Am I Schizophrenic? How can I cope with Hypochondria? Posted: 08-28-06 05:55am
I'm a horrible, horrible hypochondriac.
When I was a kid I thought i'd get brain
tumors or other forms of cancer, then I
thought I had diabetes and all that mess.
Well, about 2 months ago I used lsa (a
precursor to lsd) and had a bad
experience. I had no visuals or delusions,
I just had bad depression for the entire
"trip" and couldn't sit still. I was a
wreck. This immediately made me think I
had schizophrenia, although when I sobered
up I had no symptoms or anything like
that. About a month ago, I started seeing
little lights in the dark.
Flashes, little dots and an increase in
floaters. I went to my eye doctor and she
said my eyes are fine. I use my computer a
lot (12 hours a day, every day) and it was
concluded that I had really messed up my
vision. But when I saw the flashes the
first thought in my mind was
"schizophrenic!" so i've been obsessing
over it for a month.
I don't have delusions, at all, and I
never see things besides those little dots
or flashes, almost always when it's really
dark inside. My problem is that whenever I
hear a noise from a car outside, or my cat
making noise etc, I immediately think i'm
hallucinating it and going schizophrenic.
I've sat in complete silence before,
turning off everything in my house and
sitting on my bed in the dark to see if I
can hear anything. I never, ever do. I
thought I heard a door opening and
shutting the other day but it could have
been the tv or outside or a number of
things. I've had no confirmed auditory
hallucinations, but i'm constantly
searching for them.
I've been studying schizophrenia a lot
recently and all logic points to me not
having it. But, i'm 18 years old, and I
read that's a prime time for it to start
to develop. I have absolutely no family
history of it. I've used a few drugs
before, which i'm not proud of. I've used
one hallucinogen (salvia) twice and lsa
once. I'm never doing them again, although
I had no bad experiences besides the one
"bad" lsa trip. I've also used cannabis
about 15 times and never had any problems,
and I haven't used it in about 8 months. I
also used these drugs only after I turned
18.
I guess i'm just wanting someone to tell
me i'm not or I never will be schizo, but
I don't think anyone can. I'm so sick of
worried about this. As soon as
schizophrenia leaves my mind, i'll
immediately obsess over some other
illness. I have been pretty depressed, and
my mom thinks i'm clinically depressed.
I'm considering going to a psychiatrist.
Please help.
Also I should mention that when I was a
child I complained of headaches a lot to
get out of school. Not realizing the
seriousness of the situation, doctors did
scans of my brain to check for problems.
When no physical problems were found, they
checked for signs of mental illness. My
question is, if I was schizophrenic, would
the excessive dopamine or whatever have
showed up even then? I was about 11-12.
They ruled out all mental illness and
concluded I was completely normal. I knew
it at the time but didn't realize how much
money it was costing. I think the final
bill was around $5,000.
It doesn't seem likely that you can be
diagnosed with schizophrenia. People
diagnosed with schizophrenia strongly
believe that their hallucinations are
reality and are not aware of the disease.
These people mentally operate outside of
"reality" and live in their own world of
delusive ideas and hallucinations. A young
man like you might consider spend his time
introducing changes to your lifestyle and
to ask for expert help from a psychiatric,
if necessary. Perhaps another mental
health professional can also help you
develop coping mechanisms for the
seemingly obsessive thoughts that you are
experiencing.
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