"""what good reason is there to make someone give head if they don't like it.

Sex is not a tit for tat thing it is sharing pleasure - and giving head is not the only way to give pleasure. """"

yes it is a sharing thing, and sometimes it is better to give than recieve. She is just recieveing. I do not buy that she does not like it. We all did not like it in the beggining. She will get used to liking it, she is just being foolish and selfish imo.

Giving head is not the only way to give pleasure agreed. But it is one of the ways, and it is very pleasurable. And if a partner wants some head, then you/one should be more than happy to get down there and be a giving partner.

It is not tit for tat, but it is a "i give you give" thing. Imo

Well I like pleaseing my man but on the other hand he doesnt like to go there at all. So it really goes both ways, but I dont get it at all and he gets in probably 3-4 times a month. So what do you do? I want him to do it more to me and i've asked him why he dont and he replies that he doesnt like the taste of cum. I dont think the mans cum tatse bad but everyone has a different taste.

""what an ignorant and elfish comment.
There is nothing more foolish than trying to bully someone into a sexual act they do not wish to perform.
That is why there are laws against that sort of thing.

""

kia, who is talking about bullying?? I am not. I am suggesting that a person not liking oral sex just because it tastes bad is being selfish? I would say it is only the minority of people who like the taste of oral sex right from the start. I would say the rest had to learn to like it, or even now are still learning. I know I had to at first, and I am damn well sure my friends had to as well. I have never met a person who like the taste of oral sex right from their first time.

Kia, did you start off liking the taste of oral sex, or did you have to get used to it?? If you had to get use to it, why did you do that? Why did you just not say it tastes lousy and you are not going to do that? Why did you put up with it until you got use to the taste and feeling of it?(assuming of course you like oral sex)

i am not talking about forcing some one to do a sex act. However, what I am suggesting is that if a person is loving and giving that every, effort should be made on their part to please their partner. Just because it tastes bad, is a lousy excuse. Anyone can get use to the bad taste of something, they can even come to think it is great after a while.

"no, I do not want to do that!!! Let me give you a foot massage instead.""

sorry, but if my lover said that to me, I would think she is joking. I would not bully her, but she would have to give me a good reason as to why she does not want to perform oral sex. If not, then I can see our relationship coming to an end soon. If I am not satisfied sexually, how is that a good relationship? Sex is not the main thing, but it is an important aspect of a relationship.

As for the rest of your comments, they originated from misunderstanding, and not worth commenting on at this time.

"""you must give me a blow job, whether you like it or not. I don't care if you don't like the taste/feel/etc, you will get used to it. I want a blow job so you must do it" is bullying. Is wrong. Is akin to saying "i want sex so you must allow me to screw you". Is akin to saying "i want anal, I don't care if it hurts, you will get used to it. I want this and so I will have". ""

i am not saying this at all. If the reason for not performing oral sex is a valid one, then of course I am not suggesting you force some one to do it.
You are over exaggerating what I am saying.

Just because some one does not want to, is not reason enough to not be giving in a relationship. It is selfish, and foolish. And if my partner/lover said to me she would rather give me a hand job over a blow job as a rule, then we would have issues. Especially if her reasons were not valid, or her answer was "just because." sorry, that is not being honest, and it is in a way being selfish. Just like if some one said to me they no longer wanted to have sex, just hug. I would want to know why, and I would like a very very good reason as to why not. (of course this is different when it comes to degree).

""quote:
i am suggesting that a person not liking oral sex just because it tastes bad is being selfish?

How on earth do you see someone as selfish because they don't want to give a blow job or eat a girl out? - it is not compulsory ""

it is not compulsory, but just as you argue that a person should not have to do an act, why should another person have to make a sacrifice. Why can there not be a bit of give and take. It does not always have to be a substitute ie hand job over a blow job. To me always refusing to please you partner in a way they like, is being selfish. Just as demanding a certain act with out exceptions is selfish.

""quote:
kia, did you start off liking the taste of oral sex, or did you have to get used to it?? If you had to get use to it, why did you do that? Why did you just not say it tastes lousy and you are not going to do that? Why did you put up with it until you got use to the taste and feeling of it?(assuming of course you like oral sex)

i give oral sex but I do not receive - why? Because my fella doesn't like to do it.
I give because I want to.
In fact the first time wasn't all that bad to be honest. I continued to do so because I wanted to - because I like giving head to my partner.
""

why does you fella not like to give you head? Just because?? If you are happy with that, that is your right. But to say that we all should think like that, and to do otherwise is wrong. And to imply that one should leave a relationship they are in, to find some one else who will do an act, is just way too overboard, and irrational. Personally, if my wife outright refused to give me head, just because she does not like it, we would need to have a talk. I would think it unfair that she would not be willing to give some pleasure from time to time, in a manner that I want. The same goes for me when it comes to her. It is a give an take. Dont feed me tofu all the time, and tell me it is just as good as meat. That is just foolish to expect anyone to accept being treated like that.

""it's not just taste though is it. Taste is quite a minor part because you don't have to let him cum in your mouth or even swallow it.
Some people are just not comfortable doing it, they find it degrading, people can't help how they feel.
But I find it abhorrent that you think it ok to make someone feel bad for something they don't want to do - that is emotional bullying.
""

so you admit, that taste for some does play a part. Thanks.
Actually, I see the whole not cumming in the mouth thing as foolish as well. Many women expect a man to go down and do his thing with all those juices going around, but when it comes their time, they dont want any of that. I find that mindset unfair. It is not 50/50.

Like I said before, if there is a real and valid reason, like some one feeling degraded, then that is good enough for me. I would not ask to do a bj in such cases. However, if it is just because they dont like the taste, or some other flippant reason(which is all I have been saying, you have been putting words in my mouth sort of speaking), then that is just the same as emotional bullying. You are refusing to give please, and expect your mate to comply and put up with your wishes, but yet expect you mate to perform on you. No way pal, that is just a one way relationship.

""no, you'd emotionally push her and make her feel bad.
"i don't want to" is a very very good reason.
"i don't want to" is a good reason not to have sex, not to give a blow job, for many things and should be respected.
""

first you do not know me, so do not be saying what I would or would not do. Do not make this personal. I have not said anything about you or your fella. Please do not be saying what I would or would not do.

No, I do not see as "i dont want to" as a very valid reason. Wife, "honey, will you take out the trash?" husband: "no". Wife, "why, not?" husband:"i just dont want to." wife"okay, I do not want to bully you emotionally."

basically that is your argument. I just dont want to. The husband refusing to take out the garbage, at that time might be forgiven. But refusing to do it on a regular basis, when it is his duty to help around the house, is being selfish. Now I know you are think, yeah but he can do other things. Yes he can, but he should also do his job. Especially, if he expects the wife to cook. I am not asking for anyone to microanaylize my analogy, I am just saying, "just because" is a piss poor reason for not giving help and pleasure to your mate.


Ps, where are my quote buttons. I can not make proper quotes using cut and paste. This is a phbp forum right??

I have to say that I agree with kia in the essence of what she is saying. And I think most other reasonable people would, and will, agree with her too.


If your partner reluctantly agrees to give you head, and you know that she is not enjoying it at all, could you really relax and enjoy it yourself? Could you honestly just think 'she will get used to it' and satisfy yourself with that thought? If it was me I would never make my wife do anything she found to be unpleasant. Because I love her. And anything that I do for her, whether I particularly love doing it or do it purely out of desire to please her, is my choice and not to be used as a bargaining chip.


Refusing to perform a sexual act is way different to refusing to do a household chore. I understand that you were giving an analogy, but sex and sexual favours are not responsibilities. Nobody is obliged to give themselves sexually, not even in marriage. It is a choice that a person makes and that hopefully is reciprocated by their partner. But a person's body is theirs and theirs alone, to do with what they want. And any loving partner would only want from their partner sexually what their partner genuinely wanted to give. I'm not trying to change your views as you have a right to see things as you want. I just can't agree with your views.

This kind of sounds like something my ex would have written, except he didn't really care whether or not if I wanted to go down on him.

First of all, make sure your genitals have been washed, and washed well. Nothing is a bigger turn off when you're preparing to give your man head than to have a potent odor of unwashed flesh hit your nose. It tastes just as bad, too. But honestly, not all girls want to have some guy's poker rammed down their throats. Don't beg or force her to do it, or that will simply drive her further away. What is more important to you - this woman's feelings, or satisfying your sexual desires?

However, if all you care about is getting sucked off, there are plenty of women everywhere who would probably be more than happy to do this service for you.

""if your partner reluctantly agrees to give you head, and you know that she is not enjoying it at all, could you really relax and enjoy it yourself? Could you honestly just think 'she will get used to it' and satisfy yourself with that thought? If it was me I would never make my wife do anything she found to be unpleasant. Because I love her. And anything that I do for her, whether I particularly love doing it or do it purely out of desire to please her, is my choice and not to be used as a bargaining chip.

""
yes the torture of it all, the hideous crime. The sheer abuse is unspeakable.

Give me a break. It is a give and take relationship. Next, if your wife decided she is never going to have sex again. You are okay with that?? You are basically saying you will have no argument with her choice. You are saying that by asking for sex, or by feeling deprived, you are in the wrong. Basically, that is your argument.

A healthy and fullfilling relationship is where one sets out to please their partner in the ways the like to be pleased. It is not about saying no. You do your best, and if you can not do it, then okay. At least you tried.

That is all I am saying. People read what I am saying. I am not talking about bullying or forcing people to do something. I am talking about things within reason.

Just because you do not want to, ever, is not a good excuse. It is selfish. It is not doing your best to be all giving to your partner. But yet, it is also expect you partner to be sacrificing in return.

Yes there are plenty of women out there. So, should one cheat?? Obviously the answer is no. So, under the umbrella of a relationship, each partner should try their best to satisfy their partner in the ways they want. A decent effort should be made. Even at first you do not want to, or you do not like it. If it is not tramatic, or totally disgusting to you, and your partner gets great pleasure out of it, you should do it from time to tme.

Yes there are other ways of pleasing people, but you should not be so selfish to think that is a solution. In other words ignoring your partner's needs and desires to make sure you are totally comfortable is in essence selfish.

Of course if my wife was totally not enjoying a particular sex act, I would not feel good about it. However, if it was just because it tastes bad, or she was not use to it, then I would ask for it from time to time. I should also have it done on me from time to time. In return if there is anything she likes or wants, I should do from time to time. It is a give and give thing.

Not, I sacrifice, you sacrifice, we both do not make the other feel uncomfortable, so we are all happy. To me that is just rose coloured glasses.

At the end of the day it is a persons basic human right to refuse to perform any sexual act they do not wish to perform.

It is not a right to demand that anyone perform a sexual act that you wish to receive.

In fact it is illegal to to push somone whether physically or emotionally to perform any sex act that they are not happy to do.

Just because you are in a marriage or long term relationship does not absolve you from the laws of statutory rape.

If sex is more important to you than your partner then you are evidentally with the wrong partner.