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Thinking of Dating Someone That Is Bipolar? Read Here First. (Page 1)

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I am writing this for anyone who is dating someone that is bipolar or is thinking about dating someone that is bipolar. I wish I had done more research prior to my involvement with my ex-fiancée. I am hoping by posting this I will help someone else before they subject themselves to the pain that many of us have or are still enduring by loving someone with the terrible illness.

Here is my story: I met my ex-fiancée on a dating web site. After our first date he was honest and told me he had been diagnosed with biopolar ii disorder and was taking medication. I immediately thanked him for his candor and told him I wasn’t interested. I had a child and I wasn’t about to subject her to something I knew little about. He wrote me back an e-mail which made me feel horribly guilty. Looking back on it now, it was a direct manipulation and it worked, because I showed up at his door that evening. Bipolars I have heard are experts in manipulation.

I wish I had done my research prior to my involvement with him instead of learning as I went along and although I know not all bipolar’s are the same I would like to post the warning signs I ignored and say that if anyone here is considering getting involved with someone with this illness be prepared to face a lifetime of pain. I have yet to meet someone in person or on line that has a healthy relationship with someone with this illness. The relationship with my ex almost destroyed me. He brought me down to such a state of depression that I myself had to take medication several months after our breakup for depression. It’s been 1 year and 3 months since we split up, and I am finally moving through the pain, however I don’t think I will ever be the same.

Though these warning signs may not fit every person with the bipolar disorder, I know many of them are typical:

you can clearly see the warning signs of the manic stage (which I missed), mixed state, rapid cycling, and finally his depression. I have examples of all them below.


1.) on the second date, found out we had very little in common early on. Tried to leave, he begged me to stay. Very unusual for someone to do on the second date.
2.) had difficulty showing affection. For instance he didn’t like to kiss a lot. Very little french kissing or touching in general, but otherwise acted very sexual.
3.) sex felt forced or more like an “act”.
4.) wrote me an e-mail of things he expected of me and from the relationship early on including marriage and children. I had only seen him twice.
5.) told me he “loved me” after our 5th date
6.) clearly by now he is in a full manic stage. Everything was euphoric, he was taking me on the ride with him
7.) did or made inappropriate sexual comments, grabbing my crotch in public, saying or asking inappropriate things
8.) wanted to know how far I have gone sexually, i.E. Threesomes, etc
9.) talked about sex all the time, but when it came right down to it, he used it as a way to control me, saying this such as “a good way not to get me to sleep with you is by asking me to.”
10.) sex the first time was horrible and many times thereafter. Lacking intimacy
11.) admitted sending explicit sexual photos to women he didn’t know on line and wish he had done more sexually promiscuous things
12.) said he was glad I wasn’t into porn and said he was vehemently against it
13.) i found him posted on a porn web site while we were still engaged soliciting sex
14.) had dated 224 women, yet hadn’t had a significant relationship since college
15.) said he had done inappropriate things in the past that he didn’t want to go into
16.) told me watching others have sex would be fun
17.) extraordinarily bright, but emotionally immature
18.) proposed marriage within 3 months
19.) one day he was up the next he was down.
20.) didn’t like to cuddle when sleeping. He stayed on his side of the bed, again no intimacy
21.) demanded my time when he knew I couldn’t give it
22.) said he wasn’t into public displays of affection
23.) he had little to no friends
24.) his parents were over involved in his life, yet he was in his mid 30’s.
25.) parents were in denial of his illness and treated him like a child
26.) he had a hard time getting off during sex with me he told me it was because he had been numbed by all his sexual experiences (in reality I think it was because of the drugs)
27.) he was very judgmental of me my family and friends
28.) kept track of gifts he had given people, or what gifts people gave him, had great expectations of others
29.) when introduced to others he would make comments about how no one seemed interested in him
30.) he frequently made comments about how much money he was spending on me
31.) he frequently pointed out my faults
32.) he was convinced I was bipolar and told me I should go see a physiatrist to see if I possibly could be. Ironically he refused talk therapy as a way to deal with his illness
33.) constantly was negative and often wrote me e-mails in which he would put me, my family or daughter down.
34.) often brought up how much he hated his ex girlfriends
35.) constantly berated me for not doing things I said I would do and how I never thought about him
36.) often complained he “gave more” to others and expected nothing in return, when in reality he made note of it
37.) constantly complained we only did things I enjoyed, and I never thought about him
38.) he spent the night at a crisis center when I first broke it off with him, only 3 months into dating
39.) cried and begged me back
40.) was addicted to on line dating and would post on multiple dating sites even while engaged
41.) expected me to appear at certain events even after he broke up with me and became enraged when I didn’t.
42.) could not make an important decision in his life without his parent’s involvement.
43.) extremely controlling and manipulative.
44.) told me I should be grateful for all he’s done.
45.) constantly would send me “statistics” of why our relationship wouldn’t work
46.) during fights he would not answer his phone, turn off the lights at his home and pretend he wasn’t there refusing to speak
47.) kept secrets from his parents
48.) said I didn’t make him feel sexually attractive, but nameless faceless women did in general said very hurtful spiteful things to me
49.) would chat on line while we were engaged with other women
50.) we would rarely have sex. This is during his depressed state. Where most engaged couples are so in love they have sex 3-4 times a week if not more. I was lucky if it happened 3-4 times a month
51.) he made me feel bad and unloved when he knew I wanted sex
52.) never took showers with me and took them another bathroom. Again lack of intimacy
53.) always talked sexual, wrote sexual things, but in reality was turned off by sex. He said it was funner having women want him sexually but not giving into them.
54.) told me he would commit suicide if either one or both of his parents died
55.) told me constantly he didn’t think anyone could be as supportive and loving as his parents had been in his life
56.) said I would end up leaving like all the rest

this went on for 10 long months. It was painful, and out of control and there was nothing I could do about it. In the end, I said I wanted out and he threw me and my daughter out of the streets with no where to go. He has not been involved in another relationship since and blames me for his actions, saying I deserved it.

People that are bipolar are unpredictable. What they think and say one day can be entirely different the next day. He never said goodbye to my daughter, who loved him dearly. I would never ever get involved with someone again in the future that was bipolar because of this experience, and sadly I have met and read a lot of people who have similar stories to mine. It was the saddest, hardest and most devastating relationship I have ever had. It wasn’t until after all was said and done that I did everything I could to read up on this disorder. For those of you out there contemplating getting involved with someone with this disorder my advice is to turn and run. For those of you still enduring that are getting no where try and get them to a qualified therapist along with making sure your spouse/lover is getting the right medication.

And for the few of you that actually have survived relationships through this illness. My hat’s off to you.
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First Helper adnor
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Users who thank adnor for this post: redhelen  dukesy  JenniferMary 

replied September 21st, 2006
Experienced User
I'm Less Inclined to Think Strictly Bipolar
I would be inclined to think he may be bipolar and have borderline personality disorder.

You could do worse than investigate that topic very closely.
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replied January 7th, 2012
To the author of this article people who have BIPOLAR do not choose to be born that way it's heridtary so for you to say you will never get involved with a bipolar person is ignorant and your daughter is going to end up as ignorant as you. He clearly was not taking his meds... I have been diagnosed with bipolar for 6 years now and I am a successfully lawyer. So ignorant comment like yours need to change
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Users who thank loribella for this post: Suziemc  darthredraider  mandyperl 

replied March 4th, 2014
You are awesome. I have been diagnosed 4 years and I'm a 4.0 GPA student in college. Thanks for defending yourself and all of us against ignorant people like her.
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replied September 11th, 2012
Unfair characterization of bipolar disorder
I think that's a very unfair characterization of all people with Bipolar Disorder. We are not all like that and I am very offended. One person does not make us all looney and controlling like this man. I am sorry you had to go through all of that but some of us do seek therapy and take our medications and know our triggers and know how we get. WE do work hard to get our symptoms under control and try not to make the lives of those around us a complete nightmare. So to those of you who do bravely venture into getting into a relationship with those of us who have bipolar desease, kudos to you. Some of us will amaze you you and you will find we can be very loving and giving.
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replied December 12th, 2012
I agree entirely. Statements such as "Bipolars are expert at manipulation" is completely unfounded. To be honest I am sure many people with BPD can tell you about how they have been manipulated by others.
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replied March 11th, 2013
Your right. There is amazing bipolar people out there. I have a disease my self and depression. Most of what she wrote was wrong. My x is a great person best lover i ever had. Even it ended still would take the same road.
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replied September 16th, 2012
I am a bi-polar woman and while I have had problems with relationships, the person you are describing above does not sound like a bi-polar to me. He sounds more like a narcissist. I too have been victimised but because of my vulnerability as someone with a mental health condition. He may have said he had been diagnosed bi-polar but deliberate cruelty and undermining of a partner is not how bi-polars are in general. He could just have been a very nasty person who happened also to have bi-polar. Or someone who decided to get some form of diagnosis to manipulate others. Or a sociopath. Or a borderline personality disorder sufferer. Or simply a creep. For you to advise people to turn and run rather than have a relationship with a bi-polar SUFFERER is nasty on your part. I'm sorry you had a bad experience and even more sorry that your daughter suffered too but there are people who behave in the way your ex behaved who have NO MENTAL ILLNESS DIAGNOSIS AT ALL. I know, I married one and was abused night and day.
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Users who thank froghopper for this post: AP83  FudgeStripes 

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replied September 21st, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
I am sorry that you and your .Daughter had to go thu a situation like this! I have met some bi-polar people that are pretty nice of course I have not lived with them, like you did. Don't you feel that if he was seeking professional help and was taking meds and was not doing the stuff on the computer that he was doing and a few other negative things that he was doing and thinking of your .Daughter and you at times instead of it always being about himself that things might have been a bit better and not rushed into things.
I just hope that you and your .Daughter can find someone that can treat someone that will treat you both the way that you both need to be treated.
I hope that you have family that will help you out. We are here for you. You just have to be more careful what is out there and take your time. If you do need some professional help or your .Daughter, their is nothing to be ashamed of, heck, we all need alittle help sometimes and it is not your fault even though their are people that like to make you feel that it is.
I wish you both the best!
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replied September 29th, 2006
Re: Thinking of Dating Someone That Is Bipolar? Read Here Fi
adnor wrote:
i am writing this for anyone who is dating someone that is bipolar or is thinking about dating someone that is bipolar. I wish I had done more research prior to my involvement with my ex-fiancée. I am hoping by posting this I will help someone else before they subject themselves to the pain that many of us have or are still enduring by loving someone with the terrible illness......

.....And for the few of you that actually have survived relationships through this illness. My hat’s off to you.


ok, I have to say, I read all of that, and sympathize with you because of the pain...However, I must disagree with the majority of things you have said about bipolar. I think you just had a really bad experience with a man. He does sound bipolar, but I too was in a relationship with a bipolar, and found similarities with our experiences with them, but some things were just completely so different that have lead me to believe that you are stereotyping bipolars due to your past relationship....Or maybe it was me who found a nice bad bipolar. Who knows. I would like people to respond to see if your statements are accurate, or if the guy had other major problems going on.

1. Although my ex-bf and I didnt have anything in common I think that is what drew us close together. We were both equally passionate and intense.

2.I must disagree with the "lack of showing affection" as being a bipolar characteristic, simply because my ex was the opposite. He was very affectionate. Holding hands in public, kissing, and he was actually the cuddler. I hate to cuddle a lot...He enjoyed it a lot.

3.When it came to sex...I have never ever had sex be more passionate and intense the way that sex was with him. In any event, it was me, (me being a masochist) who actually wanted to have it be not passionate, however, he always knew exactly what to do. He's prescriptions (which he later stopped taking-- breaking me into pieces by ending our relationships)
always made him weak and not be able to climax, he always make sure I was satisfied in other ways, and emotionally. The only time I ever felt like sex was forced was when I knew our relationship was ending, which was the last time I ever saw him or spoke to him. (at that time, it was almost a month since he stopped taking the prescriptions.)

4. Ok, your number 4 just sounds like a psycho, and I personally never experienced anything like that, however, when we first got together we both told eachother what we expected from the relationship. He was 8 yrs older, but we were both in the same level.

5. Just because he told you he loved u after the 5th day, I would not classify that as being negative. However, yes, bipolars tend to be some of the most intense people on this planet. I think that is what attracted me the most.

6.Yes, euphoric. Sounds way too familiar.

7.When it came to sex in public, he was actually not like that what-so-ever. It took me a while to make him agree to let me go down on him in the movie theatre. And when were at the store I was more sexual ( before you guys judge me, I would just like to inform you that I had recently had lost my virginity and was very sexual in his presence.)

8.Sexually, he was actually relieved I had not had many partners. (him being the first guy I made love to.)--( the first night I met him I lost my virginity to a friend of a friend because when I met him I was mesmerized by him, and since he was older I did not want him to reject me due to my lack of sexual experience. (i had just turned 21 the day before). --i regret it, but he knew this and actually always said I should have waited and he would not have rejected me for being a virgin (like someone else had done.)

11. He did tell me he had a lot of sex his younger years, and was very promiscuous, however, he actually was very obsessive about his health...A little bit too much, and therefore, was against one-night stands.

12. He liked porn. I didnt. But I looooooooooooooved watching him watch. =)

15. We really didnt discuss his past experiences, because I really preferred not to. I always say: the past is the past. We're in the present. However, he did mention his past relationships, and he never spoke bad of his exes. He actually was too nice about them, and that would make me soooo jealous.

16. He never said watching others would be fun...But I think watching others would be fun--and I am not bipolar. Not that I am aware of =) (im not angry or possessive enough to be one, I think.) therefore, this statement should not be used to describe a bipolar.

17. I must agree--"extraordinarily bright, but emotionally immature"

19. Agree!~one day he was up the next he was down.

20. As stated before, he was such a cuddler... Except when he stopped taking his meds..He became a different person.

23. I agree with this one. --- "he had little to no friends" he was a loner, but I didnt mind, because sometimes I needed that intimacy.

24. Agree--"his parents were over involved in his life, yet he was in his mid 30’s."--- he was 1 year shy of it... And actually, I think he was overly involved in his parents life, but that just made him a family person, and me being someone who lacked family life, actually that was something I loved about him.

26. Agree-- "he had a hard time getting off during sex" that was bc of the meds. They have that side effect. It never bothered me.

28. He was actually more of the giver, and never rubbed it in anyone's face. He actually always wanted to give...And we would have little fights bc I always felt it should be 50/50..Not him having to pay all the time.

29. He was the life of the party. And he knew it! He was so gregarious.

30. He never pointed out how much money he spent on me.

34. He spoke very nice about his exes.

37. He actually used to say that he didnt deserve me. That I was too good to him.

39. When we first broke up (this is the second time) he cried to get me back, but we were both so emotionally that I cried as well. I did something horrible to him, and he wanted me back. =( and then the second time, never bad was done, and he doesnt even pick up his calls.

43. Never was controlling or manipulative, howver, towards the end, he just never was around and was too busy with other activities.

45. Realistically, the relationship never would have worked, but he never said it, but always said I was too good for him...And too emotional (towards the end.)

46. Ughhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! --agree~!!!!--during fights he would not answer his phone, turn off the lights at his home and pretend he wasn’t there refusing to speak

50. I was complaining that we rarely had sex. We had it about 6-8 times a week. =( I really exhausted him physically now that I think about it. He exhausted me emotionally.

51. When he knew I wanted sex, he always made an effort, even if he was tired or sleepy.--except when we were ending.

52. He took showers with me a lot, but did prefer his privacy at times...But if I asked him to shower with me, he never turned me down.

54. Towards the end he became suicidal, talking about hating his life and wanting to die. I tried sooo hard to stay to help him, but he shut me out one day out of the blue.

55. Agree-- "told me <s>constantly</s> he didn’t think anyone could be as supportive and loving as his parents had been in his life"

unfortunately, 56 is also accurate. "said I would end up leaving like all the rest"



...And lastly. Everyone told me to let him go, because I was in pain with his ups and down. And me being an unstable person as it is, I couldnt handle the extreme unstability he was providing me, however, bipolars need love to do they not? So, I always asked them (my friends) why should they not be in a relationship. Why not? Why cant this work?! Im still so depressed over it (4 months afterwards.) but I really want to know...Who's to say it will not work. Why must they feel unworthy of being loved.
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replied May 26th, 2011
I do not believe all of the events and traits you stated here are attributable to Bipolar Disorder. While he may be bipolar, a lot of what you have written sounds like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I appreciate your saying that not all bipolar sufferers are alike. I would therefore caution anyone reading your post to approach all relationships-including those with Bipolars-with due caution and allow the other individual to present his/her individual self without preemptive stereotypes and judgments.
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replied October 2nd, 2006
Experienced User
Thanks All For the Replies
Thanks for the responses. Dsmith and sandyallen. He was diagnosed by 5 separate specialists, or so he said. He has bipolar 2. But I always thought his moods were extreme, especially given the medications he is taking and the fact that he has taken them consistently for the past 5 years. I cannot image what he would be like without the drugs. It’s scary to think about it actually. I too wonder if there isn’t some “personality disorder” that went undiagnosed. Thanks also for the moral support sandy. I have been seeing my therapist for over 2 years now, and ironically it was my ex that suggested I see someone, since he accused me of being bipolar quite frequently. My daughter also goes, as the breakup affected her immensely since she really had bonded with him. Like I said, he never said goodbye to her and she didn’t deserve that. He just threw us out. Later in an e-mail he told me he doesn’t mean to do bad things, and that most relationships end badly because that is the way of the world. I told him, no, that was the way of his world. It’s been 15 months since we have broken up and I have never received an apology and he never has once asked about my daughter who would have become his stepdaughter. That’s why I posted what I did to warn other women, that this illness is so unpredictable and the saddest thing in all this is that my daughter got hurt the worse and lost a potential daddy. I went into a deep depression after our breakup and became suicidal for 4 months. People who know me, would tell you that is very unusual for me, because I am very upbeat, positive person, always optomistic. It even scared me to the point, that I knew I needed more than just “talk therapy”. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and put on lexapro. I took it for 4 months and then I started having severe side effects, like dizziness and losing my hair. I had lost 20% of my hair. I have been off the drug now for 8 months, and although its been difficult at times, I feel myself getting stronger every day. I now have a new boyfriend that is extremely supportive and luckily lets me talk through the pain that has not entirely gone away. I still love my ex. I wish I didn’t. And friends that have never loved someone that is bipolar just can’t seem to understand, especially given how horribly he treated me and my daughter. I feel like he just can’t help it. I choose to love the real person that I only got to see glimpses of. It’s so sad. I wouldn’t wish this illness on my worst enemy.

Scorpioness. Wow! Thanks for sharing. I have been looking for someone like you to talk to for 15 months now. I have met a lot of parents, friends, husbands and wives on line regarding their stories, but yours is so similar to mine. How long were you two together? See my comments below….



1. Although my ex-bf and I didnt have anything in common I think that is what drew us close together. We were both equally passionate and intense.

He was very passionate and intense. I must rephrase that in the beginning, everything was hot, steamy passionate and very very intense. That’s what drew me to him. I found some of his interests to be immature. For instance he was very into video games and collecting toys. Yet he is a 37 year old man. He was a star wars collector, which I thought was very cool. His mother thought it was “too much”. After our breakup he sold many items on ebay which made me sad, because I knew how much they meant to him. I wonder if she had said something to him or if he did it to prove how sad I made him and he was getting rid of the things he loved most. In fact he sold a lot of things after the breakup that we enjoyed doing together, like videos we watched, etc.

2.I must disagree with the "lack of showing affection" as being a bipolar characteristic, simply because my ex was the opposite. He was very affectionate. Holding hands in public, kissing, and he was actually the cuddler. I hate to cuddle a lot...He enjoyed it a lot.

I have heard this a lot from other people. That bipolar people are affectionate, but when they become depressive, they want to be left alone. Mine did inappropriate things, like grabbing my crotch in public or pulling up my shirt when his parents left the room. It’s like he wanted to get “caught” doing something bad. I think that’s why he would post on the porn web site. It was bad and he wanted others to know he was doing a bad thing.

3.When it came to sex...I have never ever had sex be more passionate and intense the way that sex was with him. In any event, it was me, (me being a masochist) who actually wanted to have it be not passionate, however, he always knew exactly what to do.

I am going to assume that since your ex was on and off again with is medication (it sounds like) led to that passionate sex. I just think with mine the medicine really inhibited him to feel sexual yet I don’t think he was willing to admit it. Instead he would say mean things to me like, “i felt more sexy with the nameless faceless women on line then I do with you now, or ever did.” it really was a major hit to my self esteem, because at the time, I really did feel like it was me that wasn’t “turning” him on. We would have sex maybe 4 times a month and we were supposed to be getting married. I tried to tell him in a constructive way that maybe he should have the medication adjusted, and he would take pot shots at me, blaming me. The first thing I did after our breakup was to call his ex girlfriend and we had the best heart to heart talk for over an hour regarding him and I had found out it was worse for her. They dated for a year and a half and he never got off with her during sex. She said it felt forced and she felt he wasn’t turned on by her. Her words were “it was horrible”. It made me feel better, knowing it really wasn’t me after all, but made me feel sad again for him, because he is unable to be “intimate”. I know there are other ways to be intimate, but it can get boring when only one person is having fun.

4. Ok, your number 4 just sounds like a psycho, and I personally never experienced anything like that, however, when we first got together we both told eachother what we expected from the relationship. He was 8 yrs older, but we were both in the same level.

I learned that it is typical for bipolars to rush things. When they are up they are up and everything is now, now, now.

5. Just because he told you he loved u after the 5th day, I would not classify that as being negative. However, yes, bipolars tend to be some of the most intense people on this planet. I think that is what attracted me the most.

Actually what is really weird about the “i love you” thing is that he said it in passing. He hugged me and said “love you” but before that he said it in an e-mail only after the 2nd date. I find this highly odd.

6.Yes, euphoric. Sounds way too familiar.

7.When it came to sex in public, he was actually not like that what-so-ever. It took me a while to make him agree to let me go down on him in the movie theatre. And when were at the store I was more sexual ( before you guys judge me, I would just like to inform you that I had recently had lost my virginity and was very sexual in his presence.)

i honestly think my ex participated in group sex prior to me, because he would mention it often and I also think he may have had call girls come over and sexually please him. I was always under the impression he was hiding a deep secret regarding sex. It’s like regular sex wasn’t enough to please him.

8.Sexually, he was actually relieved I had not had many partners. (him being the first guy I made love to.)--( the first night I met him I lost my virginity to a friend of a friend because when I met him I was mesmerized by him, and since he was older I did not want him to reject me due to my lack of sexual experience. (i had just turned 21 the day before). --i regret it, but he knew this and actually always said I should have waited and he would not have rejected me for being a virgin (like someone else had done.)

i had found out that my ex lied to me or perhaps lied to the girl he dated before me. He told me he had only been with 13 women. With her, he said it was 53 and even bragged about it. I honestly don’t know the truth, only that he said he had done a lot of sexually promiscuous things in his past, so to me that would be more consistent with her story. I know in general bipolar’s when in the manic stage feel an increase in sexuality and many times go through multiple partners at a time.

11. He did tell me he had a lot of sex his younger years, and was very promiscuous, however, he actually was very obsessive about his health...A little bit too much, and therefore, was against one-night stands.

That’s funny that sounds exactly like my ex. In fact he told me when I met him he imagined the next person he had sex with would be the person he imagined marrying. He said he has been celibate for 15 months now and is “cleansing” himself of me. He used to say he was a sexual camel. I always thought why? If you love someone, you make love to them.

12. He liked porn. I didnt. But I looooooooooooooved watching him watch. =)

15. We really didnt discuss his past experiences, because I really preferred not to. I always say: the past is the past. We're in the present. However, he did mention his past relationships, and he never spoke bad of his exes. He actually was too nice about them, and that would make me soooo jealous.

Mine would bring up an ex from early college and in fact spent quite a bit of money and effort to locate her before our wedding. I wasn’t happy when I found out, but felt he needed closure. I always wonder if he wasn’t doing it with the “hope” he would find her still single. It was devastating.



16. He never said watching others would be fun...But I think watching others would be fun--and I am not bipolar. Not that I am aware of =) (im not angry or possessive enough to be one, I think.) therefore, this statement should not be used to describe a bipolar.

Well your ex admitted to have sexual exploitations in the past correct? Inappropriate sexual behavior is listed as one of the signs to look for in a bipolar personality.

17. I must agree--"extraordinarily bright, but emotionally immature"

19. Agree!~one day he was up the next he was down.

20. As stated before, he was such a cuddler... Except when he stopped taking his meds..He became a different person.

Mine was always taking his medications but found out he was taking too much of one kind and when he weaned himself off it became a different person. Like I said, I can’t imagine what he would be like without the medication.



23. I agree with this one. --- "he had little to no friends" he was a loner, but I didnt mind, because sometimes I needed that intimacy.

I found if I was making time for other friends and not him, this would anger him. He in general didn’t hang out with friends.



24. Agree--"his parents were over involved in his life, yet he was in his mid 30’s."--- he was 1 year shy of it... And actually, I think he was overly involved in his parents life, but that just made him a family person, and me being someone who lacked family life, actually that was something I loved about him.

I have read many story’s where the parents are either too involved or cut off completely. I have tried reaching out to his parents to explain to them what happened in the relationship. They won’t hear any of it and are adamant that “nothing is wrong” with their son. He is really being enabled and that makes me angry and sad. His father plays therapist and they put down therapy for their son as a way to deal with is problems. Very stupid.

26. Agree-- "he had a hard time getting off during sex" that was bc of the meds. They have that side effect. It never bothered me.

28. He was actually more of the giver, and never rubbed it in anyone's face. He actually always wanted to give...And we would have little fights bc I always felt it should be 50/50..Not him having to pay all the time.

Me too. I wanted him to “feel” what I was feeling. When I mentioned seeing someone about it he would turn it around on me and say it was me, that was turning him off sexually.



29. He was the life of the party. And he knew it! He was so gregarious.

30. He never pointed out how much money he spent on me.

I bet my ex has a list lol

34. He spoke very nice about his exes.

37. He actually used to say that he didnt deserve me. That I was too good to him.

He said that to me in the beginning. How long were you with your ex?



39. When we first broke up (this is the second time) he cried to get me back, but we were both so emotionally that I cried as well. I did something horrible to him, and he wanted me back. =( and then the second time, never bad was done, and he doesnt even pick up his calls.

43. Never was controlling or manipulative, howver, towards the end, he just never was around and was too busy with other activities.

45. Realistically, the relationship never would have worked, but he never said it, but always said I was too good for him...And too emotional (towards the end.)

46. Ughhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! --agree~!!!!--during fights he would not answer his phone, turn off the lights at his home and pretend he wasn’t there refusing to speak

50. I was complaining that we rarely had sex. We had it about 6-8 times a week. =( I really exhausted him physically now that I think about it. He exhausted me emotionally.

Wow lucky you. Once when he came over for the weekend he said to me, “we aren’t going to have sex all weekend are we? That’s all we ever do.” what guy says something like that? I was lucky like I said if we had it once a week and like I said, even that felt forced. The more I think about it the more I think he was embarrassed that he couldn’t get off and that he simply was sick of trying.

51. When he knew I wanted sex, he always made an effort, even if he was tired or sleepy.--except when we were ending.

52. He took showers with me a lot, but did prefer his privacy at times...But if I asked him to shower with me, he never turned me down.

54. Towards the end he became suicidal, talking about hating his life and wanting to die. I tried sooo hard to stay to help him, but he shut me out one day out of the blue.

Mine never said he was suicidal but did spent the night in a crisis center when I broke it off with him the first time and then told me about it after the fact. I don’t think his parents ever knew. I just sort of blew it off because I hadn’t been with someone that was bipolar before. I would get many many dark e-mails in which he said the mantras are f-ing with his head, and that he was going to the dark side where no one could help him.

55. Agree-- "told me <s>constantly</s> he didn’t think anyone could be as supportive and loving as his parents had been in his life"

how odd, that they see their parents as their only link or hope. He told me that if anything ever happened to his parents he couldn’t go on living. Now coming from someone that is 37 that is so sad.

Unfortunately, 56 is also accurate. "said I would end up leaving like all the rest"

they know it. In fact, its just a cycle for them. They will burn through another woman and the cycle continues.

...And lastly. Everyone told me to let him go, because I was in pain with his ups and down. And me being an unstable person as it is, I couldnt handle the extreme unstability he was providing me, however, bipolars need love to do they not? So, I always asked them (my friends) why should they not be in a relationship. Why not? Why cant this work?! Im still so depressed over it (4 months afterwards.) but I really want to know...Who's to say it will not work. Why must they feel unworthy of being loved.

You sound exactly like me. You must be co-dependent and a fixer. I’ve told him that I will always love him and I know there is not another ex girlfriend that even thinks about him anymore like I do. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him. It’s been 15 months since our breakup and we only went out 10 months and I am still reeling from it. He still haunts my soul. He won’t allow me to love him and he won’t accept it. He now has sunk to the bottom of his darkness and there is no reaching him. I know our breakup devastated him and he will continue to blame me for his unhappiness. I am glad your ex was a lot nicer to you. I honestly think in my case he showed me aspects of his personality that he never showed anyone else before and we became very close at one time. He also invested over 25k into our relationship, supporting my daughter and me for several months before we moved in with him, bought us both so many gifts and loaned me money for my business. I think he used the money in exchange for what he couldn’t give me emotionally or sexually. When I told him I was unhappy, he lashed out at me and continues to hate me to this day. I really think if he didn’t suffer from this illness things could have been much different. I also think, had I been educated prior to my involvement with him, I could have handled it much better. If I had the chance and he wanted to get back together, I would do it, only because I haven’t let him go in my heart, but it would take a lot of effort on his end and a lot of therapy. I do think there is hope for him to have a healthy relationship even it its with someone else. But he needs to break away from his parents and start trusting professionals who can help him in the way he needs. But going forward if I met someone else that was bipolar I would honestly run.
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replied October 3rd, 2006
Adnor,

i can completely relate to your experience. Just last night I told my bp bf that he needs to move out of the home we shared together for a year. He is always broke, doesn't help nearly enough with the expenses, is a chronic lier, is still on match.Com, etc, etc, etc. I've given up and am very, very hurt and disappointed with the man I loved so much. I just can't take any more. Would you or someone out there be willing to talk with me? if you would like to provide a phone number. I really need support from people who have gone through this horrible process...


Sincerely,
lisa
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replied September 2nd, 2012
My life has changed
Hi Lisa, I have escaped a five year relationship was nearly killed with my 2 yr old sitting on my lap, it has been one of the most horrific experiences of my life, I'm still having intense therapy, i need more people to talk to that have been in a similar situation, it is going to take a long time for me to heal from this it's very painful especially when u have children together it is much more complex, I have been on many chat sites but have never got involved in conversation but I completely relate to all!!! Would be nice to chat to someone....
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User Profile
replied October 6th, 2006
Experienced User
I think I understand a bit of what you mean, i've been with my bf for 2 years and he's bipolar. Alot of what you said sound familliar, people with bipolar tend to be sexually deviant and irrational. My bf is suppose to be put on meds soon, and i'm counting down the days. Bipolar is a mental disease which there is no cure, and it gets worse with age, the only thing they can do is take meds. My f also says inappropriate things in public and if I snap at him over something he freaks out and starts crying and yelling and throwing a fit, and most of the time what he says during his little episodes makes no sense whatso ever. But I have honestly considered leaving him. He's never been abusive but he is controlling in the sense like when I try to get off the phone with him he'll get mad if I dont tell him I love him. He can be extremely childish and gets mad atme if he feels I havent complimented him. And thelist goes on. Its very lonely sometimes he also is extrememyl possessive and jealous and convinced I might cheat on him and that every one wants me. He hates when I have friends, and if I go out somewhere with a friend he'll call me up every 20 minutes crying at me that he feelws i've neglected him in one way or another. I'm so stressed out from this relationship alone I had a miscarriage a couple months ago and have skipped periods, I 've gotten so upset by him i've thrown up. I find myself extremely moody sometimes. And at work and school people think I suffer a mood disorder. Its way out of control, and I felt so alone for so long...I just fdont know what to do anymore. If anyone is in the same situation please pm me..
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replied October 13th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Adnor,i just wanted you to know your post helped me out a lot! If it wasn't so long id read it everyday to make myself feel better! Lol
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replied November 29th, 2006
Experienced User
Bumpin This Thread Up For Newbies
..
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replied December 15th, 2006
This is a very good thread and was very helpful.

Thank you
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replied December 15th, 2006
Thinking of Dating Someone That Is Bipolar? Read Here First.
Hi,
doesn't sound like your post should be in the bi-polar forum.
I don't read a lot about bipolar in your essay! He sounds like a jerk with loads of faults, and why you went out with him a 2nd, 3rd,...30th time sounds more like a problem of "low self-esteem" on somebodies part...

Otherwise, why would anyone endure such a turd from the get-go!
Lots of problems do I see, but not bipolar!
Find a nice guy with controlled bipolar; there are lots of great one's out there!!!
Good luck!
David Rolling Eyes
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replied December 28th, 2006
Experienced User
Hmmmm...
I don't know why my posts are disappearing the next day.
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replied December 28th, 2006
Experienced User
I think the biggest tragedy with mental illness is when parents or family choose to ignore it. Their loved one can be in pain and repeat patterns of abuse but it gets ignored. They don’t want to see what is really going on. It’s very sad because they are hurting the one they love most. I wonder what is going to happen to the person they love when they aren’t around any longer? Will anyone be good enough for him? Will he ever trust anyone? In my ex’s case, he did something terrible but his parents supported him. They reinforce his bad behavior so he just continues to do it again and again. One day, he may meet up the wrong family or hurt the wrong woman.
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replied December 28th, 2006
Experienced User
Dwaddle
Let me try and respond to you again. You are right, my self esteem was zero. I tend to think there is not one healthy woman in her right mind that would get involved with someone that is bipolar.

I think many people out there including people that are bipolar think the medication helps and stop there. After intense study and as many of you already know, the medications only keep the person with the illness from going off the deep end. They can stablize them but its not a cure. The medications themselves are dangerous and can cause serious side effects. Since bipolar people don't know when they are acting out, it's impairitive for them to seek therapy from someone used to dealing with this disorder. In my ex's case, this illness was never discussed at any point. It was ignored. Had I known ahead of time what I was dealing with, the situation could have been handled entirely different, and my daughter, my ex and myself would have endured far less pain.

Any woman/man going into a realationship with someone with this illness should know everything about it. In my ex's case I believe he won't receive the help he so desperately needs from the only friends he has; his parents, because they choose to ignore it. And my ex won't go and get the help he needs, because he frankly thinks everyone else has the problem. He will continue to weed through women, send explicit photos on line and engage in risky behavior. He has told every woman he has dated that when his parents pass away he won't have any reason to continue living. That to me is pitiful and so very sad. I really hope someone will wake up and get him the help he deserves and needs.
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replied December 28th, 2006
Hi andor. I found a lot of similarities in what you said above to what I am going through with my bf. First of all, I just found out a couple of weeks ago that he was bipolar. We have been together for 5 months and he told me after I told him I was pregnant. I am very mad at him for not telling me earlier. He also says I will leave like all the rest and has had too many girlfriends to count. He hasn't dated any of them longer then a year. That scares me too. But now I am going to have this baby and I don't know what the chances are that I will have a child that is bp. I too suffer from low self esteem and always pick men that seem to have some problem. His parents also ignore that he has bp. He also has a sister that is mentally challenged and they seem to pay more attention to her as she still lives with them. My bf is controlling. There are times he will cry all day and then other days where he is talking a million miles a minute. We just moved in together right after I told him I was pregnant and its been hell. He has to have everything a certain way and gets mad at me for the littlest things. How am I going to raise a child with him this way?He is taking medication. He is 39, and was diagnosed he said when he was 20. The meds make him gain weight and at times he stops taking them and will stay up all night, night after night. He never wants to have sex anymore but is addicted to on-line porn. Are most bp's like this? I am scared for me and my baby. I am thinking of leaving him. Will it ever get better. Or does it only get worse?
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replied December 28th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
My husband is bi-polar and he has been off his meds he is just fine. I think alot of ppl just dont wanna deal with the "problem" so they take the medicines
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replied December 29th, 2006
Experienced User
Hey
Look, I understand that whoever you were with was at a minimum "difficult" I guess, but I am bipolar and I dont act like that. I mean from what you have said my hubby must be bipolar too, cuz we both go through some of the things you said. Such as he never wants sex and I do..... But not all bipolar ppl are crazy as you make them sound, its like saying all men are asses, but there are some good men out there. I think you just had a bad experience with one man and now you want to plant it on all bipolar people, and that doesnt make me happy, becuz not all of us bipolars are nuts! Just about all of my friends are bipolar and all of them are wonderful people. Cuz you are giving us bad names by saying that people should stay away from us. But I guess you werent really thinking of others feelings about this when ya posted it.
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Users who thank pumpkine0011 for this post: littlehobbit  Suziemc 

replied October 8th, 2011
Totally agree. I have to say as a sufferer of Bi Polar I was a little offended by the post as I do not behave in most of the ways described.

He may be bi polar but he is also an ass!!
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Users who thank tereva for this post: Suziemc 

replied December 29th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Re: Hey
pumpkine0011 wrote:
look, I understand that whoever you were with was at a minimum "difficult" I guess, but I am bipolar and I dont act like that. I mean from what you have said my hubby must be bipolar too, cuz we both go through some of the things you said. Such as he never wants sex and I do..... But not all bipolar ppl are crazy as you make them sound, its like saying all men are asses, but there are some good men out there. I think you just had a bad experience with one man and now you want to plant it on all bipolar people, and that doesnt make me happy, becuz not all of us bipolars are nuts! Just about all of my friends are bipolar and all of them are wonderful people. Cuz you are giving us bad names by saying that people should stay away from us. But I guess you werent really thinking of others feelings about this when ya posted it.
I agree with you! Her man just sounds like a !**@! and she needed something to blame it on. And thats right not all are nuts
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Users who thank Magical Logic for this post: getwilde 

replied January 2nd, 2007
Experienced User
Chase and pumpkin: I didn’t mean to “stereotype” all bipolar’s. Pumpkin, you said “at a minimum he was difficult”. Difficult? He was bizarre as hell. Difficult is when your husband or boyfriend won’t take out the trash, or likes to sleep in till noon on saturday’s, or wants to stay home and watch the bronco game instead of going grocery shopping with you. It’s not normal by any means for a couple who has only been dating 10 months not to have regular sex when they are about to be married or to have to ask your man to have sex with you, but behind your back he is chatting on line with women and talks about bizarre sexual acts and all the promiscuous things he did in the past and admits he wish he had done more. It’s not normal for his parents to treat him like a baby and involve themselves in every aspect of his life, pointing out faults of those around their son yet pretend their son has nothing wrong with him. As I said in my original post, this was just my one and last experience with someone that is bipolar. It may not be everyone’s experience.

After a year and of half of trying to come to terms with what happened and trying to understand the illness, I now realize my ex most likely had more problems then just being bipolar. Certainly he fits the boarderline personality disorder as someone mentioned above and I also believe he is a boarderline sociopath. I say boarderline because I do believe he feels remorse for the things he has done, but refuses to admit it to others and holds it inside until it slowly destroys him. For instance it took him over 10 years to write an apology to an old girlfriend. But it’s not normal by any means for 2 parents and their adult son to think that kicking out a woman and her child on the street is acceptable behavior. I didn’t do anything wrong except to point out to my fiancée at the time that I couldn’t take seeing his profiles on dating web sites while we were still engaged to be married and that I wasn’t happy. Was I supposed to be okay with seeing my fiancée on dating web sites posting photos with me cut out of them? The guy is a fricken nut and mowed over ever last bit of self esteem I had. Honestly I think he is a danger to women and most likely will meet up with one one day that won’t be as nice as I was.

I believe his illnesses are intensified by his parents who are in deep denial. My ex was and is highly perverted and is addicted to pornography and on-line dating. It’s not normal by any means for anyone to have dating more than 300 women for any reason, unless of course he was a porn star. He was not suitable for me and certainly most likely would have been a danger to my daughter who may have seen things or heard things she shouldn’t have. One of you made a statement that all bipolar’s are not crazy. I know crazy is a negative connotation, but yes bipolar people are crazy, as are schizophrenics, paranoia’s and people with personality disorders. All to different extents. I don’t blame bipolar on what happened, I blame my ex, however his being bipolar exasperated the events that took place. Certainly differentiating the illness from the person has been a battle for me, that’s why I am here, to learn more.

Jessika: I don’t know what the odds are of you having a bipolar child. My ex wanted to have a child and he quoted me all sorts of statistics. If I remember correctly, I think I had a 30% chance, but since he was adopted, he didn’t know his families medical history. I was more than willing to face the odds because I was in love with him. My friend has a son that is bipolar and now I can only thank god that I didn’t get pregnant and marry him. I am now 41 years old and had we gone through with the plans and had gotten married, I am afraid my life would have been a living hell with him. I can’t imagine raising a child with this illness especially after reading the thread below of those who have children that are bipolar. Yes this illness gets worse with age. I know that promiscuous sexual behavior is listed as one of the signs of bipolar, so I would imagine on-line dating, and pornography addiction would fall under that as well. I am sorry for your situation and I do know what you are going through. I suggest you get help for yourself and build a support system around you. In my opinion and no disrespect to chase and pumpkin, but your situation involves a child and if your ex stops and starts medication, his mood swings can become even more volatile. You may consider moving out until he is better stabilized. Good luck, but remember to put you and your baby first!
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replied January 3rd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Blah blah blah my husband is bi polar and he is not crazy! He is also has bpd and he dont act nuts .You need to come to terms that your ex was just an !**@!
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