Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

a Big Mess!!!

I have been with my partner for more than 3 years now. He suffers from severe depression, ocd, agrophobia and a few others. We had a baby less than a year ago. Our relationship has never been great from the start. He was very controlling at first and now that he is better on this but this relationship is a mess. He never goes out and does not work. But he does not want to do anything in the house either. He spends his time on the pc most of the time and goes on bdsm and porn sites. He talks to women on there and admitted to me he would rather talk to them than to me and that I was here for domestic reasons. I told him I wanted to end the relationship as I am extremely unhappy at the moment but for our son's sake we sat down and talk. He told me I have no interests in life, which is true. I have just spent 40 minutes wondering what I could have looked for on the internet and nothing came to my mind.
So I tried to make a bit of an effort with my physical appearnance but no nothing changes. Now he wants to have sex with other women and told me if I did not agree he would have affairs. We argued all day and then he told me he would not do it. Htonight he went o bed at 20h30 and I am here spending my night on my own.

I am finding this so difficult. I am staying for my son but I feel so humiliated. I work all the time, look after the house, shopping, my son when I am not working and when I am not doing any of this I have my partner annoying me because he is unhappy in the relationship and the only way to make him happy is to have sex with other women.

He stopped all his medication and has no intention of taking themm back. I am so mentally and physically exhausted my mind is totally blank. I do not know who I am anymore, the old me before I met him is dead. I know nobody around me, has no interests whatsoever, I am so fed up with my life. I feel like I want to hide somewhere and never come out out of it.

I am in a lot of debts too. I live in the real world and I hsave no time to waste in his fantasies but he does not care. He does not want me to leave for domestic reasons that is all...

Sorry for the long post
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replied September 23rd, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Welcome! I cannot tell you what to do but it seems to me that he is bringing you down and you deserve better. I would sit him down and talk to him and tell him that if he does not want to participate and help out that you cannot take it anymore as it takes two. Do you have family to go to? You can go to one of these places and see if they can help you with your financial situation. It is not your fault if he does not want to help himself(you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink). You have to do what you feel is the right thing for you and your child. I don't know how old your son is but soon if not already he well feel this and might blame himself, it is your life too, get happy! If you do not have family, thei are other places that will take you in, their is a place here called the faith house.
I am here for you!
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replied October 1st, 2006
Experienced User
As usual sandys sweet and right, blow this "dud"................He's bringing you down to his level.......................He's at rock bottom and people like that seem to have an unsatiable(sp?) need to bring everyone around them down................................As the "sisters" say: "i can do bad own my own!"

make a pro and con list..............See which ones longer................Personally I don't see the point...............But hey, to each his own. Smile
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