Hun you need to learn on how to let a child cry, put him in his crib and let him cry for 10-15 mins at a time. If a child doesn not learn how to self comfort themselves, they will always be reliant on you and never independant, makes sure you rule out sickness though. Honestly there is nothing wrong with letting them cry for a certain time frame, if I didnt do it neither of my children would have slept, it does bother me so I turn the music on for a few mins and clean (usually he is asleep after.)

another thing you could do is buy a child sling/carrier and walk around the house with baby, personally I didnt like it and I still couldnt clean up. It is up to you but like I said rule out sickness first and then work on others things baby swing also work miracles!!

I totally agree with diamondz. Just let him cry. Know that he's fed, clean, and in a safe place, and let him belt.

Oni just sits there all day long because i've let her cry it out and don't give in to her.

He could also be teething. I know it seems early, but teething can begin at as early as 3 months. Oni has been teething for about a month, but has yet to cut a tooth.

Those baby slings I can't deal with anymore. They make me feel like i'm pregnant again and hurt my back!! Hahahhaa...But I want to get one of those hipster slings for when we go out or walk the dogs.

Anyways, it'll pass if you teach him that him crying does not equal you holding him!!

Good luck girl!!

Sarah

Youre child is way too young to be using the "cry it out" method.

The ferber method is not recommended for children under 6 months old. A baby that young cries for a reason, whether it be they dont feel good or they just need to be held. Babies need affection and attention.
Once a baby is about 6 months, they can then be taught to self soothe, as they do sometimes cry for attention or to manipulate. Your baby could be hurting, so dont just leave him to cry. Talk to your doctor about his behavior.


Here is a great dr sears artcile that discusses why you should not leave your baby to cry. Please take the time to read it.


"the cry is not just a sound; it's a signal – designed for the survival of the baby and development of the parents. By not responding to the cry, babies and parents lose. Here's why. In the early months of life, babies cannot verbalize their needs. To fill in the gap until the child is able to "speak our language," babies have a unique language called "crying." baby senses a need, such as hunger for food or the need to be comforted when upset, and this need triggers a sound we call a cry. Baby does not ponder in his little mind, "it's 3:00 a.M. And I think i'll wake up mommy for a little snack." no! That faulty reasoning is placing an adult interpretation on a tiny infant. Also, babies do not have the mental acuity to figure out why a parent would respond to their cries at three in the afternoon, but not at three in the morning. The newborn who cries is saying: "i need something; something is not right here. Please make it right."

at the top of the list of unhelpful advice – one that every new parent is bound to hear – is "let your baby cry-it-out." to see how unwise and unhelpful is this advice, let's analyze each word in this mother-baby connection- interfering phrase.


"let your baby." some third-party advisor who has no biological connection to your baby, no knowledge or investment in your baby, and isn't even there at 3:00 a.M. When your baby cries, has the nerve to pontificate to you how to respond to your baby's cries.


The cry is a marvelous design. Consider what might happen if the infant didn't cry. He's hungry, but doesn't awaken ("he sleeps through the night," brags the parent of a sleep-trained baby). He hurts, but doesn't let anyone know. The result of this lack of communication is known, ultimately, as "failure to thrive." "thriving" means not only getting bigger, but growing to your full potential emotionally, physically, and intellectually.


"cry…" not only is the cry a wonderful design for babies; it is a useful divine design for parents, especially the mother. When a mother hears her baby cry, the blood flow to her breasts increases, accompanied by the biological urge to "pick up and nurse" her baby. ("nurse" means comforting, not just breastfeeding.) as an added biological perk, the maternal hormones released when baby nurses relax the mother, so she gives a less tense and more nurturing response to her infant's needs. These biological changes – part of the design of the mother-baby communication network – explain why it's easy for someone else to advise you to let your baby cry, but difficult for you to do. That counterproductive advice is not biologically correct.


"it…" consider what exactly is the "it" in "cry-it-out": an annoying habit? Unlikely, since babies don't enjoy crying. And, contrary to popular thought, crying is not "good for baby's lungs." that belief is not physiologically correct. The "it" is an emotional or physical need. Something is not right and the only way baby has of telling us this is to cry, pleading with us to make it right. Early on, consider baby's cry as signaling a need – communication rather than manipulation.


Parent tip: babies cry to communicate – not manipulate

"out" what actually goes "out" of a baby, parents, and the relationship when a baby is left to cry-it-out? Since the cry is a baby's language, a communication tool, a baby has two choices if no one listens. Either he can cry louder, harder, and produce a more disturbing signal or he can clam up and become a "good baby" (meaning "quiet"). If no one listens, he will become a very discouraged baby. He'll learn the one thing you don't want him to: that he can't communicate.


Baby loses trust in the signal value of his cry – and perhaps baby also loses trust in the responsiveness of his caregivers. Not only does something vital go "out" of baby, an important ingredient in the parent- child relationship goes "out" of parents: sensitivity. When you respond intuitively to your infant's needs, as you practice this cue- response listening skill hundreds of times in the early months, baby learns to cue better (the cries take on a less disturbing and more communicative quality as baby learns to "talk better"). On the flip side of the mother-infant communication, you learn to read your infant's cries and respond appropriately (meaning when to say "yes" and when to say "no," and how fast). In time you learn the ultimate in crying sensitivity: to read baby's body language and respond to her pre-cry signals so baby doesn't always have to cry to communicate her needs.


What happens if you "harden your heart," view the cry as a control rather than a communication tool and turn a deaf ear to baby's cries? When you go against your basic biology, you desensitize yourself to your baby's signals and your instinctive responses. Eventually, the cry doesn't bother you. You lose trust in your baby's signals, and you lose trust in your ability to understand baby's primitive language. A distance develops between you and your baby and you run the risk of becoming what pediatricians refer to as a doctor-tell-me-what-to-do. You listen to a book instead of your baby. So, not listening and responding sensitively to baby's cries is a lose-lose situation: baby loses trust in caregivers and caregivers lose trust in their own sensitivity.


Mother loses trust in herself. To illustrate how a mother can weaken her god- given sensitivity when she lets herself be less discerning about parenting advice; a sensitive veteran mother recently shared this story with us:

"i went to visit my friend who just had a baby. While we were talking, her three-week-old started crying in another room. The baby kept crying, harder and louder. I was getting increasingly driven to go comfort the baby. Her baby's cries didn't bother her, but they bothered me. My breasts almost started to leak milk! Yet, my friend seemed oblivious to her baby's signals. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and I said, 'it's okay, go attend to your baby. We can talk later.' matter-of-factly she replied, 'no, it's not time yet for his feeding.' incredulous, I asked, 'mary, where on earth did you get that harmful advice?' 'from a baby-training class at church,' she proudly insisted. 'i want my baby to learn i'm in control, not him.'"

this novice mother, wanting to do the best for her baby and believing she was being a good mother, had allowed herself to succumb to uncredentialed prophets of bad parenting advice and was losing her god-given sensitivity to her baby. She was starting her parenting career with a distance developing between her and her baby. The pair was becoming disconnected. "

Ps- babywearing is awesome! I have a baby bjorn I got at my shower and I love it, and so does my son.


Also here is a dr sears article you may find helpful

11 ways to soothe a fussy baby

babies fuss and parents comfort. That's a realistic fact of new family life. It helps to understand what calms a baby and why. Most calming techniques involve at least one of these four interactions:

* rhythmic motion
* soothing sounds
* visual delights and distractions
* close physical contact and touching

calming techniques (except visual ones) are like re-inventing the womb that baby has been used to for nine months. Here are baby-calming techniques that we have found worked with our own fussy babies, and that we have been able to glean from experienced baby-calmers in our pediatric practice. Remember that your baby has individual needs. Try these techniques as a starting point and improvise. After a few months, you and your baby will have a large repertoire of fuss- busters that work.

8 motions that mellow

1. Wearing baby in a sling
a baby carrier will be your most useful fuss- preventing tool. Infant development researchers who study babycare practices in america and other cultures are unanimous in reporting: infants who are carried more cry less. In fact, research has shown that babies who are carried at least three hours a day cry forty percent less than infants who aren't carried as much. Over the years in pediatric practice, I have listened and watched veteran baby-calmers and heard a recurrent theme: "as long as I have my baby in my arms or on my body she's content." this observation led us to popularize the term "babywearing." "wearing" means more than just picking up baby and putting him in a carrier when he fusses. It means carrying baby many hours a day before baby needs to fuss. This means the carrier you choose must be easy to use and versatile. (we have found the sling-type carrier to be the most conducive to babywearing. Baby becomes like part of your apparel, and you can easily wear your baby in a sling at least several hours a day.) mothers who do this tell us: "my baby seems to forget to fuss." the sling is not only helpful for high-need babies it's essential. Here's why babywearing works:

the outside womb. Being nestled in the arms, against the chest, and near the parent's face gives baby the most soothing of all environments. Mother's walking motion "reminds" baby of the rhythm he enjoyed while in the womb. The sling encircles and contains the infant who would otherwise waste energy flinging his arms and legs around, randomly attempting to settle himself. The worn baby is only a breath away from his parent's voice, the familiar sound he has grown to associate with feeling good. Babies settle better in this "live" environment than they do when parked in swings or plastic infant seats.


Sights aplenty. Being up in arms gives baby a visual advantage. He now can have a wider view of his world. Up near adult eye level, there are more visual attractions to distract baby from fussing. The distressed infant can now pick from a wide array of ever—changing scenery—select what delights him, and shut out what disturbs him. And seen from such a secure perch, even the disturbing sights soon become interesting rather than frightening.


Instant replay. The expanding mind of a growing infant is like a video library containing thousands of tapes. These tapes record behavior patterns that baby has learned to anticipate as either soothing or disturbing. Babywearing mothers tell us: "as soon as I put on the sling, my baby's face lights up with delight, and he stops fussing." the scene of mother putting on the sling triggers a replay in baby's mind of all the pleasant memories she's experienced in mother's arms, and she can anticipate the pleasant interaction that is soon to follow. She stops fussing. She's no longer bored.


Sucking on the move. Sometimes motion alone won't calm a frantic baby; she needs an additional relaxation inducer. Settle baby in a carrier and, while walking or dancing, offer baby the breast, bottle, or pacifier. Motion and sucking are a winning combination that settles even the most upset baby.


Makes life easier for parents. Not only is babywearing good for the infant, it's good for the mother as well. The carrier gives you a comforting tool that usually works. After baby gets used to being worn and you get used to wearing baby, you have more options and more mobility. You'll feel as though you've gained an extra pair of hands, especially around the house, and you can go more places. Baby is content, since "home" to a tiny baby is being with mom, even though mom may be in the middle of a busy shopping center or at a party full of adults.


A baby who fusses less is more fun to be with, and drains less energy from the parents. Infants and parents can then direct the energy they would have wasted on managing a fussy baby into growing and interacting. That's why carried babies thrive—as do their parents.


Familiarity breeds contentment. Living in a carrier keeps infants content because it keeps them in constant contact with the familiar sounds, touches, movements, and visual delights of the parents. Being nestled in a familiar position is especially calming for the baby who is easily distracted and falls apart at the first sight of a strange person or place. The worn baby is always surrounded by things he knows. From this secure homebase, the baby has less fear of the unfamiliar—and adjusts without a fuss.


Proximity fosters calmness. A baby who is worn is in mother's arms and literally right under her face. With this close proximity, mother can teach baby to cry "better." as soon as baby gives a hint that he is about to fuss, mother, because she is right there, can preempt the cry and keep it from escalating into an all-out fit. Being close to your baby helps you learn to read your baby's pre-cry signals so that you can intervene to meet baby's needs before he has to fuss. Baby in turn learns to be more at ease using non-crying modes of signaling since, during babywearing, he has learned that these signals receive an immediate nurturing response.


Babywearing and daycare. Carrie had a high- need baby who was content as long as he was in a sling, but she had to return to work when evan was six-weeks-old. I wrote the following "prescription" to give to her daycare provider:

rx. To keep evan content: wear him in the babysling at least three hours a day. -- william sears, m.D.


How to wear your baby in a sling. Some mothers take to babywearing like a duck takes to water; others may initially find the sling awkward. Also, some babies at first have difficulty settling in the sling. Perhaps they find it too confining. For the best long-term results, get your baby used to being worn in the first week of life, so that she soon realizes that the sling is where she belongs. It takes some practice, but the sling will soon become your norm of infant care. Take lessons from veteran parents who have logged many miles wearing their babies in a sling in various carrying positions and in many circumstances. Find one of these experts to show you how to wear the sling so it's most comfortable for you and most settling for baby. Keep experimenting with various positions until you find one that works; the favorite position may change with baby's moods and motor development. Most high-need babies prefer to be carried in the forward-facing position.


For a busy parent of a fussy infant, a baby sling will be one of your most indispensable infant-care items. You won't get dressed without it.


Babywearing story

"i thought for sure I would have a baby who slept through the night, in his crib, in his room, and that he would awake only to feed and to get his diaper changed. How naive! Jason knew what kind of parenting he needed right from the start. He was truly a fussy baby, and we nicknamed him "more." he screamed if I put him down even to get dressed. He seemed to nurse constantly, and he rarely slept. As long as he was in my arms or nestled on my husband's chest, he was content, happy, and alert. Any deviation from that was a disaster for everyone. A friend of mine recommended a baby sling so that I could have my hands free to do other things and so I wouldn't feel resentful of all the time a baby takes up. The sling was our savior! I loved carrying him, and it allowed me to get other things done. The sling ended the pass-the-baby-around sport that so many parents have accepted as just the way things are. There is no way jason would have stood for being bounced around from person to person for an entire day. An added benefit of the sling was that he was able to nurse anywhere and everywhere while in the sling. We went everywhere with him—weddings, funerals, dinners, grocery shopping, doctor's visits and vacations. Christmas shopping with jason in the sling was a breeze. I can't imagine how mothers maneuver strollers through the narrow aisles in most stores. Everywhere we went people remarked how wonderful my baby was. I always pointed out that since my child felt right and was getting his needs met, he really had no reason to be upset."

I understand that many mommies dont "like" to hear their baby cry. This is why many babies have "arm-itis" and the mommies aren't able to clean, bathe, etc. Without fearing their baby is going to start screaming.

I know every child is different, and I cannot compare .Oni to .Angelo, but I do know that letting your baby cry it out is not as inhumane as many people believe it to be.

The ferber methos is "suggested" to begin at month 6. Not "made" to start at 6 months.

And I don't use the ferber method often, as my child does not cry or beg for my attention/touch 24/7.

There's gonna be alll kinds of opinions and suggested methods of how to soothe your baby.

The best thing is to care and love your baby and know what's best. If you know your baby is safe and fed and is in no physical harm, than it's really up to you wheter you let him cry it out. If you relay crying with being held, the baby picks up on this and plays on it. If you relay crying with no special attention than the baby gets bored and stops crying.

I love cuddling with my baby!! It's the beest experience ever!! Just know that cuddling often and picking up as soon as he/she's lip starts to quiver is totally different.

Sarah

I agree with everything nataliachick7 has said about this. My son just turned 6 months and I still won't let him just cry it out. I can tell the difference between an attention cry. And a cry where something is hurting him. Even if he cries for attention, i'll pick him up just for the fact that he's only this little once and when he hits his teens i'll be dying for him to be that little again, wishing he would cry for attention so I can cuddle him.

I love brayden being a baby, and I won't doubt it if I have like 15 kids just because there's nothing like seeing your baby smile and watching them learn new things so fast. It's priceless and I just love it!

I had a friend named tonya, she had a baby and the baby never ever cried because she knew if she cried no one would come and get her. This friend of mine ended up getting her baby taken away and is now in jail because of drugs.

I think letting your baby cry it out & putting them in a room, shutting the door is a form of neglect, unless it's really nessasary (sp)

Nataliachick7, it is so nice to see someone baby wearing!!! I loved, loved, loved my sling!! My daughter had colic and cried and cried. She never stopped, so there wasn't a 'cry it out' option - she never ran out!! It would only get stronger and, obviously, it didn't benefit anyone - especially her. She was just a little baby.

I got everything done with that sling on! Laundry. Cooking (very carefully!). Dishes. Yard work. I even took her to work in the sling and worked my job when she was 2 weeks old and they really, really needed me there.

You cannot 'spoil' babies with attention. Babies crave attention because it stimulates their growth and development. Babies gain trust in people and their world through close contact. This is also why you should always, always hold your child while feeding them.

Babies are only babies for 1 year. Then they are toddlers. It gets better. Before you know it (trust me!), they won't be so dependent. It gets tiring, I know, but when they outgrow it, you will miss it.

hi, not posted here before being male an all, lol. I have six kids from 18 down to 5 and I have to agree that watching them learn and the wonder on their faces at things as tiny as a flickering light is a joy, plus the fact they believe everything you tell them as they get a little older,lmao.I must say though that if you do always pick them up when they are crying for attention is making a rod for yourself, if they just want attention, yes you can tell the difference, then sit next to them where they can see you and talk to them, that way they get the attention but learn that you wont pick them up just because they want you to.

One question is anyone else as paranoid as me when baby is first born, for the first three months I wake up at night and prod them to make sure they are still breathing,how sad am I .

I'll pick my baby up when he whines because it makes him feel safe & secure, and if picking him up and cuddling him makes him feel safe & secure, i'll continue to do it because I want him to feel like that. I understand what your saying though.

I can't stand to see a baby cry or whine when you can change something to make them stop.

Actually natalia/dalicia I dont agree (but hey whats new)

babies can actually cry because they are tired/overtired, thus baby needs to cry it out until they fall asleep, I have no care how everyone else raises there kid but no kid is the same.



If all kids were written on one page then every kid would be perfect and we would be given a manual to go home(from hospital) on how to raise a child, now thats unrealistic. If all children were raised the same, the cameron would have been walking by now and would have had 5 teeth like elisa at 7 mths, also he would have been saying a few words.



No two kids are the same and honestly(to orginal poster) everything is your choice some kids may need that extra attention, some may just need to cry it out.



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dalicia
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telling people that they are neglecting their child for letting a child cry it out is complete caca

i called child service a few months back to clarify this;

as long as the child is safe, being(crib,playpen etc) a child may cry whether it be to the parents wellbeing, childs wellbeing etc, as long as the parent checks up on the child and ensures their safety, every so many minutes. The parent must ensure that the child is not crying out of hunger or sickness which could result in trauma and other possible side effects.


Anyways it was some jargon along that line but yep people its not >.N.E.G.L.E.C.T

I don't neglect my child at all , yet, I don't pick her up if she crying and i'm doing the dishes. If I just fed, changed, and played with her and I need to do something, i'll let her cry. She normally doesn't though, only if she's waaaay sleepy.

She absolutely loves her jumper!! She will jump herself to sleep!! I swear it'a insane how much she enjoys her jumper. I started using it at 3 months because she was able to hold her head on her own. Ever since then, she's been a jumping fool!!!

There's all kinds of things 3 months old enjoy! I know .Oni looooves to watch the baby einstein dvd in her swing. That always buys me about an hour!! She loooves her walker too! Hell, she even loves just sitting and playing in her high chair! I think it's the view!!

Nobody is doing anything wrong though. No style of parenting is wrong. Maybe it's different than your style, but it's not wrong.

Sarah

I never said any of you were neglecting your child. It's my opinion and I think it's a form of neglect if you let your child cry when you could just as easily do something to make them better.

Some situations I think differently of but my son cries when he's tired. Do I lokc him in a room by himself for him to fall asleep? No, I pick him up make him a bottle of juice and rock him to sleep. If I put him in a room because he's tired & he's crying and if I just let him cry to sleep when he would even be put to sleep faster if I rock him that's just stupid.

I don't believe in letting your child cry it out, I tried it personally and I don't like it at all. You guys can raise your child how you want too, i'm not telling you whats right and wrong but this is how i'm going to raise my son.

I hear what you're saying dalicia. I'm not criticizing the way you raise your child. Everyone's style is the "right" style ya know?

My baby has slept on her belly since she was in the nursery at the hospital, so she can be wide awake when I lay her for her nap. I give her her noonie, and she does the rest. At night is when I cradel her and cuddle with her because it's out special bonding time.

I choose to put her to sleep like this because I want to make it easier for the people who watch her, when I begin to work, to get her to fall asleep. I don't want her to need .O.N.L.Y my touch to fall asleep. I know too many babies that can only be soothed by mommy. Oni is not one of them.

I'm not talking about letting her cry it out in the sleeping matter. I let her cry it out when she's just crying to cry. You know the difference with your child's cries.

I seee waaaaayy ytoo many women having to carry their baby around to do the dishes and I couldn't imagine having to do that. It would be miserable. The older they get, the heavier they get!! Screw that!!

Sarah

what if she is hurting? You dont know for sure.

My child is 4 1/2 months old. I have learned each cry. Her pain cry and her boredom/sleepy cry are totally different.

If you haven't learned your baby's specific cries, it would be of best interst to learn.

Sarah

im glad you are so sure. I feel sorry for any baby that is forced to cry it out. Very sad.

Laziness plays a part in that.

actually, sarah is right. I know bray's hurting cries, I know his attention cries and his tired ones. If you don't know your babies cries then your obviously not paying any attention to him/her.

I'll say this though. Bray has never cried just to be crying. He always cries for some specific reason. Therefor if he's crying i'll pick him up or try to understand what he's wanting. If he dont' quit crying when i've done everything. I'll pick him up and cuddle him, sing to him a little bit because I can't understand baby talk or what he really wants me to get for him.

I don't think babies cry for no reason and I do think it's messed up if someone let's them cry when they can do something to prevent it.

When my hubby isn't at work he's at home with brayden and i. If I have to do the dishes I wait until he gets off of work so he can help with the baby while I clean or make bottles, whatever.

I never said I didnt know the difference between his cries.

My point was, 4 1/2 months is a little young to be "crying it out"

richard ferber created his method for 6 months old and above. He concurs that babies any younger cry for need, not attention.

i know, and I totally get what your saying but even though we think it's messed up. It's her child and what we say aren't gonna change the way she thinks it's right to raise her child. So going on and on about it will do nothing but cause problems.