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Q: a Rant

asked by: AyaMiyaki on August 28th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

I'm sure every one of you have (at least) one person who has never been pregnant but throws all kinds of advice at you about what is best for your body and baby, right?

Well, my very best friend called today while I was trying to get .Aly settled for a nap. I would have just let the phone ring, but I had assumed it was my husband, and we don't have caller id. Anyway, I was too nice to hang up the phone on her, so I was talking to her while .Aly cried (hoping she would take the hint and hang up on *me* instead). But no. Instead, she started telling me all kinds of things to do to calm the baby down. She's never had a child of her own, and has never even taken care of a newborn. She's babysat her nephew a few times, who is two years old, and thinks that she has the answers to everything.

Included in her advice was: "put the baby on her stomach! That'll help her sleep!" followed by "...What is sids?" along with "have you tried rocking her? Maybe she needs to be changed. Is she hungry?" like i'm a complete person and wouldn't have thought of that. Not to mention, she always calls me on her cell phone, and if i'm quiet for longer than four seconds (like if .Aly is starting to nod off) my friend immediately thinks her cellphone cut out on her and starts saying "hello? Are you still there?" *sigh*

and on top of that, the inlaws keep inviting themselves over to the house. The chores are halfway done, the house is a wreck, I look like crap because I barely have time to grab a shower nowadays and I have baby drool on my shirt because the baby fell asleep on my chest thirty minutes before they showed up. I'm tired and self-concious because my house looks horrible, and they start up with "it'll get better soon!" which doesn't help me one bit. I *know* it'll get better in a few weeks. But these weeks are hard, and people calling at all hours of the day and showing up unannounced aren't helping matters any. And the worst thing is, I don't trust myself to be polite enough in telling everyone to please give us some time alone. I'm way too stressed out to do it in a civil way, and my husband is too laid-back to do it for me.

I feel like putting some of that yellow crime scene tape around my house to keep people away, and putting a message on my machine that says "you've reached a very tired mommy. I'm quite busy right now, but please leave a message and i'll get back to you when the baby is sleeping through the night."

Replies(14)

Eyes Wide Shut

replied on August 28th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

How old is .Alyvia now?

That's messed up of your friend to try to dish out advice, yet she's never been a mother.

My baby sleeps on her belly and has since she came home from the hospital. The nurses put her on her belly in the nursery. It also helps with her digestion. She refuses to sleep on her back or side. Until the day she stops sleeping all night...I'll put her on her back.
But i'm sure your baby was just getting plssy because she a tired newborn!! Lol

i promise, the advice never ends!!! Kayoni is 4 months old and everyone tells me what to do with her. "oh, you're feeding her too fast"" shouldn't you burp her now? " you shouldn;t let your baby sleep on her belly" etc etc...

You do what's best for you and your baby. Don't let others tell you how to raise your baby. Kayoni was sleeping through the night at 5 weeks. So some hope is in sight for you!!!

Good luck and I think the answering machine is a good idea. If it's your hubby call him back...Other than that...Spend all the time you can with your new little angel!!

Sarah

Nataliachick7

replied on August 28th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

You as a mother know your child better than anyone. You know whats best for her.
I just smile and nod when people try to give me advice(which is usually terrible) about my baby.

Eyes Wide Shut

replied on August 28th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Lol...Ok, take this for instance.

Oni just realized that there was something for her to actually suck on at the end of her hand. Her thumb. I immedietly take it out. If she does it again, I pull it out again and give her her noonie(which is orthopedic).

Now .Barons mom and grandmaw seem to think that it's ok to let her suck it. They tell me "you're not gonna stop her" "it's attached to the end of her arm" "you're gonna be pullin that thimb out for years." and I told them, whenever you see her do it, please pull it out. Well, low and behold I was eating one night and I could actually .H.E.A.R my daughter sucking hard on her thumb. So I walk into the living room and sure enough, she's suckin hard on her thumb. So I run toher and yank it out. I bit my tongue soooooo effin hard, and just repeated "if you see her thumb in her mouth, i'm telling you to pull it out". I swore I was gonna cure her out because it was like she was letting her do it in spite!!!!! B*tch!!

Anyways, I chose a paci because when I feel she's ready, I can actually take it away. Her thumb isn't going anywhere any time soon. I don't want her to even relate her thumb to sucking/soothing. Ya know?

So just be patient...Which is reaaaalllly hard!! But yoy know what's best...And only you understand your baby better than anyone!!

Sarah

Melissa_20

replied on August 29th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Wow that would get under my skin.I'm surprised at how nice you guys are being.I gve you preops though cause I wouldn't care about being rude to someone who was being rude and annoying me! I would tell them to shove their advise where the sun don't shine and I would definetly say something to them about not following how I want my child raised.

AyaMiyaki

replied on August 29th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Thanks guys, it's really driving me nuts. Lately we've been letting .Aly fall asleep on our chests. We're trying to transition her into the crib once she's asleep, but that only works like 30% of the time. The last couple of days i've just left her there so that I can sleep!

But we're catching all kinds of crap from everyone telling us that we're going to spoil her if we don't stop. What am I supposed to do, let her scream in her crib? She's not even three weeks old yet! All she knows is that she wants her mommy and daddy, and I won't let her sit in her crib freaking out because she's alone. When she's older I have no problem setting ground rules, but for now whatever calms her is what we're trying to do. It's so easy for other people to stick their nose in and say "you should try blah blah blah, you shouldn't do blah blah blah" and go along their merry way. Why don't they try dealing with a screaming newborn for one night and then get back to me?

Sarah: I have a friend that sucked her thumb til she was a teenager. No joke. Good on you for not letting .Kayoni get into that habit! Oh, and .Alyvia will be three weeks on .Thursday. She has a doctor's appointment this morning, and i'm so scared! She's getting vaccinations, and I really think I might cry seeing her in pain! My poor little angel. :(

Melissa_20

replied on August 29th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

ayamiyaki wrote:

but we're catching all kinds of crap from everyone telling us that we're going to spoil her if we don't stop. What am I supposed to do, let her scream in her crib? She's not even three weeks old yet! All she knows is that she wants her mommy and daddy, and I won't let her sit in her crib freaking out because she's alone. When she's older I have no problem setting ground rules, but for now whatever calms her is what we're trying to do. It's so easy for other people to stick their nose in and say "you should try blah blah blah, you shouldn't do blah blah blah" and go along their merry way. Why don't they try dealing with a screaming newborn for one night and then get back to me?

you wont spoil her.My older sister had her baby boy sleep on her chest until he was like 4 months old and he's fine and sleeps in his crib or play pin thing.Don't listen to anyone,just do what you think is best for you and yours.Good luck at the doctors appointment hun!

pixie2007

replied on August 30th, 2006

New User

I think a lot of women have those friends that seem to give unwanted advice. I suppose they're trying to be "friends" and give advice because they feel they need to, but I agree if its a matter they don't have much knowledge in then they should be more of the listener.

lil_blaze2004

replied on August 30th, 2006

Moderator

I hate getting advice from my non-parent friends. Like feck off!! Lol my ex-best friend always tries to tell me what to do. She's 30 and her mom supports her ass, pays her rent, bills, car (a saab) and all she does is smoke weed and work on her album. I'm like you can't even take care of yourself who the f are you to tell me what to do with my kid. Needless to say I got so annoyed I haven't talked to her since we went to t.O to see mich and diamondsz. And we've known each other for about 15yrs. I'm just sick of her. Lol

tigresacanela24

replied on August 30th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

This is kind of related. I had to look for a new doctor because of the drama with my old one. We had our first (and our last) appointment yesterday and the doctor lectured me for like an hour trying to make me feel like a bad mom because i'm not going to get a single shot for my son. I tried to explain to the guy that he can have all of the other ones (i'm not stupid, mind) just not the dpt because we seem to have some family problem with it. When my two little nephews got it their airways shut down and they couldn't breathe, they had to be taken to the emergency room via ambulance and hospitalized. I was 17 before I got that shot and when I got it I couldn't breathe either. I'm not going to take the chance that that will happen to my son. I told the doctor this and the frigging nutter told me that it was a chance that I would have to take. If I already see that there's a good chance my son will be endangered by it there's no way i'm going to do it. People are right when they say that opinions are like a**holes... Everyone's advice is not stellar.

Eyes Wide Shut

replied on August 30th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

As far as letting your baby fall asleep on your chest...That is totally fine girl!!! When .Kayoni was 1st born that's what I did. I didn't start laying her down to fall asleep on her own until she was like a month and a half.

Now I just lay her on her belly and she passes out.

People would always tell me...Oooohh she's gonna get "arm-itis" or ohhh she's got arm-itis. And to tell you the truth...She doesn't like to be held anymore. She's totally past that. Just sit her in her bumbo or jumper and she's fine.

Bookoo people are gonna tell you what and how to do it with your child. You just literally have to let it go in one ear and out the other. If not...You're gonna go craaazy and start to hate everyone.

Everyone one..Mother or not..Is gonna say.."well I would do this" or "you should do this" tell them politely to kiss your @ss!! Hahahaha...

You'll be fine...Just love your baby as much as you want!!!!!!! Don't let what others tell you make a difference in how you raise you beautiful baby!!

Sarah

hopefulmjz

replied on August 30th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

tigresacanela24 wrote:

this is kind of related. I had to look for a new doctor because of the drama with my old one. We had our first (and our last) appointment yesterday and the doctor lectured me for like an hour trying to make me feel like a bad mom because i'm not going to get a single shot for my son. I tried to explain to the guy that he can have all of the other ones (i'm not stupid, mind) just not the dpt because we seem to have some family problem with it. When my two little nephews got it their airways shut down and they couldn't breathe, they had to be taken to the emergency room via ambulance and hospitalized. I was 17 before I got that shot and when I got it I couldn't breathe either. I'm not going to take the chance that that will happen to my son. I told the doctor this and the frigging nutter told me that it was a chance that I would have to take. If I already see that there's a good chance my son will be endangered by it there's no way i'm going to do it. People are right when they say that opinions are like a**holes... Everyone's advice is not stellar.

stick to your grounds girl, because my second cousin who is 1 day older than me is now mentally disabled because of a shot. I don't know which one it was, but it caused him to have a siezure and to stop breathing. So if there is already a chance of that happening, I wouldn't let him get that shot either.

sandyallen

replied on August 30th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

I agree with you tigresacanela24! There are a lot of wanna be dr's out there and I hope you find a good one!

Aya miyaki, don't listen to these people that don't have any experience with raising babies, just say ya, ya, and you have to go take care of your baby and you have business to take care of because isn't worth fighting over and getting yourself upset, they are not worth it and you are tired and have your baby to take care of along with your chores and talk to your husband about talking to them and taking your side, he could say something on your behalf. Just take care of that baby and yourself and try to get a night out, even if you just go to mcdonalds. This is your baby and you do what is right.We are here for you!
The best to you and yours!

Eyes Wide Shut

replied on August 30th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

My man started sticking up for me in those sitations and it helped soooo much. He would see me sitting there trying my hardest to bite my tongue and he would basically say this is what we do and that's that. Reguardless of what yousay, we're not gonn achange our ways. And let me tell you, it's helped. Now people compliment me on my multitasking and how great I am with my baby! So on and so on!!

It'll end....With time..It'll be better!

Sarah

tigresacanela24

replied on August 30th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

hopefulmjz wrote:

tigresacanela24 wrote:

that's crazy!! I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks for your support guys even though I know what i'm gonna do (or not do in this case) I appreciate all of your support. Aya,i seriously think that the message is a good idea! Lol

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