|read my link âif you are thinking about dating someone that is bipolar, read here firstâ.
You are playing the co-dependent role. I know I have been there. You cannot fix him. No matter what you do. I was abused verbally and put down for 10 months. It was constant. And if he wasnât doing it directly to me he was talking about someone else negatively. It was horrible. Get out while you can. I love my ex dearly. I have tried reaching out to him numerous times, but he is mean, spiteful and vengeful. Itâs been 15 months since we broke up and I only went out with him for 10 months. He is the most destructive person I have ever met. I pray and cry for him every day. But youâ re getting caught up in a cycle and trust me, its never ending.
A friend put it to me this way, do you remember the movie silence of the lambs? Jodie foster was trying to figure out who the killer was but couldnât, so what did she do? She went to pick the mind of another killer, because only he was the only one that could understand the other killers crimes. Same with bipolars. You will never understand the bipolar mind unless you are bipolar. Not even they can fully understand their illness. The medication does not cure them, it only keeps them stable. They donât think rational so you will drive yourself crazy trying to think why they act a certain way. You are thinking rational with someone that thinks irrationally.
I can tell you right now that the most important thing for any person with the bipolar illness is stability. In their life, their home and employment. Any small change can set them off. My ex lived in the same condo for 13 years. When we moved into his new home it sparked a manic stage and all hell broke lose. He wasnât sleeping, and became completely irate over everything. It took me a long time to accept that he is crazy. I hate saying that word because of its negative connotations, but the fact is he was just wired wrong and right now the medical community doesnât know enough about this illness to cure it.
I realized if this was how he was on the medication, why risk marrying him and having children with him, when one day he can just decide not to take them anymore and do something really harmful to me my family or himself? Itâs not worth the risk. And having a relationship with someone that is bipolar is risky. They are ticking time bombs and he even admits to that. He told me numerous times that if something ever happened to his parents he wouldnât stick around, he would have no reason to live. Why do I want to hear something negative every day of my life or worry about him doing something stupid? I am not his life preserver and really that is what they want. They will tell you how horrible everything is, suck you in and get you hooked and then blow you off. Life is too short for that. Let him go while you can. I would suggest a good therapist to break your co-dependency. I btw am also clinically depressed. I was diagnosed with depression a couple of months after I met him. But I got the proper help and no longer have to take the medication. Bipolars on the other hand can never go without the medication.
I honestly thought I couldnât love and move on with my life without him. But now I have this incredible man in my life. We go jet skiing, boating, atv riding, motorcycle riding, dinner at fancy restaurants, etc. My life is exciting again, without worrying about someone elseâs state of mind constantly or waiting for the next ball to drop. You donât want that because you deserve better. And you are right, so does he. You may think if you leave someone else will come and give him what he needs and then you will feel like a failure for not being able to make him happy. I give you my word, that he will only go from one destructive relationship to another. In fact the more you address his illness, the more he will resent you for it.
Take the advice from my bipolar ex himself, who once told me after my daughter (from another relationship) found an ice skating pair partner who was bipolar as well to skate with, my exâs response was, are you crazy? I would never let my kid skate with someone that was bipolar. Thankfully that partnership never worked out. He told me being bipolar was like wanting to crawl out of your skin. Constantly thinking of ideas non stop. Not sleeping for days. Inappropriate sexual thoughts. Hating the world, hating your life. Itâs a constant roller coaster in oneâs mind. You can love this man and you can direct him into help, but donât allow him to cut you down so much you lose track of who you are. You can love him just as much by being a friend without getting over involved.
-hope this helps
but remember, bipolars need love and affection too... I'm surprised to see that you can be so adamant about another leaving a bipolar without knowing what kind of person the poster is? Not all bipolars are the same as you've experienced, adnor. So please consider that bipolars can be compassionate and caring, perhaps not as often as you'd like.
Would you say the same for a cancer or diabetic patient?? The meds they take (or don't) can have the same emotional effects a being bipolar.
|i have been with my bipolar hubby for 3 years now... And it's no picnic when he's manic or depressed or just goes off on tangents... But i'd never ever tell someone to run from a bipolar simply because they are bipolar. They are people too. They are capable of managing the disease.
I'm almost 40 - and i've never had a more compassionate, loving relationship. Of course he is on medication and open to his therapy because he doesn't like the way he feels in the grips of bipolar.
I just wanted to reply to say I just wouldn't rule out all bipolars simply because of bipolar.
Wife of bipolar......