Alright so in highschool, I came out as a lesbian after questioning my sexuality for a long time and trying to make it work with guys...

Then my senior year of highschool this guy wanted to date me and I kept telling him no, but then I figured I would just give it a shot. That relationship lasted 3 or 4 months. So this made me change to bisexual even though after awhile in the relationship I wanted to be with women.

I am now dating another guy whom i've been dating for a year next month.
Things were going great for a really long time with no problems. I fell in love with him and wanted to marry him. But then...I ran into trouble again. I dont know why after all this time something like this would come up in my mind though. But I dont enjoy sex with him as much...I find myself wanting to be with a woman. And he sees it, and is now really insecure about it and wont quit bringing it up. I do love him and I want to marry him...But do I want to marry him so I can have the normal life or do I really want to marry him one day. I'm just so confused as to why i've been with him this long and still question myself. Sometimes I feel like i'm not being honest with myself; other times I feel like everything will be fine.
Today we were talking about beautiful people and he would bring up guys and then girls and he was astonished to find I only really found the girls attractive...I just dont look at guys that way. I can see good looks in a guy the way a straight girl can look at another girl and say that she's pretty. But i'm actually attracted to girls. My boyfriend just looked at me and said, "you're a lesbian, arent you..." I just shifted my eyes and looked at the floor.


Very recently (as in the last couple of weeks), we have run into serious problems. He's almost moved out a couple of times because I admitted to him that i'm questioning my sexuality. We're still togehter but I have to admit, I still feel a void somewhere inside me and I dont know why. I love him and I dont want to hurt him. I really want things to work out with us...But...I'm really scared that in the future i'll end up really hurting him 'cause I just cant stay. I already know in my mind that if things were to not work out with us, I dont think I would ever go to another man again. And when I think of my ways, and who i'm attracted to, and that last statement itself, I wonder if maybe i'm just a lesbian trying to have the normal life with a man that would be a good husband and father, who I love very much and who loves me more than anything in the world.

~sigh~ I hate being so confused. Everytime I think I figure it all out, I get another curve ball thrown my way. I've been so unsure for years...You would think that I would have it figured it out by now.