Depression Forum - I Can't Live With Myself

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Q: I Can't Live With Myself

asked by: Aspiration on September 12th, 2006

New User

I honestly think i'm a burden in other people's lives and I don't know how to live the way I want.

These days I find myself arguing with my mom often. I mean, one day we're cool with each other, and the other day we're yelling at each other. A lot of the time it really is my fault (and a lot of the times I think she worries too much) for her getting angry, but I just can't handle it and I yell back. I say things like "awe! Why are you always getting mad! Why you get mad over that! Leave me alone. I didn't do anything! Why you so mean?" and probably some other stupid things. I come off as a really whiny fool loser and I really don't want to be like that anymore. Plus I make really stupid noises that just annoy my family members because it's a habit. Everything mentioned in this paragraph are some of the reasons why I don't maintain my dignity.

I really hate doing stupid things. I often find myself doing really stupid things and it's really embarassing. I don't know how to be helpful and I think i'm gonna be more useless more than I already am if I don't do something about it. For example, I was at work and my boss told me to get a ladle for him. The thing was that I didn't even know what a ladle was. I saw that the boss was frustrated because it was busy and I wasn't being much of a help and the customers might've saw the stupid incident as well. People say I shouldn't make a big deal out of these things, but if I keep on being this stupid in very important situations, then i'm gonna find it difficult to get somewhere in life.

Another thing that has been depressing me for years is the fact I have no friends. Before school started, I promised myself that I would make friends. Well, school started and I barely even talk to people, which is something I didn't expect to do. My shyness is holding me back. When I do talk to someone, I don't know how to do an interesting conversation. When I finally pushed myself to talk to this girl I actually knew today (i wasn't trying to get with her), I got nervous and I think I just blew it. I'm just tired of walking around so loney like a loser all the time.

I honestly think I have nothing or at least not very much. These things take away my motivation to succeed because I feel i'm alone in this. I can't do this all by myself. I see people with their friends supporting each other. Even the people with no friends are at least smart, so they know how to succeed. I on the other hand have nothing to back me up. I just don't feel like trying anymore. It's always on my mind.

Please help me, because I don't wanna whine about all this anymore. It's stupid and lame.

Peace.

Last edited by Aspiration on September 12th, 2006 06:20 PM; edited 2 times in total

Replies(15)

dc83

replied on September 12th, 2006

New User

Don't Push, When You Gotta Pull..

I'm going to tell you something that my dad told me a few years ago, when I was going through some issues in my life and feeling the things and thinking the things that you seem to be thinking at the moment.. "your mom and i, we love you.. We love you so much, that we'd do anything for you..Why, we'd even give our lives for you..But, the only thing we can't do is live your life for you.. "
now I know this won't solve all the problems, or stop all the feelings, but I hope it'll help you realize this..That you can talk to your mom, and that she only worries because she cares.. I know you've probably heard this many times, but it's true.. And talking about it online and relieving it anonymously may be easier, but confiding in someone you trust and being consoled in person makes things feel a whole lot better..
So don't push her away.. Try sitting down and talking to her.. I'm sure she'll try to do everything she can to help you with this..My mom did.

johnR

replied on September 12th, 2006

Experienced User

Great advice dc83

Aspiration

replied on September 12th, 2006

New User

I'm always telling her about this stuff, but all she says is to not care and it's nothing. That doesn't help me at all. I really wanna solve this problems instead of ignoring them. She doesn't understand. I do know she cares though.

dc83

replied on September 13th, 2006

New User

"i'm always telling her about this stuff, but all she says is to not care and it's nothing. That doesn't help me at all. I really wanna solve this problems instead of ignoring them. She doesn't understand. I do know she cares though."

reading your response, I get the impression that the stuff and the problems you're talking about are external issues.. Such as some of the other students around you at school..? That are causing you to feel all these discouraging emotions?.. High-school, possibly?
..If that's the case, i'm not that much older than you.. So I can honestly tell you (because it's still so fresh in my memory) that for half of those 4 years, it was absolutely torture.. Everyone was out to trash me, everyone had large groups of friends but me, everyone was so happy to be in high school but me.. In every aspect, it seemed that everyone had it better than me..
Is this how you feel sometimes?.. Yes? .. Well, you wanna' know something?...You're not the only one! Yes, surprisingly enough, even those kids that seem like they got it all together go through some of these similar feelings, like you.. Like me.. Like everyone else. So don't feel like you're alone.. Because you're not.
I doubt there's one fool-proof way of dealing with this, since everyones situation is different.. But for me, I think the turning point was when I realized 'to not care' because 'it's nothing'... Sound familiar?? Yup.. You're mom could actually be telling you some very wise words.. Don't let the negative things around you get to you..You have to be strong, because, sadly, there are always going to be negative things around you in life..Whether it's just a mean look from a stranger to a disabling accident (**knock on wood!)..
And although it may seem unfair that other people don't have to go through the exact same thing as you, try not to constantly compare yourself to the people around you, because everyone is different in their own way..It'll eventually lead to a unique and stronger you in the future.
You'll see.. ;)

Aspiration

replied on September 16th, 2006

New User

I know i'm not the only one with no friends, but what I mean by being alone is having no friends. Everybpdy needs friends, so it really is a big deal that needs to be solved.

I honestly want to solve this as soon as possible. This is really important to me. Do you have friends now and are you doing good in school? Do you think you're a burden in other people's lives.

Aspiration

replied on September 19th, 2006

New User

It has occured to me once again that I don't know how worthy I can be in this world. My sister says i'm stupid because she thinks i'm taking the wrong class. She says it's a waste of money (yes, I need to pay for it) and time, and that I don't need it to go to post secondary. Now I don't know if she's right or not, but honestly I just don't know how to make the right decisions. I still don't even know what I wanna do with my life.

I feel so worthless and I pretty much have nothing. Please help me.

Spirit

replied on September 20th, 2006

Experienced User

Speaking as an old f*rt and probably alot closer to your parents age then yours.........................Ie there's nothing in it for me..............Listen up to your parents..............In the long run............They are the ones who will stand by you....................

Wanna be less of a "burden".............Clean up your own cr*p............Ie. Dishes, rinsed, clothes hung up etc............It don't get done by itself hun.....

Want friends................Easy, plenty of people out there that feel the same way as you.............Prob is, everyones pretending to be "cool"..... So no one's being real anymore..............Cut thru the cr*p and find a real friend.

Sisters or brothers, don't matter, their yob is to be a pain in the a**...........Not unlike parents...........

Don't sweat the whole "ladle" incident.....................I remember when I was working in a warehouse, and one of the guys told me to ask the boss for a "sky hook" and a "paper stretcher"................Hooks don't go in the sky and paper don't stretch...........................I'll never live that one down,lol.

If you ain't got no plans for the future................And from your previous post.....................Listen to your dad.................Become a "machinist"..........At the very least you'll have a starting point........A skill......................Not to mention you'll "shock" the heck outta your dad and probably succeed in developing a closer relationship with him. :)

Aspiration

replied on September 20th, 2006

New User

I'm always trying to find real friends. The only is that I do not know how to be an interesting friends. No one wants to hang out with people who are boring. I mean, like on monday, I got to talk a little bit to this girl who is in my class and it seemed like she was interested in being friends with me. On tuesday, I got to know her a little more and I was happy that she was cool to me. Then today, she got to know this other girl in our class and it turns out that they have become friends. It seems like she totally lost interest in me. She's been doing stuff for her that she never did to me like offering to hand in her papers to the teacher for her. All she said to me was to ask me if I minded if I slide over for her new friend. I just don't know how to be interesting to people. I really tried to be a fun person, but it seems like I failed.

Even if sisters and brothers naturally annoy each other, I should still show a sense of maturity and be normal. The things I do are not normal. The things I do are so disturbing that I don't wanna share them. I feel like such a kid.

And the stupid things I do really do matter. Like I said, I might not get very far in life if i'm not smart in these situations.

I haven't been close to my dad in years. I just can't. I do not wanna waste more years of my life doing things I do not want.

I really just wanna be happy in life and be worthy. I don't wanna be a waste of space, I don't wanna be lonely anymore. I wanna be a person I can respect myself. And how can I respect myself when i'm so emotional. I honestly feel that death is the only way to fix my problems or the easy way. I can't kill myself though. It' just not right.

Please help me.

Aspiration

replied on September 24th, 2006

New User

Please help me out.

Bobbyjen

replied on September 25th, 2006

New User

If your not interesting why not start by modeling people you find interesting. Pick a person and consume every bit of information about them you can. Hugh hefner did this when he adopted the "play boy" image.

icareyou

replied on September 26th, 2006

New User

Once Again Think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aspiration wrote:

please help me out.

why don’t you try something else to make you fun? Maybe you need something new: interesting books, movies, school activities, sport, new friends girlfriend or a boyfriend. You can also consult the trusted psychologist or a trusted adult. If talking doesn’t help, you may be suffering from an anxious-depressive disorder and you may need help from a mental health professional. But, alcohol or drugs are definitely not the cures...They may temporarily make you feel better but your problems will still be there when you come down. You can also seek support here at edit . You are not alone, and there are many people who feel like you do. Try to keep your head up and keep looking for solutions. Asking for a medical treatment question is a good beginning to overcome from the depression. And being that I told you one more thing that there are lot of medicine that give you nice support to overcome form the depression edit and when you are watch your surrounding then you find there are lot of people that are fighting to the depression and they won this betel ask why? Because they think they can win they have one ray that we can live, we are live and we will live so once again invoke your inner conscious that give you mentally support and you will win best of luck

Aspiration

replied on October 3rd, 2006

New User

Thanks for all the help. I really hope everything will work out. It's just gonna be so difficult to tackle and it takes time. I don't wanna waste more years of my life. I wanna be able to go to post secondary and be able to make it.

johnR

replied on October 4th, 2006

Experienced User

Try joining a cbt group. The exercises you will learn will help ytou feel better about yourself and build your self confidence. It seems to me like you are being unrealistically too hard on yourself.

Kd121

replied on October 4th, 2006

New User

Aspiration -

my advice to you is don't be a pushover.

It doesn't matter that you're shy. It doesn't matter if you don't make "interesting conversation".

I was the same at school - those thoughts ran through my head constantly. I was the really quiet one. People asked me "why don't you speak?" and I didn't really have an answer and I was ashamed of it.

I'm the same now except i'm not embarrassed by my quietness - I actually cherish it.

Play by your rules sometimes - talk about what you want to talk about. And don't force conversation if you don't feel like speaking. People will respect you for it.

Aspiration

replied on October 5th, 2006

New User

Oh, I feel what you guys are saying.

But I still feel like a loser for other reasons. I mean, there's this guy that was in the same class as me in grade 9. Back then, he used to make fun of me in front of everyone in class. Plus he constantly shouted the first syllable of my name (short version obviously) in an annoying low-pitched voice (he might've been trying to imitate my voice). Even while he did that, I still tried to be cool to him and just smiled or try to be cool, but sometimes I really told him to shut up. When he told me to sit with and his friends (who made fun of me as well), I did that, and I guess everyone in class thought I was a fool. Luckily, he didn't go to the same high school as me, even though I had to deal with bullies those years (not as much in grade 12). Now, however, we once again go to the same school and he still calls my name in that voice and I still use the same tactics to deal with it. He does it in front of his friends when I walk by (i'm alone of course) and they probably think of me as a loser with no friends (especially when I act like i'm not bothered, but they can probaly see I am). I even tried avoiding him and I think one of his friends saw me (i wanted to talk to that girl). Eventually, he caught me when he was alone (of course he said my name in that voice when he saw me), and I took that opportunity to ask him why he does that and he told me he thinks it makes me look cool or whatever (not the exact words, but you know). I told him that it bothered me and asked him to stop. He did not stop because he did it yesterday and today. Some of you may be thinking I shouldn't make a big deal out of this, but I guess you need to be in my position to know how it's like.

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