Scared and confused- I am sorry to hear you are in such a difficult situation. I could not imagine. You say in your post that you were going to tell him that you wanted to separate the day you found out that you are pregnant? In my opinion, a pregnancy then is not a good reason to stay together at all. It would only be harder. If you were going to leave for reasons beyond the pregnancy, then try to put the pregnancy aside and think about if those reasons are still good enough for you to want to leave. And if they are, I would be on my way. As a woman who had an abortion less than a week ago, I can tell you that it is a difficult road. I don't know if you can pass it off as a miscarriage, as they say women can often return to work the next day, but I have not been well at all in the three days since my procedure. Plus, you would have that lie weighing on your mind, and either way he will likely be as distraught about the outcome, whether he thinks it was abortion or miscarriage. And a lot of people misinformed about miscarriage may make unrealistic assumptions that the woman was at fault for the miscarriage, in which case he may blame you anyway. Luckily, so far I feel mostly relieved that I chose what I chose, but I was lucky to have the support of my partner. Do you have a support system beyond your husband? If you do, is there anyone who could help you if you do become a single mom and choose to keep the baby or someone who could help at least you and your child now if you do choose to abort? Is abortion what you really want? I am definitely not a person here to judge anybody for that kind of decision. If you want to talk about it, I am happy to talk with you.

Thanks for the reply, I do have a strong family and friend network I just have not shared this with them yet- some of them would not understand the abortion part although my sister had 2 abortions she is now a more devout christian than I am and told me satan wanted my marriage to end when I told her how unhappy I was a year ago. I would have to tell her more than I care to about how bad the marriage is and I don't want her to hate my husband..I know it sounds silly. Adoption is not an option because he would never sign and keeping the baby with visitation is not an option for me, I have a son that is almost a teenager and have been there and done that. That was one reason I was considering divorce is that he wanted children and through time I decided I didn't want to start all over. Call me selfish but my son is independent now and going back to 24 hour care is not appealing to me. I think you are right about the lying part. He probably would blame me either way because he knows I am unhappy about the pregnancy. I am mad that I was dumb enough to get myself in this situation. Thanks for listening...

Hey girlfriend, I too am sorry you are in such a predicament, but not one that can't be solved. In your post, you stated you did not like/approve of the way he was riasing your own son. What makes you think he would do any better at this one, other than the fact he would probably treat it differently because this one would be biological. I came from a broken home and was a stepchild. I too in later years had 4 stepchildren. I was one of the few who did not show favortism between my own little girl or my stepchildren. I loved them all the same and showed them all the exact same attention/dicipline. As for you not wanting to "start all over' I can not blame you. If you went into this relationship with the assumption that one day you would have a family/child with this guy, then I can also understand his feelings. But as you said, your son is already independent and can do for himself. There is no way I would start over again either. This is a difficult situation that only you can make. Weigh the pros and cons. You have been on your own before, not saying you will stay that way. If you decide to not have this baby and your husband leaves, put those big girl panties on and deal with it. I have all the faith in you in the world..... To me, and I really don't know you personally, butyou are a not one of those wimpy girls who takes what life throws at them, but one who makes things happen with whats thrown at them! I got your back whatever you decide! :d

Scared and confused-you are welcome and I am on here now daily as I have had a lot of kind women be helpful to me, I plan to stay on and help other women. If ever you need to talk, I am here! It sounds to me like you do not have the option of having the baby and going it on your own. Sounds like if you have the baby he will demand to be a part of it's life, am I right? If this is one of the reasons you two are having marriage troubles in the first place, because he wants a biological child. I can understand a man wanting this, but if it is not what you want, there comes that point in your life where you have to live your life for you, and not the people around you. For many people, myself included, making other people happy is what makes me happy, but huge life decisions are not the time to do that. It should be what you want. If he really wants this, then it's best for him to move on and find it with someone who wants the same, especially since I have the feeling there are way more underlying issues that you are not willing to address on this website. How is the mentality of your first child? I just wonder, because it doesn't sound like they've been treated well by this man. As far as not wanting to start over, believe me, I understand that. My husband's vasectomy was/is still scheduled for sept. 1st. We found out august 14th that I was pregnant. Our daughter is almost in kindergarten. We just bought a house, are finally financially stable, soon to be even more so when we lose the close to five hundred dollars worth of day care we pay for each month, and found out raising our daughter so far that she is all that we needed. We want to be able to offer her a future. Not to mention that the early years of her life were very difficult for us. Some people would just call us selfish, and that is fine. But both working full time, wanting to have some resemblence of the life and freedom we had before, fighting over the littlest things, who got more free time, who did more work, etc. We realized that it would be best for us to not have another child. We had been pressured by many friends and family as she started getting older to have another child, and told them all we would not. I will not have another child just to give my child a playmate. If I had another child it would be because I wanted it with everything in me and would love it the same as I had my first. Don't let anyone pressure you into such a huge decision!!! But please think long and hard, no one wants to regret what they ended up choosing down the road. Although sometimes all roads lead to some kind of heartache.