Hi! I'm so so sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way, and I truly hope that what I have to say will give you some hope and consolation. When I read your forum I instantly knew the exact way that you feel. I understand everything you've just said. I'm not quite as old as you, im actually fifteen, but dont worry about this advice coming from a 'teenager', because no matter how old you are its the same feeling, and I totally know where your coming from, and what your going through. I have had 'anxiety disorder' for almost three years now. I may not have a job, but the same problems that youve had with anxiety interupting your job, I have had with school. In the eighth and ninth grade combined, I missed almost five months of school. I may not have lost a boyfriend, but I lost a lot of friends because I was so nervous and stuff I never did anything with them anymore, and I was not myself. Your symptoms though, are some of the exact symptoms I have. I hate that feeling like I cant breathe, that feeling where you try to take a deep breath and you cannot to save your life. The heart pains, they way it feels like it might beat out of your chest. Every time you try to take a deep breath, it seems like your chest just gets tighter, like you dont have any oxygen left, and are desperatly trying to just get a deep breath of air, I understand that. And, when you do finally get that deep breath, its shortlived and you feel like your having a heart attack again. I too, am on meds that have given me weird side effects as well as made me even more anxious that the med would give me more symptoms, or cause me to have a heart attack of something weird, and up and die. Well, your not alone, and you will be fine. More than anything I feel for you when it comes to people not understanding u. Heres the thing, when it comes to anxiety you dont understand unless youve felt it. My parents will say just dont let it bother you, or why cant you just get over it? I know it sucks a lot but for me, having someone tell me I will be fine can be consoling. There is so much more I can say, but I shouldnt make this too long. If you want more info and stuff I would love to talk some more, just reply to this message, and ill keep checking to see if you do. Do deep breathing, I know its weird but seriously, in thru ur nose five seconds, out your mouth for seven seconds, try to relax, close your eyes, and clear your mind. Next time u have a panic attack, deep breath, try to rationalize, and know that you will be find.
I hope to here from u soon, and I hope u will be feeling better.
Just remember it wont kill you and u will be fine.