You can't force your partner to do anything she doesn't have any interest in, but you do have control over your own actions, so seeking advice from a professional counselor and looking within yourself a bit will be helpful to you, and it could have an impact on your relationship. People sometimes tend to leap to the word 'abuse' to describe any action they don't like, but if in fact you agree that you've been abusive, you need to find the cause of that before you can have a healthy relationship with anyone.
Sometimes those old adages are so true--before you can make someone else happy, you have to basically be happy yourself. Work on that, and you'll learn more about why you feel and behave as you do (good or bad), and maybe your wife will see that you're sincerely trying to improve yourself and react, but more importantly, you will feel better for taking ownership of your own happiness and emotions.
I feel for you--i'm going through a similar situation, and it's tough. You have to accept a level of uncertainty and try to be the best person you can. Good luck. You're not alone, there are lots of fine people going through the same painful experience.
