Broken Hearted Forum - Very Complicated Situation

Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum > Very Complicated Situation

Q: Very Complicated Situation

asked by: ACD1987 on September 11th, 2006

New User

Hello, my name is adrian. I need advice about this girl, jen. Ive worked with her from around september of 05 untill this june. And in that time we saw each other a lot, became friends. We would flirt all the time. We both knew we liked each other more than friends but nothing really happend because I was really busy and because of...Well you'll see...

Well around may/june she kinda came out and let everyone know she was bi-sexual. And she told me that she had a girlfriend and that she was on and off with her for about 2 years. If I would have known that earlier, I never would have let myself fall for her. But it was too late, I think I am in love with her.

I dont know what to do, she always says she wants to see me, then she stands me up, then she apologizes. That happend like 3 times. She always says things arent going well with her girlfriend, or they break up for a few days, but then a day or 2 later they seem to be in love again.

I hate all of the drama, I wish I could go back in time and never meet this girl, or learn earlier that she had a girlfriend, but I can't. I can't stop thinking about her, I went on a few dates with other girls, and i'm always thinking about jen. Whenever I see a red bmw, I think about her, whenever I hear here school on the tv/radio, or whenever I hear her name, I think about her. I think about her when I get up in the morning and when i'm trying to fall asleep. I work at a place that does a lot of wedding receptions, so everytime I goto work it makes me sad because im not with her and I want to be so badly.

I don't know what to do. I know we love each other, but i'm sure she loves her girlfriend too even though she's always telling me how unhappy they are. I couldn't imagine myself with any other girl right now. Should I wait for her? Or should I just somehow try to move on? Or any advice on how I might be able to win her over?

Replies(10)

Spirit

replied on September 12th, 2006

Experienced User

Not so complicated......................It's a crush plain and simple.............What do you really know about this person?What do you love about her?The fact that she may or may not love you?Not good enough!
She already stood you up 3xs.............Too much and a major flag as to what is to come....................She has someone and whether it's male or female doesn't matter.................You are interfering in their happiness.............Back off and whatever happens after that is fate..........Don't worry you'll survive and most likely be better off. :)

Melissa_20

replied on September 12th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

I agree with spirit.She stood you up three tmies? I highly doubt that is love.Answer all the questions spirit gave you.You have to look at this situation as an outsider.What would you tell your friend if they were in this situation.You must put aside what feelings you have and make a proper decision.I suggest you give it up and find a new gal!

pinksalter

replied on September 12th, 2006

Experienced User

This is a tricky situation and although I agree with what other people are saying I think this girl is causing a lot of confusion which is making you even more upset. She is using you as a crutch when her relationship goes bad then when everything is all rosey again you are ditched to the side. Do u still see her? If you do maybe you need to be straight with her, tell her your not happy to be used like this, ask if shes interested if not then tell her to quit flirting with you. Sounds like shes getting her cake and eating it. She has to make a choice and that is only if you let her make a choice, do u really want to be second best?

I know how hard this muct be as i`m hurting over someone right now and its not so easy just to say move on. You may find it easier if you don`t see her anymore, out of sight out of mind! Your friends will be there for you to help you through it, I know mine have been a god send. I do believe in fate and as hard as that is to accept right now it might be the only way to comfort yourself, if its meant to be it will be!

If you like her so much tell her what have you got to lose? She can only say no and then you know you are free to find someone who will truly love u.

Good luck xxx

ACD1987

replied on September 12th, 2006

New User

spirit wrote:

not so complicated......................It's a crush plain and simple.............What do you really know about this person?What do you love about her?The fact that she may or may not love you?Not good enough!

She already stood you up 3xs.............Too much and a major flag as to what is to come....................She has someone and whether it's male or female doesn't matter.................You are interfering in their happiness.............Back off and whatever happens after that is fate..........Don't worry you'll survive and most likely be better off. :)

i love how much fun we have whenever were together, how beautiful she is, how friendly she is to everyone, I dont know I just like everything about her. I actually told her that I felt really bad interfering, and she told me not to feel that way, and that she doesnt think her relationship will last.

And no I dont see her much anymore. She asked me to spend the night at her dorm for my birthday, that was the last time I talked to her. But that was one of the times she stood me up. She didnt really stand me up, just cancelled, thats what all 3 were, just cancelations, and she had decent excuses. But that doesnt matter, it still sucks. And she knows I really like her. We both admitted to each other that we had crushes on each other since we met.

Spirit

replied on September 13th, 2006

Experienced User

There's quite a few people like that.............Fun loving, gregarious........Always have a smile for everyone..............But are they reliable?Non-flakey?...........Usually not! She stood you up, or as you say had a "decent excuse" for your birthday....................Hello?!....... ....Birthdays are a major turning point or an emotional time for people especially if your younger.......................If it were me, and you promised to meet me on my birthday and then you didn't, you better have a .Great excuse..........Like your hairs on fire!!!!

But if your still determined....................Call her!, apparently her "crush" is not as strong as your "crush"...................Why wait? Theres nothing worse than wondering........................What if? :)

Makoto

replied on September 14th, 2006

Experienced User

My guess is you come second to her girlfriend. I am also guessing that you are being played dude. You are going to have to cut the line, and do it soon. She is wasting your time, and you are letting it happen.

You have just as much fun with another girl. You need to get rid of this one, and open your eyes and see who else might be giving you the wink and nod.

Be strong, you will be happier sooner.

ACD1987

replied on September 16th, 2006

New User

Im trying to just forget about her, I never call her anymore. Im going out with friends and other girls all the time. Then all I think about the whole time is how I wish I was with jen instead of the girl im with. How do I stop thinking about her??? I hate it. Should I give her some sort of ultimatum? Or wait for the next time she breaks up with her girlfriend and do a sneak attack before they get back together? Haha

Makoto

replied on September 17th, 2006

Experienced User

I would say stop wasting your time and follow our adivce.

But I am starting to think you want to hear these words; go for it dude. You should take what is yours. Break up a couple because you like the girl. Yes she likes you, she is just making your work for it. She is just testing you to see how far or how long she can drag you along. Keep up the good work dude, she is soon going to see how good of a guy you are, and she is going to wanna rock your world.

Now, how does any of what I said above sound likely to happen between you and this girl. My guess is non, but if you want to keep trying then do so. In the end you will realize you have wasted your time, and the advice that you asked for and people here have taken time to give you will be right.

Your choice. Be strong and make the break, or be foolish and waste you time. In the end you are only going to have to follow our advice anyways. The thing for you is it now, or later on after much stress and hassel?

ACD1987

replied on September 22nd, 2006

New User

They broke up for good now. I told her that I was there for her and stuff, and to call me if she ever just needed someone to talk to. I dont wanna move in too fast and seem like a vulture, lol. But I dont wanna wait too long and miss my chance. So how long should I wait? Where do I go from here? Any other advice?

Makoto

replied on September 24th, 2006

Experienced User

You should go now.

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