I have been haring voices for a long time now and thought that it was just normal. I write alot when I am having real truble coping with it. Bellow is what I wrote at 2:30 in the morning. For the most part I can function. Granted I will not hear poeple right next to me but I can always hear them in my head. Does anyone else have these problems or know of anyon who does?
what is wrong with me? Am I truly schizophrenic? I canât even concentrate on completing a full sentence at the moment without being distracted from myself. The voices sometimes are too much but what is worse is the fact that I am not in total control. I hold myself up in my room for days some times and come up with ways to explain it away. I donât even know if what I see or hear is real sometimes. I wish I can record what is going on in my head. It seems to be getting worse lately. I used to be able to cope and only have major problems once and a while but lately it all seems to be coming down. I forget things. Essential things like paying bills, eating and sleeping. Then other times I sleep too much and eat too much. What can I do? I canât even stay on track when iâm trying to explain my head. Yes, I hear voices other than my own. They are me because I know there is nobody else there for the most part but the voices still are there. This has been going on for years. I would talk to them before I had a real conversation to see if that is exactly what I wanted to say. They are men and women. People I know and ones I donât. You can never know how hard this is to write. I, at first, thought that this was normal. Everyone talks to themselves in their head. Then I realized that they meant themselves as in singular. Not plural as in everyone they know. I lived in denial I guess. Mainly denial in my psychotic episodes if that is the scientific term for them. I would day dream except that the dreams are real. I get hurt it actually hurts. I get shot I feel the bullet in me and the sharp burning. I get squashed by a truck full of logs I canât breathe. I see the world around me and yet I do not. My body is like its on auto pilot. Going through the routines and my mind is not. I am lost, very lost. I have things I must do yet for some reason I cannot move my body to do them. I am not in control. Even as I write this I am being laughed at by them. Called crazy and called a liar. They try to reason with me to do things and not do them. I just thought I could handle this alone but I cannot. This is hard, very hard. Why does this have to be me? Why? They say it is because I want to be special, different and that this I the answer. Every great mind has its flaws. Itâs just what gets out is what makes the mind great. I donât want pills. I just want to be alone and yet I truly donât want that. I love people and yet I always want to get away. Iâm sorry I am sick. This hurts so bad to tell. I guess you know the truth now. A truth I do not wish to share let alone accept. Donât feel sorry for me. That is the thing I donât want. I just need to share my life and find a way to continue. To be me, no matter how crazy the doctors wish to call me. I just want to be me.
I am not always this way. Most of the time they are helpful or just quiet but some times they push forward. I looked it up and they say that my age range is when you develop it. It scares me to think that this is happening. I guess that I need to accept that this is me and not be afraid of what others will think of me.
I get parinoid sometimes. It's usually about stupid things like bugs crawling on me or that I am being followed. I see things move that should not. Like this morning I kept seeing a bush moving closer and closer to me. Or a mailbox that would twist to the right and then snap back into position. Some times I see demons and ghosts. I think I need to go find help.
Hi from what i was reading it sounds like you have schizophrenia. You are not alone alot of people are going through the same things you are. But there is help out there. My mom heard voices too. We took her to a local hospital where she spent a couple of days getting the help she needed. She took medicine and shes doing better. She doesnt hear voices anymore. You should try to get help. Talk to a psycologist or a doctor that is willing to help you. Go on the website www.schizophrenia.com
there is alot of information on that site that could answer any questions that you have. Good luck
Your symptoms sound consistent with schizophrenia. However, in your case you're questioning whether you have it or not, which as far as my experience has shown, schizophrenics will never, ever do. They don't even know anything is wrong. This may simply be a case of psychosis, due to some other reason. Whatever help you seek, and I strongly recommend you do, make sure you have your doctor test you for physical problems as well, if weird things happen to organs in the body it can have the strangest effects on how you think. Don't just start taking pills without first investigating the matter.
I know exactly what your talking about my friend. Ive been dealing with the exact same thing but I mastered it. Mine was drug induced though. Did drugs bring on these voices. Also do you have visual hallucinations like seeing little laser like lights flash on and off and see streaks shoot across the room.
The way I stopped hearing voices was by welcoming them and taking it as a challenge. I started seeing it as a positive thing and didnt let any of the negative, !**@! up things they said to me bother me. They would threaten to kill me and id laugh and respond ``come on then, i wouldnt mind meeting jesus``. It got to a point where id crack jokes and the voices would actually laugh at them. The voices came back tenfold when i smoked some weed after a long break on friday night and they scared me shitless at one point one said ``im lucifer incarnated`` and my heart started racing being stoned and all but i smartened up and held my ground and didnt let myself be even slightly nervous and they faded away. If you dont react to them they dont have any significance and dissappear.
From experience ive learned these voices are your minds way of getting you to smarten up and toughen up. Your minds showing you vulnerabilities and showing you that your letting this petty !**@! get to you and once you stop letting it get to you youve passed the test and they stop.