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Q: Worried And Need Help!
asked by: kicker0927 on January 21st, 2004
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Hi, I am 22 years old and am really worried. I have a 4 year old daughter in another state about 2 and a half hours away. I am currently in college and have about 2 years left to graduate. I went home to visit my daughter a while back and while I was home I slept with someone who I was engaged to a few years back (not my daughter's mom). It was a big mistake and wasnt planned or anything. I just found out that she is pregnant and she wants to keep the baby. Neither of us are in the position to support a child, or in my case another child. I really dont want to be in the same situation I am with my daughter now. I want to be with the next person who has my child. I cannot go back home and finish my schooling, but if I dont then I wont be there as I should be for my child. Also, due to religious beliefs, the woman will not live with anyone till she marries. I really dont know what to do! This was a mistake on both our parts, but it just seems like i'm going to end up paying the most for it! If anyone has had a similar experience please help or atleast give advice! Thanks
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sparklypixie12 replied on January 21st, 2004
Extremely EHEALTHy
This is a tricky one! Im sure u feel like this has kinda ruined ur plans cos ur in college & seem 2 have ervything sorted but,since the woman has decided 2 keep the child,u need 2 decide exactly what ur gonna do b4 its born.
R u really gonna drop ur education? Because u can b a father & have that as well but I guess u want 2 move near this woman & ur daughter.Im not being funny but it doesnt seem right that a woman who's not married & sleeps with some1 can really think it bad to then move in with that person! It seems that u need 2 make arrangements 4 what will happen such as where u will live & where she will live.If u were once engaged to thsi woman & you've slept 2gether & therefore have feelings for each other,do u think theres a chance u will get back 2gether?
I know ur probably feeling in a real mess right now but i'm sure u will sort things out just dont give up ur dreams in the mean time.
Best wishes 2 u
liz
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lee25 replied on January 22nd, 2004
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Re; Worried And Need Help
I agree with sparkypixie, the girl is religious enough not to want to move in until she is married. But she is noe that religious when it comes to sleeping around, that doesn't make sense. I commend and respect you for wanting to do the right thing and be by her. But your schooling is also important, it will be that degree tat will help you better to support your children. Personally I think she just probably wants you to commit to her now that she is pregnant. I understand that it will be hard being away from another child, but you said it two hours away, try and visit every weekend. If you care about her enough to quit shcool than good luck. If I may be honest I would be very careful, some girls are devious and she could just be finding a way to trap you. Make sure the baby is your first, now I don't mean go and disrespect her and call her names. But if your thinking about making a chioce that is going to change your future at least make sure that the kid is yours. Good luck.

It's nice to read about a guy with concerns.
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pdeen replied on January 22nd, 2004
Anonymous
Belief Or Not?
I agree it seems pretty wierd that she wouldn't move in togather
unless married but have casual sex? And unprotected even if she did know you before.
Did she have this belief before?
Do you love each other?
It sounds like ur willing to be a father and be closer but I get warning signs
to from what you wrote.
Iam a little mixed up on her stand.
Is she more so looking for marriage?
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kicker0927 replied on January 22nd, 2004
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Worried And Need Help!
She and I have a past together, yes. We lived together for a couple years when engaged, but that was about 3 years ago. Since then she has taken some wrong turns in her life and now she is very religious. Like I said we both made a mistake when this happened. She was very upset that she let herself do it as was i. She has a family history of endometriosis and her doctor had always told her she didnt have much of a chance of getting pregnant (esp. On birth control). She had a miscarriage once and an aborted once (both not by me). She refuses to abort again, she hated doing that. Anyways, so she quit taking birth control oct. 31 (she wasnt going to have sex till married) then nov. 31 she had period. We had sex on dec. 21 and she didnt have her period. She bought a home test and tested positive. She is not really looking to marry right now. We still have feelings for each other. Im really confused on what to do right now! Sad
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