I have been involved with my current boyfriend for just about a year.

This past weekend, I ended the relationship over what appeared to be a long string of red flags in the relationship that signaled this was leading to an abusive one.

This past weekend we had a huge party all day that we had planned on having for about three weeks. I was down at the local bar continuing the second part of the event when my boyfriend called and said he was coming down. He lives two hours away.

So him and I checked in with each other, and he called me when he was about a half an hour away. I told him that I was going to put my phone on vibrate. So I had a cigarette, and I went out and then it was time for me to sing. So during my song, he called. Twice. I called him immediately after and he was so pissed! He said that by me not answering meant that one I chose my friends and the bar over him, and two that I did not love him and that I disrespected him. He claims that he could have been lost by 20 miles with in those three minutes. Even though he has been to that bar several times. After several attempts to get him to come into the bar to calm down and quit being irrational, he insisted that he stay the night in his car. So I let him and I walked back into the party.

We ended up having a conversation about what had happened sunday night. He was really upset with me over what happened. Apparently he waited outside for me for awhile, and then ended up getting a room because his words, “i left him in the cold”. So we talked. He lectured. And told me how much he loved me and blah blah. Then all of a sudden he tells me how he wanted me to move in, and that I could bring my best friend, and that he wanted me to be his wife and mother of his children. Huh? I never asked for any of that! Then he went on to say about how I would have to move up there and blah blah and that I should do it for us and not stop putting other people as a priority. Then he got on my case because I told him I am my priority. Said I was selfish and that made me one of the “bad girls”. Pretty much I just kept trying to tell him its over and he just kept on. He was pretty pissed.

This is a pretty good example of our constant arguments. Basically when I do something he doesn’t like, he makes it an issue, and its all about how I disrespected him.

The bummer about this whole thing is that if he could better communicate his feelings and frustrations, this might have worked out. But you know what they say; you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. There are just too many red flags for me not to pay attention to. At first I thought these were things we could work on together, but now it’s pretty clear that these issues are deeply embedded and that it will take a professional to help him sort things out. I never had an intention to change him, so I am not going to be a hypocrite and start now. If wants to improve his abilities to compromise and communicate in a relationship, then that’s something he will have to want to do. I am not going to force the issue.

The thing that I am having the hardest time with is what if I did do the wrong thing you know? I know I shouldn’t second guess myself, but what if he is really being sincere and he meant everything he said, and it was not a ploy to get me to stay with him? Am I too paranoid of being in an abusive relationship that I run at the first sign of trouble? It’s hard to tell at times.