The back story: around a month ago, my gf and I moved in together. We've been dating for 6 months and we both felt the time was right. Right after we moved in, she was hospitalized for mono. She is a sweet woman with her heart in the right place, but unfortunately suffers from chronic pain and is dealing with mono at the same time, so she isn't working right now. On top of this, she recently lost her father to suicide and her family is falling apart and not speaking to each other. I can say she is handling it well, all things considered, as I lost my father the same way many years ago.

I am new to living with someone and have felt overwhelmed by the constant needs she has had in and since the hospital. She doesn't leave the house much. When she does, she's pooped by the time she gets home. I feel like her only constant link to the outside world.

She has had her share of hardships and has dealt with each of them logically and precisely, no matter the situation. Sure, she cries a lot, but I think that is normal, even though it kills me every time I see it.

After graduating from college, I fell apart. My gf at the time broke up with me and I fell hard (no suicide attempts, though... Thought i'd clarify). I checked myself into a mental health facility, only to be pushed through the system, told "i'm of no threat to myself or others", slapped with a bi-polar 2 label and given a lot of meds to ease me back down. The meds only made me sicker. The doctor told me, "sorry" and took me off the meds. I never saw him again.

After that, I dealt with my depression in a multitude of ways, from meditating to counting to 10, nothing really clinical, but what are you going to do? For years, I haven't had any issues and have lived life very happily. Only now do I feel like I did in college, except this time, i'm the one who is completely hostile and unable to control myself verbally.

We've been arguing a lot lately, each time my temper is getting worse and worse. I don't hit, punch, bite, push, pull or anything physical. But my verbal attacks are getting harsher and more accusatory.

I feel underappreciated. I feel suffocated. I feel as though she discusses her family's plight and physical pain with me so much that it is beating me down and is taking up more of my pain that my own personal struggles.

Last night, she was ill and I spent some time taking care of her. From just hugging her to fixing her a sandwich to walking her dog (which has become my job since she has been ill) to getting her meds for her... I tried to be as helpful as I could. It was around midnight and I was tired, so I crawled into bed with her. I was exhausted, depressed and just wanted to close my eyes and never get up. I couldn't get comfortable in the bed and she asked me to scoot over and I went ballistic.

I wanted to her to leave. I wanted to leave. I told her she doesn't respect my needs and she never listens to me... Expletive expletive... And to just let me be alone. I willingly wanted to sleep on the couch.

I called to find a counselor this morning. I can't live this way anymore and my gf doesn't deserve this kind of aggravation. If anyone has any advice, please let me know. Please be aware... Suicide isn't a factor with me, so don't be alarmed by the statement " I can't live this way". After losing someone so dear to you that way, it makes you even more desperate to live your life the right way.

Bk