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Q: Help Me to Help My Boyfriend
asked by: tdp6000 on August 20th, 2006
New User
My boyfriend is clearly using cocaine (i have not found the substance yet but I have found folded business cards) just today him and I were joking around and it ended up him smacking me and choking me. When I looked in his eyes the pupils were dilated. I realized he has been using this whole time and the past week it seems like he does it every day. Unfortunately I have been in this situation before; however, I left that person. I do not use cocaine. I love him but I kind of don't know how to approach the subject. Today while he was being abusive I asked him what did he take and what was he using and he immediatly left the room and evaded my questioning. I need to know how I can help him because I do not want to leave him I love him but at the same time I realize he has been doing this our whole relationship. Right now I am in our computer room and what I did was created a new folder in favorites and put his name on it and I added a whole bunch of cocaine abuse sites (signs and how to get help). In the past he has physically put his hands on me and I do not want him to hurt me or in the process of defending myself, hurt him.
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shadowalker164
replied on August 21st, 2006
Experienced User
Tdp6000,
let me quote you…”unfortunately I have been in this situation before; however, I left that person.”

sugar, that guy that’s smacking you around in all probability ain’t gonna get better, ever. He sure as hell ain’t gonna get better for you! Leave him!

He will pull you down, that is what we do. We lie, we cheat and we steal in order to maintain our access to our drug of choice. And we don’t put the welfare of good people like yourself in front of our getting stoned, not ever.

If you want to help him, the only thing that has a snow balls chance of cutting through the fog of his addiction, is pain. And when I say pain, I mean the crushing and totally devastating kind of total mental pain that only a hopeless addict or alcoholic on the skids knows. It is his only hope. That pain may change his mind about cocaine, but don’t count on it. Most of us die drunk and or stoned.

Look after yourself, there is nothing you can do, or not do that will make so much as a wit of difference. Cut him loose, let him fall. That is the only thing you can do. I suppose you could stick around, get slapped around some more, then have him dump you for some other “user chick” who “understands” him better.

But my advice is, kick his ass to the curb.

Your friend who understands this deal very well,
richard
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