test known to man and found nothing. She prescribed phenergan. It worked like a charm but then I began to abuse it. I started taking it to make me sleepy. Then when that stopped working I was given something else. Again, I abused it. I had a cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal) and was put on another drug. It kept on and on. So, I started taking over the counter things that work for nausea such as dramimine, bonine, benedryl, and many other things. As usual, I liked the sleepiness feeling so I began to take them alot. I was prescribed ambien to help me through the nights when the nausea was really bad. (my doctor knew how bad my fear of vomiting was). I began to use them every nigth and would make up excuses to get more. She never hesitated prescribing it. Then in january of this year, I took 10 of the ambiens in an attpempted suicide during a bitter seperation from my husband. We have then reconciled. I didn't trust myself to have them around so while I was in the mental hospital, I was prescribed seraquel (a less potent sleeping pill). Once I was discharged, I took those. Then I added other pills on top of the that pill. I was given some percocet for an injury and took one a night. Then it went up to 2 a night plus 2 unisoms and 2 tylonal pm. When that didn't help anymore, I added nyquil to the mix. I then up'ed the mixture to 4 unisoms and 4 tylonal pm's and a dose and a half of nyquil. Then I went up to taking 3 percocets, 5 unisoms, and 6 tylonal pm's and 2 full doses of nyquil. My perscription ran out and went back to the doctor. I lied to him and said I lost my medicene. I got more but when I ran out I started stealing from my dad. My father had 2 bottles of it. One smaller one and one bigger bottle. I would take some from both bottles so that he wouldn't suspect anything. Last night, I went to get some and they were gone. I think he knows someone has been taking them and hid them. I thought no big deal. I will just take the other pills. I took 6 unisoms, 6 tylonal pm's, 2 medicene cups of nyquil. I had never ever been sick with any of the combinations. Last night was different. I was up until 4am trying not to throw up! I was miserable! I can't understand why that made me sick but when I took the percocets with the meds, I didnt feel sick. Anyway, I have a very supportive family although my husband does not know the extent of the addiction. I am so scared to stop taking pills. I do not want to go days without sleeping but I know have to. My husband would stay up with me and help me through it. I have 2 wonderful children who know nothing about any of this. I know that I was stupid to try to end my life when I have kids but I wasn't thinking clearly at all!
How can I get through this?? Should I do this cold turkey or should I wean myself?