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Q: I Could Use Some Advice On This, I'm New Here

asked by: Erica_Anneliese on September 15th, 2006

New User

Well, hi everyone, my name is erica (obviously :p) i'm 15, but I turn 16 in about 2 weeks

i took a pregnancy test today, and found out that I am pregnant.

So, i've been in a monogamous relationship for over 14 months with the guy I lost my virginity to when I was 14 --

problem -- my boyfriend, who is completely supportive, and as accidental as this may be, dare I say he may even be happy? Is 19 years old.. He will be 20 by the time our baby is born..

My question is.. In most states (including mine) I know that I could marry him with parental consent when I turn 16.. So will us being married prevent him from being prosecuted?

This is only something I would consider doing at such a point in my life if it would prevent him from being prosecuted for getting me pregnant, and I realize that the thought of marriage should not, by any means, be taken lightly.. But I do really care about this boy.. And I would do whatever it took to keep him out of prison :(

any advice of alternative options would be greatly appreciated, or if anyone knows the laws regarding married teenagers and sex, that would be awesome.. I really just don't want my child to have to live the first few years of his life without a father :( or to have to see his father locked up for something that was my decision in the first place (us having sex).

Thanks a bunch for any help,
erica anneliese-

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Replies(12)

SamanthaM

replied on September 15th, 2006

Supporter

I am not sure if being married would stop him from being prosecuted, but I assume it would. But please....Do not get married for this reason. Like you said marriage is not to be taken lightly. I am glad he is supportive of the pregnancy, but do not marry him for that reason. Marriage is hard enough when you are older, imagine how it would be a 16 years old. You shouldn't even be thinking about marriage now. I understand your dilemma, but I believe that you would regret getting married.

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Erica_Anneliese

replied on September 15th, 2006

New User

I know, and I understand why it really isn't an awesome idea..

My other option that I have been thinking of, is to put "unknown" under the fathers name on the birth cerificate.

This scares me though in that the state might pursue finding a father, and I know the first place they will look is at my boyfriend..

So I don't know.. There are so many cons to not having him on the birth certificate, but like I said, I would do anything to keep him out of prison so that he can be there for his son/daughter.

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Mabel

replied on September 15th, 2006

Moderator

Erica, I was 16 when I got pregnant and I was forced to marry the guy (long story). But I can tell you honestly that is not something I would ever do again. He was nearly 21 when we were married. I was 14 when we met.

You are going to go through a lot of life changes with having a baby. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Lifetime. Like think of how long you've been alive and double or even triple that. That is how long marriage will last. Or not, as was my case. I was divorced by the time I was 19 years old!

Chances are that he will not be prosecuted, since it would be you and your family who would have to file charges against him.

After my life experience (my son is almost 21 now!), I can honestly say I should not have gotten married when I was 16. And you should not marry get married either if the only reason you would is so he isn't prosecuted for statutory rape.

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jparry

replied on September 15th, 2006

Experienced User

Erica,

i know in the state that I live in so long as the age difference is no more then 4 years, it isn't considered sexual assault of a minor! I also think that in order for him to be prosecuted you would have to press charges. Do your parents currently know that you are dating that much older then you? Are your parents ok with the age difference if they do know? If so then you shouldn't have to worry about charges be pressed! I am not sure if marriage would stop conviction if you parents pressed charges or not.. It might be in your best interest to search wisconsin laws regarding this issue. If you have a strong bond with your parents talk to them about the issue... I hope this helps you out some! If you ever need to talk I am here!

Joey

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Erica_Anneliese

replied on September 15th, 2006

New User

In my state (wisconsin) sex with a minor even if she is 17 and he is 18, he can still be prosecuted.. Also, my parents would not press charges, under the circumstances that they know him, and he is at our house regularly, and they know that we are not a fling.. Our relationship is as serious as it can be at our ages.

But in wi, the state can press charges on him even if my parents and I protest them.

Also, my parents and I have noticed that the prosecuters in my city tend to go after interracial pregnancies far more vigorously than white-white pregnancies. I am a 50/50 mix of white and native american and he is purely laotion

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jparry

replied on September 15th, 2006

Experienced User

Well I would continue to do research.. I am sure that you can find some kind of information about this situation! Good luck

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Erica_Anneliese

replied on September 15th, 2006

New User

Thanks all.. Yea, i've been lookin, I think sometime this week i'll buck over to the library and see if I can find anything there

:d

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BrianBaby

replied on September 15th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Hmm, could you try to talk to a social worker or consult a lawyer??

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Erica_Anneliese

replied on September 15th, 2006

New User

A social worker would be required to report it.. A lawyer would be a last option if I can't find anything because i'm not sure, but I think it would cost money to have a consultation or whatever it may be called.

I'm still just not sure what to do, but I have a few months before it becomes time to make a final decision, thanks for suggesting that!

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Mabel

replied on September 15th, 2006

Moderator

erica_anneliese wrote:

a social worker would be required to report it.. A lawyer would be a last option if I can't find anything because i'm not sure, but I think it would cost money to have a consultation or whatever it may be called.

I'm still just not sure what to do, but I have a few months before it becomes time to make a final decision, thanks for suggesting that!

your doctor would be required to report it as well - if the state is so diligent about following up on statutory rape cases, like you say it is. Any health care professional, teacher or social worker would be obligated to report it.

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LittleRaspberryQueen

replied on September 20th, 2006

New User

Erica,
try what I did on my first pregnancy, I lived in ohio, where in my town sex in general is frowned upon unless you are married. But I went to a school in a larger city, so I made some friends with some of the student teachers who were closer to my age, and one older teacher who was a complete liberal. I was 15 when I was first pregnant and I talked to her and the other teachers and they looked into it for me so that my boyfriend of two years didn't go to jail, over something bogus,all because my town knew I was pregnant. Later that week they found a loophole in the rules and we were in the clear for the first child to be born. So try talking to an adult you trust, or one of your friends older siblings.

Good luck!

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Tazzy D

replied on September 20th, 2006

Advanced Support Team

Also another option that you could do is contact your local prosecutors office and call anonymously and ask the questions that you need to know. That is what one of my friends did, and she also contacted the police department. All of them told my friend that the only way that they would proceed with charges is if the parents would pursue them. Good luck hun.

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