Thinking of Dating Someone That Is Bipolar? Read Here First. Posted: 09-18-06 17:51pm
I am writing this for anyone who is dating
someone that is bipolar or is thinking
about dating someone that is bipolar. I
wish I had done more research prior to my
involvement with my ex-fiancée. I am
hoping by posting this I will help someone
else before they subject themselves to the
pain that many of us have or are still
enduring by loving someone with the
terrible illness.
Here is my story: I met my ex-fiancée on
a dating web site. After our first date
he was honest and told me he had been
diagnosed with biopolar ii disorder and
was taking medication. I immediately
thanked him for his candor and told him I
wasn’t interested. I had a child and I
wasn’t about to subject her to something
I knew little about. He wrote me back an
e-mail which made me feel horribly guilty.
Looking back on it now, it was a direct
manipulation and it worked, because I
showed up at his door that evening.
Bipolars I have heard are experts in
manipulation.
I wish I had done my research prior to my
involvement with him instead of learning
as I went along and although I know not
all bipolar’s are the same I would like
to post the warning signs I ignored and
say that if anyone here is considering
getting involved with someone with this
illness be prepared to face a lifetime of
pain. I have yet to meet someone in
person or on line that has a healthy
relationship with someone with this
illness. The relationship with my ex
almost destroyed me. He brought me down
to such a state of depression that I
myself had to take medication several
months after our breakup for depression.
It’s been 1 year and 3 months since we
split up, and I am finally moving through
the pain, however I don’t think I will
ever be the same.
Though these warning signs may not fit
every person with the bipolar disorder, I
know many of them are typical:
you can clearly see the warning signs of
the manic stage (which I missed), mixed
state, rapid cycling, and finally his
depression. I have examples of all them
below.
1.) on the second date, found out we had
very little in common early on. Tried to
leave, he begged me to stay. Very
unusual for someone to do on the second
date.
2.) had difficulty showing affection.
For instance he didn’t like to kiss a
lot. Very little french kissing or
touching in general, but otherwise acted
very sexual.
3.) sex felt forced or more like an
“act”.
4.) wrote me an e-mail of things he
expected of me and from the relationship
early on including marriage and children.
I had only seen him twice.
5.) told me he “loved me” after our
5th date
6.) clearly by now he is in a full manic
stage. Everything was euphoric, he was
taking me on the ride with him
7.) did or made inappropriate sexual
comments, grabbing my crotch in public,
saying or asking inappropriate things
8.) wanted to know how far I have gone
sexually, i.E. Threesomes, etc
9.) talked about sex all the time, but
when it came right down to it, he used it
as a way to control me, saying this such
as “a good way not to get me to sleep
with you is by asking me to.”
10.) sex the first time was horrible and
many times thereafter. Lacking intimacy
11.) admitted sending explicit sexual
photos to women he didn’t know on line
and wish he had done more sexually
promiscuous things
12.) said he was glad I wasn’t into porn
and said he was vehemently against it
13.) i found him posted on a porn web site
while we were still engaged soliciting
sex
14.) had dated 224 women, yet hadn’t had
a significant relationship since college
15.) said he had done inappropriate things
in the past that he didn’t want to go
into
16.) told me watching others have sex
would be fun
17.) extraordinarily bright, but
emotionally immature
18.) proposed marriage within 3 months
19.) one day he was up the next he was
down.
20.) didn’t like to cuddle when
sleeping. He stayed on his side of the
bed, again no intimacy
21.) demanded my time when he knew I
couldn’t give it
22.) said he wasn’t into public displays
of affection
23.) he had little to no friends
24.) his parents were over involved in his
life, yet he was in his mid 30’s.
25.) parents were in denial of his illness
and treated him like a child
26.) he had a hard time getting off during
sex with me he told me it was because he
had been numbed by all his sexual
experiences (in reality I think it was
because of the drugs)
27.) he was very judgmental of me my
family and friends
28.) kept track of gifts he had given
people, or what gifts people gave him, had
great expectations of others
29.) when introduced to others he would
make comments about how no one seemed
interested in him
30.) he frequently made comments about how
much money he was spending on me
31.) he frequently pointed out my faults
32.) he was convinced I was bipolar and
told me I should go see a physiatrist to
see if I possibly could be. Ironically he
refused talk therapy as a way to deal with
his illness
33.) constantly was negative and often
wrote me e-mails in which he would put me,
my family or daughter down.
34.) often brought up how much he hated
his ex girlfriends
35.) constantly berated me for not doing
things I said I would do and how I never
thought about him
36.) often complained he “gave more”
to others and expected nothing in return,
when in reality he made note of it
37.) constantly complained we only did
things I enjoyed, and I never thought
about him
38.) he spent the night at a crisis center
when I first broke it off with him, only 3
months into dating
39.) cried and begged me back
40.) was addicted to on line dating and
would post on multiple dating sites even
while engaged
41.) expected me to appear at certain
events even after he broke up with me and
became enraged when I didn’t.
42.) could not make an important decision
in his life without his parent’s
involvement.
43.) extremely controlling and
manipulative.
44.) told me I should be grateful for all
he’s done.
45.) constantly would send me
“statistics” of why our relationship
wouldn’t work
46.) during fights he would not answer his
phone, turn off the lights at his home and
pretend he wasn’t there refusing to
speak
47.) kept secrets from his parents
48.) said I didn’t make him feel
sexually attractive, but nameless faceless
women did in general said very hurtful
spiteful things to me
49.) would chat on line while we were
engaged with other women
50.) we would rarely have sex. This is
during his depressed state. Where most
engaged couples are so in love they have
sex 3-4 times a week if not more. I was
lucky if it happened 3-4 times a month
51.) he made me feel bad and unloved when
he knew I wanted sex
52.) never took showers with me and took
them another bathroom. Again lack of
intimacy
53.) always talked sexual, wrote sexual
things, but in reality was turned off by
sex. He said it was funner having women
want him sexually but not giving into
them.
54.) told me he would commit suicide if
either one or both of his parents died
55.) told me constantly he didn’t think
anyone could be as supportive and loving
as his parents had been in his life
56.) said I would end up leaving like all
the rest
this went on for 10 long months. It was
painful, and out of control and there was
nothing I could do about it. In the end,
I said I wanted out and he threw me and my
daughter out of the streets with no where
to go. He has not been involved in
another relationship since and blames me
for his actions, saying I deserved it.
People that are bipolar are unpredictable.
What they think and say one day can be
entirely different the next day. He
never said goodbye to my daughter, who
loved him dearly. I would never ever get
involved with someone again in the future
that was bipolar because of this
experience, and sadly I have met and read
a lot of people who have similar stories
to mine. It was the saddest, hardest and
most devastating relationship I have ever
had. It wasn’t until after all was
said and done that I did everything I
could to read up on this disorder. For
those of you out there contemplating
getting involved with someone with this
disorder my advice is to turn and run.
For those of you still enduring that are
getting no where try and get them to a
qualified therapist along with making sure
your spouse/lover is getting the right
medication.
And for the few of you that actually have
survived relationships through this
illness. My hat’s off to you.
I'm Less Inclined to Think Strictly Bipolar Posted: 09-21-06 12:16pm
I would be inclined to think he may be
bipolar and have borderline personality
disorder.
You could do worse than investigate that
topic very closely.
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 09-21-06 14:32pm
I am sorry that you and your .Daughter had
to go thu a situation like this! I have
met some bi-polar people that are pretty
nice of course I have not lived with them,
like you did. Don't you feel that if he
was seeking professional help and was
taking meds and was not doing the stuff on
the computer that he was doing and a few
other negative things that he was doing
and thinking of your .Daughter and you at
times instead of it always being about
himself that things might have been a bit
better and not rushed into things.
I just hope that you and your .Daughter
can find someone that can treat someone
that will treat you both the way that you
both need to be treated.
I hope that you have family that will help
you out. We are here for you. You just
have to be more careful what is out there
and take your time. If you do need some
professional help or your .Daughter, their
is nothing to be ashamed of, heck, we all
need alittle help sometimes and it is not
your fault even though their are people
that like to make you feel that it is.
I wish you both the best!
|
scorpioness
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2006 Posts: 6
Re: Thinking of Dating Someone That Is Bipolar? Read Here Fi Posted: 09-29-06 00:13am
adnor
wrote:
i am writing this for anyone
who is dating someone that is bipolar or
is thinking about dating someone that is
bipolar. I wish I had done more
research prior to my involvement with my
ex-fiancée. I am hoping by posting this
I will help someone else before they
subject themselves to the pain that many
of us have or are still enduring by loving
someone with the terrible illness......
.....And for the few of you that actually
have survived relationships through this
illness. My hat’s off to
you.
ok, I have to say, I read all of that, and
sympathize with you because of the
pain...However, I must disagree with the
majority of things you have said about
bipolar. I think you just had a really
bad experience with a man. He does sound
bipolar, but I too was in a relationship
with a bipolar, and found similarities
with our experiences with them, but some
things were just completely so different
that have lead me to believe that you are
stereotyping bipolars due to your past
relationship....Or maybe it was me who
found a nice bad bipolar. Who knows. I
would like people to respond to see if
your statements are accurate, or if the
guy had other major problems going on.
1. Although my ex-bf and I didnt have
anything in common I think that is what
drew us close together. We were both
equally passionate and intense.
2.I must disagree with the "lack of
showing affection" as being a bipolar
characteristic, simply because my ex was
the opposite. He was very affectionate.
Holding hands in public, kissing, and he
was actually the cuddler. I hate to
cuddle a lot...He enjoyed it a lot.
3.When it came to sex...I have never ever
had sex be more passionate and intense the
way that sex was with him. In any event,
it was me, (me being a masochist) who
actually wanted to have it be not
passionate, however, he always knew
exactly what to do. He's prescriptions
(which he later stopped taking-- breaking
me into pieces by ending our
relationships)
always made him weak and not be able to
climax, he always make sure I was
satisfied in other ways, and emotionally.
The only time I ever felt like sex was
forced was when I knew our relationship
was ending, which was the last time I ever
saw him or spoke to him. (at that time,
it was almost a month since he stopped
taking the prescriptions.)
4. Ok, your number 4 just sounds like a
psycho, and I personally never experienced
anything like that, however, when we first
got together we both told eachother what
we expected from the relationship. He was
8 yrs older, but we were both in the same
level.
5. Just because he told you he loved u
after the 5th day, I would not classify
that as being negative. However, yes,
bipolars tend to be some of the most
intense people on this planet. I think
that is what attracted me the most.
6.Yes, euphoric. Sounds way too
familiar.
7.When it came to sex in public, he was
actually not like that what-so-ever. It
took me a while to make him agree to let
me go down on him in the movie theatre.
And when were at the store I was more
sexual ( before you guys judge me, I would
just like to inform you that I had
recently had lost my virginity and was
very sexual in his presence.)
8.Sexually, he was actually relieved I had
not had many partners. (him being the
first guy I made love to.)--( the first
night I met him I lost my virginity to a
friend of a friend because when I met him
I was mesmerized by him, and since he was
older I did not want him to reject me due
to my lack of sexual experience. (i had
just turned 21 the day before). --i
regret it, but he knew this and actually
always said I should have waited and he
would not have rejected me for being a
virgin (like someone else had done.)
11. He did tell me he had a lot of sex
his younger years, and was very
promiscuous, however, he actually was very
obsessive about his health...A little bit
too much, and therefore, was against
one-night stands.
12. He liked porn. I didnt. But I
looooooooooooooved watching him watch.
=)
15. We really didnt discuss his past
experiences, because I really preferred
not to. I always say: the past is the
past. We're in the present. However, he
did mention his past relationships, and he
never spoke bad of his exes. He actually
was too nice about them, and that would
make me soooo jealous.
16. He never said watching others would
be fun...But I think watching others would
be fun--and I am not bipolar. Not that I
am aware of =) (im not angry or possessive
enough to be one, I think.) therefore,
this statement should not be used to
describe a bipolar.
17. I must agree--"extraordinarily
bright, but emotionally immature"
19. Agree!~one day he was up the next he
was down.
20. As stated before, he was such a
cuddler... Except when he stopped taking
his meds..He became a different person.
23. I agree with this one. --- "he had
little to no friends" he was a loner, but
I didnt mind, because sometimes I needed
that intimacy.
24. Agree--"his parents were over
involved in his life, yet he was in his
mid 30’s."--- he was 1 year shy of it...
And actually, I think he was overly
involved in his parents life, but that
just made him a family person, and me
being someone who lacked family life,
actually that was something I loved about
him.
26. Agree-- "he had a hard time getting
off during sex" that was bc of the meds.
They have that side effect. It never
bothered me.
28. He was actually more of the giver,
and never rubbed it in anyone's face. He
actually always wanted to give...And we
would have little fights bc I always felt
it should be 50/50..Not him having to pay
all the time.
29. He was the life of the party. And he
knew it! He was so gregarious.
30. He never pointed out how much money
he spent on me.
34. He spoke very nice about his exes.
37. He actually used to say that he didnt
deserve me. That I was too good to him.
39. When we first broke up (this is the
second time) he cried to get me back, but
we were both so emotionally that I cried
as well. I did something horrible to him,
and he wanted me back. =( and then the
second time, never bad was done, and he
doesnt even pick up his calls.
43. Never was controlling or
manipulative, howver, towards the end, he
just never was around and was too busy
with other activities.
45. Realistically, the relationship never
would have worked, but he never said it,
but always said I was too good for
him...And too emotional (towards the
end.)
46. Ughhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
--agree~!!!!--during fights he would not
answer his phone, turn off the lights at
his home and pretend he wasn’t there
refusing to speak
50. I was complaining that we rarely had
sex. We had it about 6-8 times a week.
=( I really exhausted him physically now
that I think about it. He exhausted me
emotionally.
51. When he knew I wanted sex, he always
made an effort, even if he was tired or
sleepy.--except when we were ending.
52. He took showers with me a lot, but
did prefer his privacy at times...But if I
asked him to shower with me, he never
turned me down.
54. Towards the end he became suicidal,
talking about hating his life and wanting
to die. I tried sooo hard to stay to help
him, but he shut me out one day out of the
blue.
55. Agree-- "told me
<s>constantly</s> he didn’t
think anyone could be as supportive and
loving as his parents had been in his
life"
unfortunately, 56 is also accurate. "said
I would end up leaving like all the rest"
...And lastly. Everyone told me to let
him go, because I was in pain with his ups
and down. And me being an unstable person
as it is, I couldnt handle the extreme
unstability he was providing me, however,
bipolars need love to do they not? So, I
always asked them (my friends) why should
they not be in a relationship. Why not?
Why cant this work?! Im still so
depressed over it (4 months afterwards.)
but I really want to know...Who's to say
it will not work. Why must they feel
unworthy of being loved.
Thanks All For the Replies Posted: 10-02-06 13:01pm
Thanks for the responses. Dsmith and
sandyallen. He was diagnosed by 5
separate specialists, or so he said.
He has bipolar 2. But I always thought
his moods were extreme, especially given
the medications he is taking and the fact
that he has taken them consistently for
the past 5 years. I cannot image what
he would be like without the drugs.
It’s scary to think about it actually.
I too wonder if there isn’t some
“personality disorder” that went
undiagnosed. Thanks also for the moral
support sandy. I have been seeing my
therapist for over 2 years now, and
ironically it was my ex that suggested I
see someone, since he accused me of being
bipolar quite frequently. My daughter
also goes, as the breakup affected her
immensely since she really had bonded with
him. Like I said, he never said
goodbye to her and she didn’t deserve
that. He just threw us out. Later
in an e-mail he told me he doesn’t mean
to do bad things, and that most
relationships end badly because that is
the way of the world. I told him, no,
that was the way of his world. It’s
been 15 months since we have broken up and
I have never received an apology and he
never has once asked about my daughter who
would have become his stepdaughter.
That’s why I posted what I did to warn
other women, that this illness is so
unpredictable and the saddest thing in all
this is that my daughter got hurt the
worse and lost a potential daddy. I
went into a deep depression after our
breakup and became suicidal for 4 months.
People who know me, would tell you that
is very unusual for me, because I am very
upbeat, positive person, always
optomistic. It even scared me to the
point, that I knew I needed more than just
“talk therapy”. I was diagnosed
with clinical depression and put on
lexapro. I took it for 4 months and
then I started having severe side effects,
like dizziness and losing my hair. I
had lost 20% of my hair. I have been
off the drug now for 8 months, and
although its been difficult at times, I
feel myself getting stronger every day.
I now have a new boyfriend that is
extremely supportive and luckily lets me
talk through the pain that has not
entirely gone away. I still love my
ex. I wish I didn’t. And friends
that have never loved someone that is
bipolar just can’t seem to understand,
especially given how horribly he treated
me and my daughter. I feel like he
just can’t help it. I choose to love
the real person that I only got to see
glimpses of. It’s so sad. I
wouldn’t wish this illness on my worst
enemy.
Scorpioness. Wow! Thanks for
sharing. I have been looking for
someone like you to talk to for 15 months
now. I have met a lot of parents,
friends, husbands and wives on line
regarding their stories, but yours is so
similar to mine. How long were you two
together? See my comments below….
1. Although my ex-bf and I didnt have
anything in common I think that is what
drew us close together. We were both
equally passionate and intense.
He was very passionate and intense. I
must rephrase that in the beginning,
everything was hot, steamy passionate and
very very intense. That’s what drew
me to him. I found some of his
interests to be immature. For instance
he was very into video games and
collecting toys. Yet he is a 37 year
old man. He was a star wars collector,
which I thought was very cool. His
mother thought it was “too much”.
After our breakup he sold many items on
ebay which made me sad, because I knew how
much they meant to him. I wonder if
she had said something to him or if he did
it to prove how sad I made him and he was
getting rid of the things he loved most.
In fact he sold a lot of things after
the breakup that we enjoyed doing
together, like videos we watched, etc.
2.I must disagree with the "lack of
showing affection" as being a bipolar
characteristic, simply because my ex was
the opposite. He was very affectionate.
Holding hands in public, kissing, and
he was actually the cuddler. I hate to
cuddle a lot...He enjoyed it a lot.
I have heard this a lot from other people.
That bipolar people are affectionate,
but when they become depressive, they want
to be left alone. Mine did
inappropriate things, like grabbing my
crotch in public or pulling up my shirt
when his parents left the room. It’s
like he wanted to get “caught” doing
something bad. I think that’s why he
would post on the porn web site. It
was bad and he wanted others to know he
was doing a bad thing.
3.When it came to sex...I have never ever
had sex be more passionate and intense the
way that sex was with him. In any
event, it was me, (me being a masochist)
who actually wanted to have it be not
passionate, however, he always knew
exactly what to do.
I am going to assume that since your ex
was on and off again with is medication
(it sounds like) led to that passionate
sex. I just think with mine the
medicine really inhibited him to feel
sexual yet I don’t think he was willing
to admit it. Instead he would say mean
things to me like, “i felt more sexy
with the nameless faceless women on line
then I do with you now, or ever did.”
it really was a major hit to my self
esteem, because at the time, I really did
feel like it was me that wasn’t
“turning” him on. We would have
sex maybe 4 times a month and we were
supposed to be getting married. I
tried to tell him in a constructive way
that maybe he should have the medication
adjusted, and he would take pot shots at
me, blaming me. The first thing I did
after our breakup was to call his ex
girlfriend and we had the best heart to
heart talk for over an hour regarding him
and I had found out it was worse for her.
They dated for a year and a half and he
never got off with her during sex. She
said it felt forced and she felt he
wasn’t turned on by her. Her words
were “it was horrible”. It made me
feel better, knowing it really wasn’t me
after all, but made me feel sad again for
him, because he is unable to be
“intimate”. I know there are other
ways to be intimate, but it can get boring
when only one person is having fun.
4. Ok, your number 4 just sounds like a
psycho, and I personally never experienced
anything like that, however, when we first
got together we both told eachother what
we expected from the relationship. He
was 8 yrs older, but we were both in the
same level.
I learned that it is typical for bipolars
to rush things. When they are up they
are up and everything is now, now, now.
5. Just because he told you he loved u
after the 5th day, I would not classify
that as being negative. However, yes,
bipolars tend to be some of the most
intense people on this planet. I think
that is what attracted me the most.
Actually what is really weird about the
“i love you” thing is that he said it
in passing. He hugged me and said
“love you” but before that he said it
in an e-mail only after the 2nd date.
I find this highly odd.
6.Yes, euphoric. Sounds way too
familiar.
7.When it came to sex in public, he was
actually not like that what-so-ever. It
took me a while to make him agree to let
me go down on him in the movie theatre.
And when were at the store I was more
sexual ( before you guys judge me, I would
just like to inform you that I had
recently had lost my virginity and was
very sexual in his presence.)
i honestly think my ex participated in
group sex prior to me, because he would
mention it often and I also think he may
have had call girls come over and sexually
please him. I was always under the
impression he was hiding a deep secret
regarding sex. It’s like regular sex
wasn’t enough to please him.
8.Sexually, he was actually relieved I had
not had many partners. (him being the
first guy I made love to.)--( the first
night I met him I lost my virginity to a
friend of a friend because when I met him
I was mesmerized by him, and since he was
older I did not want him to reject me due
to my lack of sexual experience. (i had
just turned 21 the day before). --i
regret it, but he knew this and actually
always said I should have waited and he
would not have rejected me for being a
virgin (like someone else had done.)
i had found out that my ex lied to me or
perhaps lied to the girl he dated before
me. He told me he had only been with 13
women. With her, he said it was 53 and
even bragged about it. I honestly
don’t know the truth, only that he said
he had done a lot of sexually promiscuous
things in his past, so to me that would be
more consistent with her story. I know
in general bipolar’s when in the manic
stage feel an increase in sexuality and
many times go through multiple partners at
a time.
11. He did tell me he had a lot of sex
his younger years, and was very
promiscuous, however, he actually was very
obsessive about his health...A little bit
too much, and therefore, was against
one-night stands.
That’s funny that sounds exactly like my
ex. In fact he told me when I met him
he imagined the next person he had sex
with would be the person he imagined
marrying. He said he has been celibate
for 15 months now and is “cleansing”
himself of me. He used to say he was a
sexual camel. I always thought why?
If you love someone, you make love to
them.
12. He liked porn. I didnt. But I
looooooooooooooved watching him watch.
=)
15. We really didnt discuss his past
experiences, because I really preferred
not to. I always say: the past is the
past. We're in the present. However,
he did mention his past relationships, and
he never spoke bad of his exes. He
actually was too nice about them, and that
would make me soooo jealous.
Mine would bring up an ex from early
college and in fact spent quite a bit of
money and effort to locate her before our
wedding. I wasn’t happy when I found
out, but felt he needed closure. I
always wonder if he wasn’t doing it with
the “hope” he would find her still
single. It was devastating.
16. He never said watching others would
be fun...But I think watching others would
be fun--and I am not bipolar. Not that
I am aware of =) (im not angry or
possessive enough to be one, I think.)
therefore, this statement should not be
used to describe a bipolar.
Well your ex admitted to have sexual
exploitations in the past correct?
Inappropriate sexual behavior is listed as
one of the signs to look for in a bipolar
personality.
17. I must agree--"extraordinarily
bright, but emotionally immature"
19. Agree!~one day he was up the next
he was down.
20. As stated before, he was such a
cuddler... Except when he stopped
taking his meds..He became a different
person.
Mine was always taking his medications but
found out he was taking too much of one
kind and when he weaned himself off it
became a different person. Like I
said, I can’t imagine what he would be
like without the medication.
23. I agree with this one. --- "he
had little to no friends" he was a loner,
but I didnt mind, because sometimes I
needed that intimacy.
I found if I was making time for other
friends and not him, this would anger him.
He in general didn’t hang out with
friends.
24. Agree--"his parents were over
involved in his life, yet he was in his
mid 30’s."--- he was 1 year shy of it...
And actually, I think he was overly
involved in his parents life, but that
just made him a family person, and me
being someone who lacked family life,
actually that was something I loved about
him.
I have read many story’s where the
parents are either too involved or cut off
completely. I have tried reaching out
to his parents to explain to them what
happened in the relationship. They
won’t hear any of it and are adamant
that “nothing is wrong” with their
son. He is really being enabled and
that makes me angry and sad. His father
plays therapist and they put down therapy
for their son as a way to deal with is
problems. Very stupid.
26. Agree-- "he had a hard time getting
off during sex" that was bc of the meds.
They have that side effect. It never
bothered me.
28. He was actually more of the giver,
and never rubbed it in anyone's face.
He actually always wanted to give...And we
would have little fights bc I always felt
it should be 50/50..Not him having to pay
all the time.
Me too. I wanted him to “feel”
what I was feeling. When I mentioned
seeing someone about it he would turn it
around on me and say it was me, that was
turning him off sexually.
29. He was the life of the party.
And he knew it! He was so gregarious.
30. He never pointed out how much money
he spent on me.
I bet my ex has a list lol
34. He spoke very nice about his exes.
37. He actually used to say that he
didnt deserve me. That I was too good
to him.
He said that to me in the beginning.
How long were you with your ex?
39. When we first broke up (this is the
second time) he cried to get me back, but
we were both so emotionally that I cried
as well. I did something horrible to
him, and he wanted me back. =( and then
the second time, never bad was done, and
he doesnt even pick up his calls.
43. Never was controlling or
manipulative, howver, towards the end, he
just never was around and was too busy
with other activities.
45. Realistically, the relationship
never would have worked, but he never said
it, but always said I was too good for
him...And too emotional (towards the end.)
46. Ughhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
--agree~!!!!--during fights he would not
answer his phone, turn off the lights at
his home and pretend he wasn’t there
refusing to speak
50. I was complaining that we rarely
had sex. We had it about 6-8 times a
week. =( I really exhausted him
physically now that I think about it.
He exhausted me emotionally.
Wow lucky you. Once when he came over
for the weekend he said to me, “we
aren’t going to have sex all weekend are
we? That’s all we ever do.” what
guy says something like that? I was
lucky like I said if we had it once a week
and like I said, even that felt forced.
The more I think about it the more I think
he was embarrassed that he couldn’t get
off and that he simply was sick of trying.
51. When he knew I wanted sex, he
always made an effort, even if he was
tired or sleepy.--except when we were
ending.
52. He took showers with me a lot, but
did prefer his privacy at times...But if I
asked him to shower with me, he never
turned me down.
54. Towards the end he became suicidal,
talking about hating his life and wanting
to die. I tried sooo hard to stay to
help him, but he shut me out one day out
of the blue.
Mine never said he was suicidal but did
spent the night in a crisis center when I
broke it off with him the first time and
then told me about it after the fact. I
don’t think his parents ever knew. I
just sort of blew it off because I
hadn’t been with someone that was
bipolar before. I would get many many
dark e-mails in which he said the mantras
are f-ing with his head, and that he was
going to the dark side where no one could
help him.
55. Agree-- "told me
<s>constantly</s> he didn’t
think anyone could be as supportive and
loving as his parents had been in his
life"
how odd, that they see their parents as
their only link or hope. He told me
that if anything ever happened to his
parents he couldn’t go on living. Now
coming from someone that is 37 that is so
sad.
Unfortunately, 56 is also accurate.
"said I would end up leaving like all the
rest"
they know it. In fact, its just a
cycle for them. They will burn through
another woman and the cycle continues.
...And lastly. Everyone told me to let
him go, because I was in pain with his ups
and down. And me being an unstable
person as it is, I couldnt handle the
extreme unstability he was providing me,
however, bipolars need love to do they
not? So, I always asked them (my
friends) why should they not be in a
relationship. Why not? Why cant this
work?! Im still so depressed over it (4
months afterwards.) but I really want to
know...Who's to say it will not work.
Why must they feel unworthy of being
loved.
You sound exactly like me. You must be
co-dependent and a fixer. I’ve told
him that I will always love him and I know
there is not another ex girlfriend that
even thinks about him anymore like I do.
There is not a day that goes by that I
don’t think about him. It’s been
15 months since our breakup and we only
went out 10 months and I am still reeling
from it. He still haunts my soul.
He won’t allow me to love him and he
won’t accept it. He now has sunk to
the bottom of his darkness and there is no
reaching him. I know our breakup
devastated him and he will continue to
blame me for his unhappiness. I am
glad your ex was a lot nicer to you. I
honestly think in my case he showed me
aspects of his personality that he never
showed anyone else before and we became
very close at one time. He also
invested over 25k into our relationship,
supporting my daughter and me for several
months before we moved in with him, bought
us both so many gifts and loaned me money
for my business. I think he used the
money in exchange for what he couldn’t
give me emotionally or sexually. When
I told him I was unhappy, he lashed out at
me and continues to hate me to this day.
I really think if he didn’t suffer
from this illness things could have been
much different. I also think, had I
been educated prior to my involvement with
him, I could have handled it much better.
If I had the chance and he wanted to get
back together, I would do it, only because
I haven’t let him go in my heart, but it
would take a lot of effort on his end and
a lot of therapy. I do think there is
hope for him to have a healthy
relationship even it its with someone
else. But he needs to break away from
his parents and start trusting
professionals who can help him in the way
he needs. But going forward if I met
someone else that was bipolar I would
honestly run.
|
doggieluvr
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Aug 2005 Posts: 5 Location: USA
Posted: 10-03-06 13:43pm
Adnor,
i can completely relate to your
experience. Just last night I told my bp
bf that he needs to move out of the home
we shared together for a year. He is
always broke, doesn't help nearly enough
with the expenses, is a chronic lier, is
still on match.Com, etc, etc, etc. I've
given up and am very, very hurt and
disappointed with the man I loved so much.
I just can't take any more. Would you
or someone out there be willing to talk
with me? My email is lisa@inte
rwest.Com if you would like to provide
a phone number. I really need support
from people who have gone through this
horrible process...
Sincerely,
lisa
|
Purple_Butterflies
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 55 Location: UTAH!
Posted: 10-06-06 10:59am
I think I understand a bit of what you
mean, i've been with my bf for 2 years and
he's bipolar. Alot of what you said sound
familliar, people with bipolar tend to be
sexually deviant and irrational. My bf is
suppose to be put on meds soon, and i'm
counting down the days. Bipolar is a
mental disease which there is no cure, and
it gets worse with age, the only thing
they can do is take meds. My f also says
inappropriate things in public and if I
snap at him over something he freaks out
and starts crying and yelling and throwing
a fit, and most of the time what he says
during his little episodes makes no sense
whatso ever. But I have honestly
considered leaving him. He's never been
abusive but he is controlling in the sense
like when I try to get off the phone with
him he'll get mad if I dont tell him I
love him. He can be extremely childish
and gets mad atme if he feels I havent
complimented him. And thelist goes on.
Its very lonely sometimes he also is
extrememyl possessive and jealous and
convinced I might cheat on him and that
every one wants me. He hates when I have
friends, and if I go out somewhere with a
friend he'll call me up every 20 minutes
crying at me that he feelws i've neglected
him in one way or another. I'm so
stressed out from this relationship alone
I had a miscarriage a couple months ago
and have skipped periods, I 've gotten so
upset by him i've thrown up. I find
myself extremely moody sometimes. And at
work and school people think I suffer a
mood disorder. Its way out of control,
and I felt so alone for so long...I just
fdont know what to do anymore. If anyone
is in the same situation please pm me..
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 10-13-06 13:47pm
Adnor,i just wanted you to know your post
helped me out a lot! If it wasn't so long
id read it everyday to make myself feel
better! Lol
Bumpin This Thread Up For Newbies Posted: 11-29-06 18:06pm
..
|
wanthelp
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Dec 2006 Posts: 1
Posted: 12-15-06 12:54pm
This is a very good thread and was very
helpful.
Thank you
|
dwaddle
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Dec 2006 Posts: 3 Location: Cincinnati
Thinking of Dating Someone That Is Bipolar? Read Here First. Posted: 12-15-06 18:05pm
Hi,
doesn't sound like your post should be in
the bi-polar forum.
I don't read a lot about bipolar in your
essay! He sounds like a jerk with loads
of faults, and why you went out with him a
2nd, 3rd,...30th time sounds more like a
problem of "low self-esteem" on somebodies
part...
Otherwise, why would anyone endure such a
turd from the get-go!
Lots of problems do I see, but not
bipolar!
Find a nice guy with controlled bipolar;
there are lots of great one's out
there!!!
Good luck!
David
I think the biggest tragedy with mental
illness is when parents or family choose
to ignore it. Their loved one can be in
pain and repeat patterns of abuse but it
gets ignored. They don’t want to see
what is really going on. It’s very sad
because they are hurting the one they love
most. I wonder what is going to happen
to the person they love when they aren’t
around any longer? Will anyone be good
enough for him? Will he ever trust
anyone? In my ex’s case, he did
something terrible but his parents
supported him. They reinforce his bad
behavior so he just continues to do it
again and again. One day, he may meet up
the wrong family or hurt the wrong woman.
Let me try and respond to you again. You
are right, my self esteem was zero. I
tend to think there is not one healthy
woman in her right mind that would get
involved with someone that is bipolar.
I think many people out there including
people that are bipolar think the
medication helps and stop there. After
intense study and as many of you already
know, the medications only keep the person
with the illness from going off the deep
end. They can stablize them but its not a
cure. The medications themselves are
dangerous and can cause serious side
effects. Since bipolar people don't know
when they are acting out, it's impairitive
for them to seek therapy from someone used
to dealing with this disorder. In my ex's
case, this illness was never discussed at
any point. It was ignored. Had I known
ahead of time what I was dealing with, the
situation could have been handled entirely
different, and my daughter, my ex and
myself would have endured far less pain.
Any woman/man going into a realationship
with someone with this illness should know
everything about it. In my ex's case I
believe he won't receive the help he so
desperately needs from the only friends he
has; his parents, because they choose to
ignore it. And my ex won't go and get
the help he needs, because he frankly
thinks everyone else has the problem. He
will continue to weed through women, send
explicit photos on line and engage in
risky behavior. He has told every woman
he has dated that when his parents pass
away he won't have any reason to continue
living. That to me is pitiful and so
very sad. I really hope someone will wake
up and get him the help he deserves and
needs.
|
Jessika
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2006 Posts: 13 Location: Cleveland
Posted: 12-28-06 12:39pm
Hi andor. I found a lot of similarities
in what you said above to what I am going
through with my bf. First of all, I just
found out a couple of weeks ago that he
was bipolar. We have been together for 5
months and he told me after I told him I
was pregnant. I am very mad at him for
not telling me earlier. He also says I
will leave like all the rest and has had
too many girlfriends to count. He hasn't
dated any of them longer then a year.
That scares me too. But now I am going to
have this baby and I don't know what the
chances are that I will have a child that
is bp. I too suffer from low self esteem
and always pick men that seem to have some
problem. His parents also ignore that he
has bp. He also has a sister that is
mentally challenged and they seem to pay
more attention to her as she still lives
with them. My bf is controlling. There
are times he will cry all day and then
other days where he is talking a million
miles a minute. We just moved in together
right after I told him I was pregnant and
its been hell. He has to have everything
a certain way and gets mad at me for the
littlest things. How am I going to raise
a child with him this way?He is taking
medication. He is 39, and was diagnosed
he said when he was 20. The meds make him
gain weight and at times he stops taking
them and will stay up all night, night
after night. He never wants to have sex
anymore but is addicted to on-line porn.
Are most bp's like this? I am scared for
me and my baby. I am thinking of leaving
him. Will it ever get better. Or does it
only get worse?
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Magical Logic
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 2248
Posted: 12-28-06 20:46pm
My husband is bi-polar and he has been off
his meds he is just fine. I think alot
of ppl just dont wanna deal with the
"problem" so they take the medicines
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pumpkine0011
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Dec 2006 Posts: 135 Location: CO
Hey Posted: 12-29-06 22:36pm
Look, I understand that whoever you were
with was at a minimum "difficult" I guess,
but I am bipolar and I dont act like that.
I mean from what you have said my hubby
must be bipolar too, cuz we both go
through some of the things you said. Such
as he never wants sex and I do..... But
not all bipolar ppl are crazy as you make
them sound, its like saying all men are
asses, but there are some good men out
there. I think you just had a bad
experience with one man and now you want
to plant it on all bipolar people, and
that doesnt make me happy, becuz not all
of us bipolars are nuts! Just about all
of my friends are bipolar and all of them
are wonderful people. Cuz you are giving
us bad names by saying that people should
stay away from us. But I guess you werent
really thinking of others feelings about
this when ya posted it.
|
Magical Logic
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 2248
Re: Hey Posted: 12-29-06 23:03pm
pumpkine0011
wrote:
look, I understand that
whoever you were with was at a minimum
"difficult" I guess, but I am bipolar and
I dont act like that. I mean from what
you have said my hubby must be bipolar
too, cuz we both go through some of the
things you said. Such as he never wants
sex and I do..... But not all bipolar
ppl are crazy as you make them sound, its
like saying all men are asses, but there
are some good men out there. I think you
just had a bad experience with one man and
now you want to plant it on all bipolar
people, and that doesnt make me happy,
becuz not all of us bipolars are nuts!
Just about all of my friends are bipolar
and all of them are wonderful people.
Cuz you are giving us bad names by saying
that people should stay away from us.
But I guess you werent really thinking of
others feelings about this when ya posted
it.
I agree with you! Her
man just sounds like a friend and she
needed something to blame it on. And
thats right not all are nuts
Chase and pumpkin: I didn’t mean to
“stereotype” all bipolar’s.
Pumpkin, you said “at a minimum he was
difficult”. Difficult? He was bizarre
as hell. Difficult is when your husband
or boyfriend won’t take out the trash,
or likes to sleep in till noon on
saturday’s, or wants to stay home and
watch the bronco game instead of going
grocery shopping with you. It’s not
normal by any means for a couple who has
only been dating 10 months not to have
regular sex when they are about to be
married or to have to ask your man to have
sex with you, but behind your back he is
chatting on line with women and talks
about bizarre sexual acts and all the
promiscuous things he did in the past and
admits he wish he had done more. It’s
not normal for his parents to treat him
like a baby and involve themselves in
every aspect of his life, pointing out
faults of those around their son yet
pretend their son has nothing wrong with
him. As I said in my original post, this
was just my one and last experience with
someone that is bipolar. It may not be
everyone’s experience.
After a year and of half of trying to come
to terms with what happened and trying to
understand the illness, I now realize my
ex most likely had more problems then just
being bipolar. Certainly he fits the
boarderline personality disorder as
someone mentioned above and I also believe
he is a boarderline sociopath. I say
boarderline because I do believe he feels
remorse for the things he has done, but
refuses to admit it to others and holds it
inside until it slowly destroys him. For
instance it took him over 10 years to
write an apology to an old girlfriend.
But it’s not normal by any means for 2
parents and their adult son to think that
kicking out a woman and her child on the
street is acceptable behavior. I didn’t
do anything wrong except to point out to
my fiancée at the time that I couldn’t
take seeing his profiles on dating web
sites while we were still engaged to be
married and that I wasn’t happy. Was I
supposed to be okay with seeing my
fiancée on dating web sites posting
photos with me cut out of them? The guy
is a fricken nut and mowed over ever last
bit of self esteem I had. Honestly I
think he is a danger to women and most
likely will meet up with one one day that
won’t be as nice as I was.
I believe his illnesses are intensified by
his parents who are in deep denial. My ex
was and is highly perverted and is
addicted to pornography and on-line
dating. It’s not normal by any means
for anyone to have dating more than 300
women for any reason, unless of course he
was a porn star. He was not suitable for
me and certainly most likely would have
been a danger to my daughter who may have
seen things or heard things she
shouldn’t have. One of you made a
statement that all bipolar’s are not
crazy. I know crazy is a negative
connotation, but yes bipolar people are
crazy, as are schizophrenics, paranoia’s
and people with personality disorders.
All to different extents. I don’t blame
bipolar on what happened, I blame my ex,
however his being bipolar exasperated the
events that took place. Certainly
differentiating the illness from the
person has been a battle for me, that’s
why I am here, to learn more.
Jessika: I don’t know what the odds are
of you having a bipolar child. My ex
wanted to have a child and he quoted me
all sorts of statistics. If I remember
correctly, I think I had a 30% chance, but
since he was adopted, he didn’t know his
families medical history. I was more than
willing to face the odds because I was in
love with him. My friend has a son that
is bipolar and now I can only thank god
that I didn’t get pregnant and marry
him. I am now 41 years old and had we
gone through with the plans and had gotten
married, I am afraid my life would have
been a living hell with him. I can’t
imagine raising a child with this illness
especially after reading the thread below
of those who have children that are
bipolar. Yes this illness gets worse with
age. I know that promiscuous sexual
behavior is listed as one of the signs of
bipolar, so I would imagine on-line
dating, and pornography addiction would
fall under that as well. I am sorry for
your situation and I do know what you are
going through. I suggest you get help for
yourself and build a support system around
you. In my opinion and no disrespect to
chase and pumpkin, but your situation
involves a child and if your ex stops and
starts medication, his mood swings can
become even more volatile. You may
consider moving out until he is better
stabilized. Good luck, but remember to
put you and your baby first!
|
Magical Logic
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 2248
Posted: 01-03-07 12:29pm
Blah blah blah my husband is bi polar and
he is not crazy! He is also has bpd and
he dont act nuts .You need to come to
terms that your ex was just an problem
