I'm replying to this post not just as a person affected by bipolar disorder, but also as a woman. The way your wife is behaving sounds exactly how I have behaved in the past. Three possible explainations follow:
1. My husband was not communicating with me in an open and loving way. I needed a lot more compassion and understanding than he was giving (or giving in a way I understood). It was all his fault.
2. I had undiagnosed (and therefor untreated) bipolar disorder. It was all my fault.
3. Once a month or there abouts due to hormone fluxuations I got depressed - more so than normal. I became very introverted and analysed my life in an extremely negative way. I believed I was an unloveable creature. I felt awful about myself and started looking for evidence which supported my feelings of worthlessness. I would start remembering a bad word here, an argument there, etc. I would look at past discussions in a slanted, negative way. I rationalised that I felt this way because of things my husband had said (even if he never meant them the way I was currently interpreting them). I blamed him for the way I was feeling, without realising how much I was hurting him by doing so. He felt blamed and therfore was unable to show me the love I desperately needed to feel. We were trapped in a cycle of hurting eachother and we were both as lost as eachother.
After leaving my husband and my job I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (my mania reached a point of psychosis and I was hospitalised under a compulsory treatment order for two weeks). Because of a combination of medication, therapy and family support I was able to get through the most painful time of my life.
I now have a job I love and a wonderful partner who I adore and who makes me feel like the most loveable creature in the world - every single day of the month. I no longer suffer the depression that had accented my life and every day I feel so lucky and blessed. This is how life is meant to be.
My ex husband and I keep in touch and had my bipolar disorder been treated earlier in the piece we may have had a chance of staying together, but there was just too much pain there to wade through.
Medication plays a vital role in managing bipolar disorder (and needs to be in place first) but communication, therapy and support are keys in managing relationships. I hope you both come out of this as well as I did - either together or apart. I wish you both the absolute very best.
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