I've never actually taken anything for this, but at the same time i'm wondering if I might just have ocd instead of generalized anxiety. I just obsess about everything, and i've had many panic attacks over this. I've done well with trying to use cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy aka talking myself out of it/making myself stop the negative thoughts), but at times my brain still goes into what I say is overdrive and I simply cannot stop it. It's gotten to where i've had hallucinations at night (just recently they've stopped, but they tend to stop and return), and as much as I didn't want to believe what I saw was true I couldn't help it. The feeling was too intense, and I closed my eyes in the case that if I did die that my eyes would be closed and maybe i'd be spared somehow. I did that for a few weeks, and within that time I couldn't sleep at all.. Having the lights on didn't help at all. Sleeping during the day did no good. As sad and as childish as this sounds I sleep with my monitor on at night because i'm still afraid, and I try my best to not open my eyes or even think much while i'm in bed. I refuse to take medicine for it though, plus I have no health insurance anyway so I suppose i'm just stuck with this regardless. I just hate it intensely. I've had this problem since I was a kid. Everyday when I wake up feels like an automatic weight is on my back because it has exhausted me for so long, and every night when I go to sleep I know the burden of these feelings will only return the next day. I'm not saying that I have it worse than anyone else in the world; I just want to live one day without feeling like i'm being suffocated from something that I can't get away from. My parents don't understand it, my boyfriend listens, but all I can seem to get out of him is negative comments about how he's afraid of how my mental health is only going to get worse as time goes on. They can't understand why I don't care to make myself happy rather than others. I just feel like after so long making myself happy only happens through others because there's always so much on me that I *can't* enjoy anything for myself without always having some sort of worry or obsession over something in my life.

It just makes me feel so hopeless at times. As much as I try to hide feeling this way, it always rears its ugly face when i'm alone :(