Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

What Goes Through a Bipolar Person's Mind? (Page 2)

Must Read
Do you know what bipolar is exactly? And what types of bipolar do doctors classify and diagnose? Learn more basics about bipolar disorder here....
Can stress put you at risk of developing bipolar disorder? Read here for information on risk factors which increase the likelihood that someone becomes bipolar....
Bipolar is difficult to diagnose as an illness ... but bipolar symptoms are usually accompanied by extreme changes. What are the symptoms of bipolar disorder?...

October 13th, 2007
Evil or Very Mad Supposedly, I have the label of bipolar...yet, what you describe is exactly what I get from the one who doesn't have the label. Behavior is not a mental illness, it is instead about the person deep down. Or, I should say that being mean isn't part of any mental illness, it a part of the person that is mean. In defense of bipolars everywhere....maybe we wouldn't have the illness, save that it is activated by being in the company of people who have serious behavioral disorders. Rolling Eyes
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 5th, 2007
You Are Not Responsible For Another Person's Behaviour.
As someone who has suffered from mental illness and treated ex partners badly, I will tell you that no-one can blame their illness for how they treat people. Often people with mental-illness are highly sensitive and over thinking. This makes them critical and paranoid of other people. Often people with mental-illness have developed negative attitudes about life over time.

It took me being on my own and coming to know God and realising that only He can love me unconditionally that made me realise that I needed to take responsibility for my actions. Instead of reacting to whatever emotion or feeling I am feeling at the time, I have learnt to control my impulses. This takes therapy, reading and a lot of prayer. I used to think that people should understand what I'm going through and put up with what I was doing because 'I couldn't help it'.

Please, don't ever feel bad for saying you don't want to be with someone with bipolar, mental illness or substance abuse problems. It is good if you want to support someone to get help, but it is not your responsibility to carry them through life. Everyone has things to deal with and we need to be in relationships that help us to be the best we can be. If someone is pulling you down, you will not be good for anyone. Don't let people put a guilt trip over you. If someone is treating you badly it's because they have not learnt to regulate their behaviour and that's something everyone can learn, no excuses.

It's not being judgmental to state the facts of a situation. The truth is hard to hear but it sets people free.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 6th, 2007
I Hope I Can Help You...
Hello.
My name is Sarah and I have been diagnosed as a bipolar for more years than I care to share. Most misconceptions is that all bipolars are the same. We are not. Like a cold, there are similarities and differences with every case. Some are irritating, while some others are violent. It depends.

Also, people with bipolar have extreme "highs" and "lows". (Usually on cycles.)When we have a moment in between a "high" and a "low" cycle, we are basically who we really are. Who we would have been if we weren't bipolar. I was so nice and caring, fun and absolutely a pleasure to be around. In my "high" cycle I was the LIFE OF THE PARTY!!! Good?

NO! Highs are as dangerous as lows. With me, my "low" cycles were where I wouldnt get off the couch unless I needed to pee. Days or weeks without showering, not answering my phone - total seclusion.

My "highs" were days, weeks, even months of drinking, partying, lot's of sex, and NO responsibility. I was always looking for adventure and felt UNSTOPPABLE! (Which in college, was over looked, and people assumed I was just fun and crazy. WHOO HOO!) That was until, at one of my MANY parties, I decided to hang off my 3rd floor apartment's balcony without clothes on, and almost fell to my death, because I thought it would be fun. After this incident, my boyfriend Van, now husband, talked me into going back on my meds.

And I was great. For about a year.

A year later we were living together and since everything was fine - I was cured and didn't need my meds anymore. So off I went. Everything was fine - to me. Granted we fought often before, but now we fought EVERY SINGLE DAY at least once a day. I thought it was normal - every couple fights..right? But not like this. I had no censor button, if it popped in my head, I said it. No matter how mean or hurtful it was.

It was during lunchtime when we would normally go home and have lunch together. I don't remember what it even was, but something set me off. I started to yell and fight with him. And In the middle of our fight Van needed to go back to work, so he told me he loved me and to call him later when I was ready to be civil and he calmly left. Of course to me, he just walked out on me in the middle of a fight and didn't care about me at all. So as soon as his car left, I called the apartment manager said my purse was stolen at the bar last night and I needed to change the locks IMMEDIATELY. Within an hour I had new locks and called my best friend Kitty, to tell her about how I won. (No man was going to make a fool of me and get away with it.)

As I started to tell her what went on, she said that she would rather hear about it in person, and she came right over. When she got there I told her the rest of my story. She just looked at me and politely but honestly said she loved me unconditionally and nothing would EVER change that - but I was getting scary. Of course I immediately thought she was against me. And when I started to get upset, she simply lit her cigarette (and one for myself), put her hand on mine and told me she wasn't going anywhere, I could do my worst. (I was dumbfounded to say the least.)

Then we just talked - well - she talked and I cried. I cried because she was being honest with me and I knew deep down that she was right, I was basically being a terror. After hours of talking, she called Van and told him to come home. When he got there (and his key didn't work) Kitty went out into the hall and told him that we were calmly going to talk. Not gang up on, just talk. He was going to say his peace and then she was going to say hers.

After we talked for awhile, they told me that I needed to stay on my meds PERMANENTLY, and if I would like, they (both) would come with me to talk to a therapist. (We went together for a LONG time.)

I never thought I had a problem. I thought everything I did (stupid) and said (mean and sometimes downright hateful) were totally rational or deserved. (Looking back I was SO NOT!) Unfortunately I never saw the mean things I said or did until it was too late.

As a bipolar I can tell you that as long as I am talking my medication and talking to a therapist (generally with my husband these days), I'm fine. Most people don't even know. I generally appear happy, outgoing, and the most "normal" person ever.

Remember, I said - WHEN TAKING MY MEDICATION.

I was lucky enough to have people who loved me, no matter what I was putting them through. A man who was strong enough to stand up to me - numerous times, a mother who (bless her heart) did what needed to be done in the first place to get me diagnosed, and a best friend who was COMPLETELY honest with me time after time, even when I didn't want to hear it.

The only thing I can tell you is, from a person with bipolar, please do all you can to help them. They don't always know what they are doing or to what extent, (at least in my case.) If they don't listen, keep trying. If you need to, go for outside help, whether that might be their parents or family, a psychologist, a member of the church, or a best friend. Be honest with them, tell them specific incidences which they did or said something AND how it made you feel. Be calm but firm.

Remember that until they understand their own condition and want to get better, they won't, and that is never your fault. You need to listen to yourself, nobody knows what is best for you, than you. If you feel that you have done all you can, and don't want to do it anymore, do not feel bad at all. It is just a personal decision that you must make. (They will hopefully understand someday.)

Even if the person gets the help they need, it is a constant battle everyday. (Hell I've gone off my meds many, many, many times before I fully understood it.) To expect anything else, is unrealistic.

But make no mistake, I am not telling you to tolerate violence. If they get violent, or physically harm you in ANY WAY. Call the police, press charges on their ass, and don't look back.

Don't worry, the court will make sure that they seek professional help. Smile


I hope I am able to help you. If you have any questions for me, feel free to ask.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 6th, 2007
Awesome
So, basically, what most "normal" people here seem to be suggesting is that relationships with bipolars are to be avoided at all costs? Awesome - that's just what I wanted to hear. I am 18 years old, diagnosed with bipolar, anxiety, and adhd, and these statements are not what I needed to read.

Please, "normals", tell me why I should continue to live if no one will love me (NOT A SUICIDE THREAT). When someone with bipolar hits a low mood, hope is one of the hardest things to hold on to, but often the only thing that pulls us through. But, if we're that unloveable, what's there to hope for? More than anything in the world, I hope to find someone who loves ME...even the bipolar part of me. We have to deal everyday with the knowledge that a majority of our emotions aren't "valid" or "real" - try to think about how hard it is to then understand which ones are, or to accept that the pain you feel and cause is for nothing. Now, imagine reading a quote like this:

Adnor: "...you may think if you leave someone else will come and give him what he needs and then you will feel like a failure for not being able to make him happy. I give you my word, that he will only go from one destructive relationship to another."

How would you feel after reading that? I know I am hurt by it, scared of its truth, and sad for the future of loneliness it tells me I will have.

Oh, and may I also point out that mental illnesses rarely exist in isolation - where there is one there are general others. Did it occur to any of you that these "bipolar exes" or current relationships are displaying symptoms of disorders like anti-social personality in addition to bipolar disorder? Sociopaths have greater tendencies to continually, day-in and day-out, abuse without guilt or regret than bipolars do.

Really, what I enjoy most is the picture you've painted of those of us with bipolar disorder; selfish, whiny, abrasive, crazy, and immature. Gee, thanks! By admitting that you knowingly started or continued a relationship with a bipolar, you forfeit the right to act like you were the victim. No one forced this on you, the way the disorder was forced on us. And love is never easy - get over it. Even at 18 I already can tell you that. But don't pretend you never ever deserved any of the bipolars anger or comments. Not every one of our emotions stem from mixed-up chemicals.

So thanks for helping to make it that much harder for us to hope in spite of bipolar disorder. I wish this post weren't so emotional, but you hit a pretty tender nerve and were completely out-of-line in reference to this forum's goals, sympathy and empathy. I, for one, intend to chose to hope that I can be loved, because I KNOW I can and do love.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank LostCausesandLies for this post: ticoza  ticoza 

replied January 17th, 2012
All i can say is WOW! I could not have said it any better! I am one of the extremely lucky people who has had an amazing man come into my life. at first he would tell me that bipolar is not real if you do behavior modification and learn how to control your anger you will be fine. Well, i got diagnosed several years ago and am now 38,well in the past couple years my episodes have went from bad to horrible i am like an extremely fast moving roller coaster episodes seem to come so quickly, last much longer , and now i have been getting physical with my fiance. And after giving him some sites to read up on the wonderful genes i have inherited and with that info and experiencing it first hand he now has a different outlook and now understands that its not a controllable thing. I can not say how wonderful he is..after what i have done to him and put him through he is still here. He tells me 100 times a day how much he loves me and that hes never leaving he wants to be the one to help me through and be by my side especially during my bad times. He knows I love him and he knows i dont mean to do the things i do. even when i am at my worst and believe me its gotten bad, he still buys me flowers {which i get once a week}and he will text me when hes working in the garage just to tell me he loves me, slow dances with me in the kitchen or where ever when i am doing laundry or dishes or whatever it is i am doing he just turns me around holds me dances with me and tells me he loves me and again he does this no matter how i am.
So to you who think you know whats going on...if you dont have bipolar then you dont and never will understand ...For those who have been or are with someone with bipolar, you think your going through hell you should be us and feel the extreme rush of anger,depression,and highs that we feel that hit like 10 tons of bricks and you dont realize whats happening until its all over whether its a day or three it just hits so fast and so hard that we have no time to stop it.Think of a car accident driving down the road and someone, who you didnt see, runs a stop sign at 40mph and hits your car, imagine how hard the impact is and how you had no idea it hit till it happened and knowing you had no control!!
And if your not a doctor then dont tell us how we should act and what we need to do control these episodes because if you knew anything you would know that "ITS UNCONTROLLABLE!!"
meds to help but everyone knows that meds are not a magic cure they may calm things down but they dont stop it from happening I know i take several different meds several times a day and you dont even realize how frustrating it is to have to take a pill to feel "NORMAL" and how we have to disrupt our lives to see counselors and psychiatrists all the time.
So, be there for someone who is bipolar, love them , and show them you love them, because i am sure they love you just as much if not more. It is a very hard road to travel i know and so does my fiance but no matter what i do to push him away he just gets closer. I told him i want him to leave because hes amazing and doesnt deserve this ride he deserves to be happy all the time and not just some of the time..He tells me he is happy all the time and he loves me and will not leave says the more i push him away the closer and harder hes gonna hang on to me because he needs me as much as i need him,,he was like all you who say we are crazy and after being with me and seeing it first hand he completely changed that outlook and sees how it actually does affect us and realizes how much we need that one special someone to be there and how it takes one special person to not walk away...he is my special someone!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 9th, 2007
Here's my bipolar perspective:

In manic mode, I feel like god incarnate. My poetry, guitar playing, even thoughts are ahead of everyone else. I hate the world for being "below" me. I can't focus straight and my thoughts are analgous to racecars. When I go to the gym, I am a maniac and have basically no physical boundaries, which is awesome (and scary). I can have sex for hours at a time. I am charming and charismatic. But women are so dull. People in general are so exceptionally...unexceptional. Sex doesn't get me off. I need infinitie mental stimulation. I get by on 3-4 hours sleep. And I can repeat the madness day after day. I can read about 5x more normal reading speed. My intelligence multiplies exponentially. I am creative! I can sit down and write for hours. I get new ideas. I liken myself to Freidrich Nietzche's overman. Sometimes I feel bipolars are ahead of the race and are labeled so because everyone else hasn't caught up yet.

Then, depression. This one's simple. I want to die, and I spend all day in bed trying to sleep but can't half the time. Or maybe I am sleeping. But there's no difference between sleeping or awake because all I want is death. I think of fun and interesting ways to end my life which brings a little bit of solace. Maybe I'll go join a war and earn a few medals! Blow some heads off woohoo! or maybe I'll try to fly; be the first one. Loved ones force me into my daily routine, but I end up crieing as I go to school or work or even eat. It's quite embarassing and makes me feel even more suicidal. All I want is to sleep forever in my nice cozy bed.

Then there's medicated, which is the closest to "normal" I have ever been. I "need" to be medicated to bring myself down to society's ignorant level. And the medicine that works best for me, whether it's acknowledged by the pompous self-righteous medical community or not, it an illegal one. The most disgusting thing about man is his arrogance. Clinging to "facts" and "research" that will crumble as fast as ancient ruins of the past. Remember when it was once believed that the world was flat? Or that you could tell a man's intelligence by the bumps on his head? Or that redheads were witches? 300 years ago. In the grand scheme, a mere hiccup in time. Mankind makes me sick. The worst part, the "mentally ill" as they call us, are responsible for mankind's greatest achievements. Winston Churchill, Van Gogh, Beethoven, Keats, Roger Waters, and countless others. The same who you would cast aside and label mentally handicapped are responsible for your greatest works of art and finest moments in history. Without us you would still be throwing !**@! at one another and drawing stick figures in caves. Or would have been eradicated long, long ago.

Imagine living with thoughts like these daily (to varying extents).. Try to imagine a bipolar loving himself. Not easy, is it? Try to imagine the lonliness of a bipolar. Try to imagine how a bipolar can communicate "truth" in the way a "normal" person percieves it. Bipolars struggle daily to convey truth to their loved ones, and spend their entire lives looking for it. A sad affair. Then ask yourself if you can let go of your conventional wisdom and drag yourself into the eye of the bipolar storm. If you answer yes, then you are ready. If not, stay far, far away from us.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank EndlessApathy for this post: ILoveRainyDays1965 

replied November 10th, 2007
EndlessApathy thank you for your words. I can't imagine what goes through the minds of someone who is bipolar. Just last week my b/f who is bipolar said to me that he wished that he could put his brain in my brain so that I could see what goes through his mind. He was told by a Doctor about a year and a half ago that he was bipolar and he went crazy. He got very angry because of fear of being 'diagnosed' bipolar and what his exwife could do with that. In the meantime, he is hurting his son and everyone else in his life that loves him. I cry right now as I write this.

You wrote "try to imagine a bipolar loving himself." That is so true, my b/f destroys everything good because he doesn't deserve it or isn't worthy of being loved or happy. I'm so sad for him and I love him very much. I try to really encourage him and build him up. I see a man who is very loving deep in his heart and struggles because he never felt loved by his father. My heart hurts for him because of how he hurts himself and others. Sometimes he can be so tender and loving. Usually it's when its just he and I and we sleep together at night and he will just hold me so tightly. He always holds me or I him when we are asleep. I guess for me because I never know day to day if that night when we awake we will be apart yet again. Many times will we are asleep, he will awaken and hold me tightly and tell me that he loves me so much. Is this really him? Or like last night when going through one of his cycles, he didn't want to have anything to do with me and when I asked him, do you love me, he said "NO".

I promised him in the beginning of our relationship that I would not try to 'change' him. That only the Holy Spirit could change him and that I would love him unconditionally. I didn't know then that my sweet guy was bipolar, but through thick and thin, good and bad, I do love him. I just don't know how to help him to get the help that he so drastically needs. His health is not good, he self medicates and drinks too much alcohol.

My fear I guess is that one day our 'breakup' will be real so every time we go through it, I'm afraid that its the end this time. You said ask yourself if you can let go of your conventional wisdom and drag yourself into the eye of the bipolar storm, my answer is yes....so what now?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 30th, 2007
EndlessApathy

Wow! U hit it right on the spot. The manic stage is the same for me as u described it. With little sleep and so much energy. It feels like I am superman and I can do anything, I feel like I have powers and am untouchable, One time i thought I could heal people by mind and touching them. I forget to eat. I also agree with the sex part it's like I can go for hours and I too need the mental stimulation. I write poetry draw sing I can rhyme any time I want to. I get so creative I too draw with pastels, charcoal, oil, water colors, pencil anything, I start making things out of clay. I agree with how u said they label the creative people as mentally ill look at salvador dali he was awesome and they call him crazy. I dress really crazy and bright. I love it! I don't think people who aren't bipolar get to experience this high.
Then with the depression it sucks. I don't get out of my bed just like u said whether I'm sleep or not, sometimes i sleep the whole time and other times i don't and sometimes cry. I don't want to communicate with anyone or go anywhere, I don't like the way I look, how my clothes look on me, I want to die but suicide is against my religion which i am so connected to.
I also get an angry state where everything is bothering me and everyone is annoying to me, I yell and hit people, I love to break things, I use to take crowbars to my doors, I broke so many doors, punch the walls throw things, I use to tear my room up, break the dishes throw people's things in the trash, my family had to restrain me, I would punch myself pull my hair and bang my head on the floor til it bruised. Luckily this has not happened this severe in a long time, I started practicing relaxing exercises like working out and my belief in God has helped me a lot. Now when I'm angry I stay to myself. I need to work on my speech, I use to say the meanest things to people things u really don't say and now I don't say real mean things it's just that I don't lie and say what's on my mind and I don't know how people take it.
Then I get my paranoid state. I think someone is watching me, like from my window. I have uncontrolable fears and thoughts and I think because I think something it may happen so then I pray for God to take these thoughts out of my brain. I get compulsive. I have had hallucinations. I worry about those closest to me. I get all these signs like I'm being communicated to. These feelings are uncomfortable. See when I'm depressed i feel heavier like I gotta drag myself and backaches, stomach aches. When I'm manic I feel so light and free I can do anything. When I'm paranoid I still feel like i have that power and i can control things but it's scary like i'm going to do something bad. My body feels ok though.
Medication I do not like, I like my mania. Meds make me tired and sick. I don't want anger depression or paranoia but i don't like the medicated feeling. I ran to illegal stuff too. I self medicated. It solved my issues for that time being but I don't know the long run.
I have been put on seraquil, abilify, depakote, lamictal, trozodon, zyprexa, topamax, zolaf and rispredol through my life time and i never stick to any of these. I just want to say that what really has helped me is my belief, higher power. Praying is my answer. Also positive thinking.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 30th, 2007
when it comes to relationships i do think dating a bipolar is going to be a little different then someone who is not. I have done and said things to my ex bf's but at the time I was yelling or whatever i sometimes could not control it or thought i was right. When I look back at it I could of handled things differently or never even been put in the situation. Something that made me think is that they say those who live with a bipolar go through so much and is painful for them. I think in some cases u can have a good relationship if there is love, honesty, trust and affection. If both care about each other's wants then it wont go wrong. When someone lies or does something the other gets mad now with a bipolar that mad is khaos. If that trigger isn't pulled it's all good. Depending on what stage of bipolar this person is can also be a factor. If it's one that goes through depression then the "partner" needs to understand that stage may come and figure out what they can do best. If the person gets angry episodes then they need to know it is just as hard for the bipolar as it is for them or maybe worse, they should understand what is going on inside and help ease things.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 30th, 2007
I'm wondering about the same things as the original poster, to tell the truth. I think the question really was, do bipolar people remember everything about their episodes? Do they remember nothing? Is there no way for us (non-bipolars) to talk to the bipolar person about what has happened to try and see if things will work better next time?

I'm not bipolar - I don't know! My husband has finally come out of his first manic state, and I want to talk about what has happened, but I don't know what his thoughts are on it. He acts like nothing has happened, and I'm almost afraid to say anything because I'm afraid that it'll trigger another episode. Does anyone have any ideas on communication after bipolar episodes?

Thank you!

Coal
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 2nd, 2007
Re
adnor, your message makes me feel stupid and hopeless. I am a bipolar, diagnosed a year ago. I am 18, I have never seen myself like you have described biupolars, I had never even imagined someone could see me in such a bad way. However, i do recognize myself in bveing pessimistic during my depressive state. BUt aren't yoiu also...you've said you were diagnosed with depression. Yes, then I may be hard on my family. But otherwise i take my medication, i don't despise other bipolars like your ex seemed to do and I would never consider stopping taking my medication.

as for you mica, you should leave him, or try to contact his psychiatristm if you reallly want to help him outr of it. What I remember about when I said hurtful things is that I felt very powerful, I felt in my own right, and I never thought I was wrong or doing something wrong. I was always defending my rights and fighting for justice. Hope this helps.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 2nd, 2007
Re
adnor wrote:
read my link “if you are thinking about dating someone that is bipolar, read here first”.


You are playing the co-dependent role. I know I have been there. You cannot fix him. No matter what you do. I was abused verbally and put down for 10 months. It was constant. And if he wasn’t doing it directly to me he was talking about someone else negatively. It was horrible. Get out while you can. I love my ex dearly. I have tried reaching out to him numerous times, but he is mean, spiteful and vengeful. It’s been 15 months since we broke up and I only went out with him for 10 months. He is the most destructive person I have ever met. I pray and cry for him every day. But you’ re getting caught up in a cycle and trust me, its never ending.

A friend put it to me this way, do you remember the movie silence of the lambs? Jodie foster was trying to figure out who the killer was but couldn’t, so what did she do? She went to pick the mind of another killer, because only he was the only one that could understand the other killers crimes. Same with bipolars. You will never understand the bipolar mind unless you are bipolar. Not even they can fully understand their illness. The medication does not cure them, it only keeps them stable. They don’t think rational so you will drive yourself crazy trying to think why they act a certain way. You are thinking rational with someone that thinks irrationally.

I can tell you right now that the most important thing for any person with the bipolar illness is stability. In their life, their home and employment. Any small change can set them off. My ex lived in the same condo for 13 years. When we moved into his new home it sparked a manic stage and all hell broke lose. He wasn’t sleeping, and became completely irate over everything. It took me a long time to accept that he is crazy. I hate saying that word because of its negative connotations, but the fact is he was just wired wrong and right now the medical community doesn’t know enough about this illness to cure it.

I realized if this was how he was on the medication, why risk marrying him and having children with him, when one day he can just decide not to take them anymore and do something really harmful to me my family or himself? It’s not worth the risk. And having a relationship with someone that is bipolar is risky. They are ticking time bombs and he even admits to that. He told me numerous times that if something ever happened to his parents he wouldn’t stick around, he would have no reason to live. Why do I want to hear something negative every day of my life or worry about him doing something stupid? I am not his life preserver and really that is what they want. They will tell you how horrible everything is, suck you in and get you hooked and then blow you off. Life is too short for that. Let him go while you can. I would suggest a good therapist to break your co-dependency. I btw am also clinically depressed. I was diagnosed with depression a couple of months after I met him. But I got the proper help and no longer have to take the medication. Bipolars on the other hand can never go without the medication.

I honestly thought I couldn’t love and move on with my life without him. But now I have this incredible man in my life. We go jet skiing, boating, atv riding, motorcycle riding, dinner at fancy restaurants, etc. My life is exciting again, without worrying about someone else’s state of mind constantly or waiting for the next ball to drop. You don’t want that because you deserve better. And you are right, so does he. You may think if you leave someone else will come and give him what he needs and then you will feel like a failure for not being able to make him happy. I give you my word, that he will only go from one destructive relationship to another. In fact the more you address his illness, the more he will resent you for it.

Take the advice from my bipolar ex himself, who once told me after my daughter (from another relationship) found an ice skating pair partner who was bipolar as well to skate with, my ex’s response was, are you crazy? I would never let my kid skate with someone that was bipolar. Thankfully that partnership never worked out. He told me being bipolar was like wanting to crawl out of your skin. Constantly thinking of ideas non stop. Not sleeping for days. Inappropriate sexual thoughts. Hating the world, hating your life. It’s a constant roller coaster in one’s mind. You can love this man and you can direct him into help, but don’t allow him to cut you down so much you lose track of who you are. You can love him just as much by being a friend without getting over involved.

-hope this helps

-adnor

this is the message I replied to in my previous message
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 3rd, 2007
I just want to say how helpful everyone's posts have been, and that I am relieved to know that there are people who have gone through the same thing as me. As I write this, my heart is broken, and I have never felt more alone and confused.

I went into the relationship with my boyfriend with great reluctance, not because he was bipolar (didn't find out about this until later), but because he was my ex-boyfriends best friend. But he would not give up, he called me up inviting to cook me dinner, asking how I was, etc. He knew I was upset over his best friend and I was at a very low point in my life. My nephew was battling leukemia, and college was not going well for me (he is 31, I am 21). He was there for me; the most kind, generous, affectionate person I have ever been around. I gave him a hard time at first, resisted him and tried to tell him I wasn't interested in a relationship now, or maybe never again. He kept persisting, and was always there when I needed him, which many many times I did.

Ultimately I fell in love with him--hard. He loved me like no man ever had, and put up with many of my stupid decisions. But he couldn't deal with the fact that I wasn't like his past girlfriends....I didn't call him ten times a day, I didn't beg to move in or come over all the time, I didn't like cuddling or mushy romance. I had emotional walls built, no doubt, and it killed him that he couldn't get through--I told him to give me time, I was still trying to get over my ex, and if he couldn't understand that, we needed to break up. He assured me that he wanted to be there for me for anything, that I was worth it. I warned him again and again that I wasn't at a good point in my life, he wouldn't give up and helped me get back to a good place in my life. We were so happy for a long time, spending almost every day together, and no one had ever made love to me until he came along. I grew to love him more than I ever thought possible.

Things took a very bad turn for the worse when my family was told that my nephew's chemo was not working anymore and that his blood was 85% cancerous. He started getting paranoid about me cheating on him. He began drinking heavily again and not taking his meds. It got so bad that one night he yelled at me for 6 hours straight while he held me down, telling my "fear" to get out. It was one of the scariest things I've ever experienced, and his neighbors eventually called the cops, even though I begged him to calm down and stop yelling. To this day, he blames me for the cops coming. They took him to the hospital and he was taken to rehab. I called him everyday and picked him up when they released him, took him home with me for Thanksgiving the next day despite everything, despite the bruises on my arms and legs from where he held me down on the floor. He never showed much remorse for what he did, and still thinks that I started the fight and that he was justified in holding me down, even when I was the one trying to calm him down and talk to him. He wasn't making any sense whatsoever, grandiose and talking about things from his past, asking me at one point if I was going to kill him. That night was one of the worst in my life...to think that someone so kind and affectionate who I never, EVER believed would hurt me could turn into someone so violent and angry. I still cannot understand it. But we kept on our relationship even though he became verbally and emotionally abusive, waiting until I was crying so hard and so upset, then he would calm me down and tell me everything would be ok. I told him I wasn't going to leave him, that I wanted to help him because he had helped me so much. But no matter what I did, he still called me selfish and said I didn't want to help him.

Just last night he called me, I had texted him Thursday, after he called me at noon and he was happy, chatty, and telling me what he was going to change about his job. He never asked how I was doing. He had to go, so I let him, he called me back and I couldn't answer, so I called him back about an hour later. He was depressed, talking about leaving and never coming back. I was confused and asked him what had happened, he was happy an hour ago. He refused to talk and told me I was being confrontational. He hung up on me. I was hurt, I just wanted to help and he pushed me away, after constantly telling that I never tried to help him. So I sent him a text saying we needed time apart for him to sort things out, I couldn't handle this much emotion right now with my nephew being very ill. He has very good friends so I didn't worry about him too much.

He called me the next morning but my phone was turned off. He left a message saying he was leaving town and the bank was coming to take his condo. At this point, I was taking everything he said with a grain of salt. I didn't call him back, knowing it would only lead to a fight. He called me once everyday for 3 days and left a message on the third, asking how I was. It was nice to hear his voice and I missed him so much so I called him back. He was strange from the start, telling me to move on and get over it. I begged him to listen and kept telling him how much I wanted to be with him.

So he said 'well, its too late, I've already slept with someone else'. I cannot describe how I felt at that moment, my heart broke. He was never the kind of person who would cheat on me, he told me it would never happen. We always feared that I would be the one to be unfaithful because I have had promiscuous relationships in the past and he is insecure about men constantly hitting on me.

But he didn't even break up with before he did this, and told me that was the only way he could break up with--by sleeping with someone else. I am still in shock that he could something so hurtful to me, especially when he knows I was at the hospital all weekend with my nephew. It hurt so much, then he acted like he didn't care about me at all and kept saying 'we had a good time, move on'. Then he called me every name in the book, names that I never dreamed he would call me.

The real problem that has me terrified is I think I might be pregnant, and I told him this last night after he confessed to cheating on me. He didn't seem to care, but I told him I never wanted to speak to him again. I am afraid he will call me, and I might answer. I do not want to talk to him. Half of me believes I will never see or hear from him again, the other half believes he will call to find out if I am pregnant. I am too scared to take the test alone, and I don't know what to do if it is positive. Do I tell him? He is completely irrational, mean, hateful, and out of control. I still cannot believe he would sleep with another woman after he told me how much he loved me, that he would never hurt me, and that he had been looking for me for 31 years. He told me this stuff only a couple days before he decided to break my heart.

I would love to talk to anyone who has had a bipolar boyfriend, I simply cannot stop feeling like this is my fault, as he says it is. Maybe I could have done more? My heart is broken, I have cried so much over him. I simply cannot believe that he would intentionally hurt me like this after all the things he said and did for me. Nothing has ever hurt this bad in my life.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 3rd, 2007
Is What You Have Real?
I felt so fustrated after reading Adnor's response. I was diagnosed with bipola when i was 13, my currant boyfriend has lived with me since i was 15 and im now 18. I dont know what i would do without him. Yes we have gone through a lot of crap with my bipola. When i go manic n depressed. It's just as hard and painfull for him to be with me, as it for me feeling like that. I take medication and see a specialist so i dont often go like that. My partner has even seen the specialist with me, he gave my partner helpful hints about how to handle my lil episodes.

My question in the title, "Is what you have real?" If you doubt your answer or your answer is no. It would be best for you to leave hs life now, which wont be pretty. However, if your answer is yes. You will get through this. You just need to take the right steps.. baby steps. Be patient and just be there. When he feels low he will feel so isolated and lonely, even if his in a room full of people. Since my partner has become involved and supportive, i feel like him and I are in ths together and i appreciate and admire him because it takes a stronge person and a stronge love to do what his done for me.

Think abour yourself too. Yes, your life wont be the easiest for awhile but i believe bad or difficult times in your life is what makes you a better person, what makes you special and your personal qualities grow.

Is your love real?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 4th, 2007
How to Distinguish Issues In a Relationship
I guess I'm perplexed, and it's hard not to take the highs and lows personally. I am a pretty understanding person, but can't fathom why my bf just drops off the face of the earth. Doesn't call. Doesn't write. Doesn't let me know what's happening, and then the next time I see him it's like nothing's happened. I used to call all the time and try and make this work. Make plans only to have them broken. I can't do that anymore.

The manic phases, at the beginning of the relationship, were wonderful. The newness and excitement of falling in love matched well with the mania he exhibited. Saying he loved me. Expressing care and concern. Now, when things seem to be settling in, he disrupts everything and pushes me away.

It seems as though he has a fundamental lack of respect or consideration for my feelings or time. I have been more than accommodating, and it seems as though the more I bend, the more he tries to break me. And that's hard to put up with.

I do love him, and want to be there for him, but it's killing me to be in a relationship with someone who is either unwilling or unable to emotionally connect and have empathy.

I would like to add a caveat to the statements above. I think it's fine to be in a relationship with someone who is bipolar. But, only if the person is honest about themselves and willing to seek the necessary help they so rightly deserve. Being with someone with an untreated illness is painful to say the least, and it's taken me a long time to realize that I can't do this anymore. And it breaks my heart.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 4th, 2007
Braniff, my husband is bipolar and when we fight he leaves the house and I don't see him for days. He goes and stays with his parents. He has them believing that much of it is due to me but they don't see how he behaves. Bipolars can turn on and off like a light switch. I believe the only reason my husband comes home is because we are married. Some days he shows me a lot of affection, others none at all and will blame me for the stresses in his life. Its hard to understand what goes through their mind
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 4th, 2007
Re: How to Distinguish Issues In a Relationship
greenseaglass wrote:
I guess I'm perplexed, and it's hard not to take the highs and lows personally. I am a pretty understanding person, but can't fathom why my bf just drops off the face of the earth. Doesn't call. Doesn't write. Doesn't let me know what's happening, and then the next time I see him it's like nothing's happened. I used to call all the time and try and make this work. Make plans only to have them broken. I can't do that anymore.

The manic phases, at the beginning of the relationship, were wonderful. The newness and excitement of falling in love matched well with the mania he exhibited. Saying he loved me. Expressing care and concern. Now, when things seem to be settling in, he disrupts everything and pushes me away.

It seems as though he has a fundamental lack of respect or consideration for my feelings or time. I have been more than accommodating, and it seems as though the more I bend, the more he tries to break me. And that's hard to put up with.

I do love him, and want to be there for him, but it's killing me to be in a relationship with someone who is either unwilling or unable to emotionally connect and have empathy.

I would like to add a caveat to the statements above. I think it's fine to be in a relationship with someone who is bipolar. But, only if the person is honest about themselves and willing to seek the necessary help they so rightly deserve. Being with someone with an untreated illness is painful to say the least, and it's taken me a long time to realize that I can't do this anymore. And it breaks my heart.


I dealt with the same thing. One day he was fine and happy, the next he wouldn't even talk to me, after the next couple of days of noncommunication everything was fine and he was wondering why I was upset.

One day my ex told me how much he loved me, that he would never hurt or leave me, then three days later he sleeps with another girl 'to break up with me' and calls me to tell me coldly over the phone. It is so hard to accept that he is the same person he was 2 months ago, a person who wanted to do anything for me and was so kind and considerate. I have never felt so conflicted and heartbroken in my life.

He decided to end things--I should have a long time ago before it got to such a point of anger and violence on his part. But I loved him so much that I didn't want to desert him like the other girlfriends he has had. No matter what I did or said, it wasn't enough. Letting him go and realizing that the only one who can help him right now is himself has been one of the hardest things I've ever experienced.

Do whatever your gut is telling you to do, but please don't let it reach a point where things are said and done that will hurt you worse than you are already hurting. Believe me, it gets to that point if you let it. I never ever thought he would cheat, but it happened, and it hurts so much.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied December 6th, 2007
coal
i can not speak for all with bipolar disorder but for myself when i go through anger episodes I am not really able to handle it all the time. I do know what i'm doing and saying but I still do it. Even sometimes when I think i'm being wrong as I'm doing it. Yes people come back and talk to me about what i did and we are able to talk it through. I tell them the feelings i had and they tell me theirs. we both apologize.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 7th, 2007
Pebbles07,

I wish that my situation was like this. Instead, my husband is still unable to handle having talks about our situation. Things will be going great for a day or two, but when I mention him saying that he couldn't love me anymore, he freaks out. Not manic, but just pissed. He says that it's so hard to love me, and that if I would just "quit b*tching" everything would be fine.

I wonder when he will get to the stage that it's ok to talk.

Coal
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 22nd, 2008
re: What Goes Through a Bi Polar's Mind
I couldn't tell you exactly what goes through a bipolar's mind; however, I can tell you the destructive effects on that of their family. I am in a very loving relationship with my husband of 11 years PLUS. My mother is the bipolar person. She is in total belief that I married the wrong person and feels that I cannot be happy in this marriage. She is constantly trying to rip us apart and trying to get my best friend Bryan to marry me and take my kids and self away from Scott. I don't like this at all and find it very hard to face her.

What makes these outbursts and attacks on my well-being worse is the fact that we are stuck (due to financial constraints) living in the basement of my parents home. My father is bipolar as well; however, he CAN think clearly most of the time. The only time he gets in his bipolar fits is when my mother unknowingly starts attacking him. My father also suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and is a pack rat because of it. His habits are very hard to break and is really comical at times; however, he and I are working together to try to find a safe word for me to say to snap him out of it when he is starting to get in a bipolar mood. I (and my hubby) are so supportive and just find it necessary to leave the house for hours upon end when my mother is in a "mood" and are happy as a family going to the zoo, going for a walk in the forest, whatever as long as we are NOT at home during her rage. It's unbearable with the hateful things that come out of her mouth toward me: "you are a bad mother," "you will never be happy as long as you are with that low-life dork of a husband," "you are the reason I am like this!" The list is endless. With love, compassion, and therapy, a person like myself can get over (or at least deal with it).
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 23rd, 2008
I can't believe so many people would write off their partners simply because they have bipolar. My partner understands my bipolar, has researched it, wants to come to see my pdoc and puts up with my tantrums. I love him so much, have never and would never physically hurt him, and he knows through the pdoc that the name-calling or shouting is not directed at him - that it is my illness trying to break out of my head.

If someone can't be with someone with bipolar and is so shallow as to leave them because they just don't want to put up with the aggravation then I think it's shame on you. Because even though people with bipolar can be horrible when they're having a mood swing, they are some of the most loving, good-natured and gold-hearted of people and their inner turmoil is something that needs love and attention.

Jay
|
Did you find this post helpful?